Mystery Warner Theater 3000
by Koopa Kid
Summary: In a parody of Mystery Science Theater 3000 the Warner Siblings are forced to watch horrible movies! New Movie: Sonic the Hedgehog
1. The Chicken Or The Egg

Mystery Warner Theater 3000

Plot: When the CEO finally figures out that the water tower isn't enough to keep the Warners contained (since they escape frequently) they escaped but once again they were caught but... instead of locking them in the water tower the CEO trapped them in an unescapable sattelite and drove them insane by making them watch horrible movies.

Movie Featured: The Chicken Or The Egg?... okay it techinically isn't a movie but it was a

scrapped Animaniacs script done by a writer named Michael Dare.

Cast:

Joel Hodgson/Mike Nelson: Yakko Warner

Tom Servo: Dot Warner

Crow T. Robot: Wakko Warner

Dr. Clayton Forrester: Dr. Otto Scratchansniff

In The Sattelite...

Wakko: I'm so bored! When are we actually going to do something?

Dot: Be careful what you wish for, Wakko. We might be forced to watch one of those horrible movies!

Yakko: Anybody up for checkers?

Wakko and Dot: Me! Me! Me!

All of a sudden the screen started flickering and Dr. Scratchansniff appeared on the screen.

Scratchansniff: Be prepared Varner Brothas! Now it is time for one of the worst movies ever... Ze Chicken Or Ze Egg!

Warners: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

They started kneeling in front of the screen.

Dot: Please! Please don't make us watch it!

Yakko: I beg of you!

Wakko: I'll do anything! But just don't make us watch that horrid movie!

The Movie Sign starts beeping and reluctantly, the Warners slump into the theater and crawl into their seats.

IN The WATER TOWER...

YAKKO: It's so obvious that the egg came first. Without the egg, there couldn't be a chicken? Could there?

DOT: Yakko's right.

(when they're names aren't entirely in CAPS they're speaking in the audience)

Wakko: No he's not!

Yakko: Yes I am! You're the one who's wrong!

Dot: Would you two just be quiet for once! It's bad enough to sit through a movie as bad as this one...

WAKKO : Wrong. I mean where did the egg come from, huh? Did you think of that? Huh? Huh? Come on. Where did the egg come from? A chicken! It had to be a chicken! Eggs come from chickens, or didn't you know that?

DOT: Wakko's right.

WAKKO: Of course I'm right.

YAKKO: You're wrong.

DOT: Whatayuh mean I'm wrong.

YAKKO: You said we were both right. That's impossible. You must be wrong.

WAKKO: No, you're wrong.

DOT: No, you're wrong.

YAKKO: She's wrong and you're wrong. I'm the only one that's right.

WAKKO: No, she's right and I'm right. You're the only one that's wrong.

YAKKO: No, I'm not.

WAKKO: Remember when you thought that you looked good in bellbottoms?

YAKKO: Yeah?

Wakko: Trust me folks, it wasn't pretty!

WAKKO: Well you were wrong then and you're wrong now. The egg came first.

YAKKO: The chicken!

WAKKO: The egg!

YAKKO: CHICKEN!

WAKKO: EGG!

DOT: Boys, boys, I know how we can settle this - scientifically.

IN The 24 HOUR COFFEE SHOP...  
Wakko, Yakko, and Dot are seated at the counter. An annoyed waitress with pink hair takes their orders.

WAKKO: I'll have a chicken salad sandwich, please.

YAKKO: I'll have the egg salad sandwich.

DOT: Now we'll see which comes first.

Dot: Wow! I can't believe it. It's only been five minutes into the movie and it's already lame.

The door opens and the Warners walk out of the theater.

Yakko: Now for all of you people who wants to make a movie...

Wakko: Do whatever you want but...

Dot: Never let a guy named Michael Dare write your scripts!

Yakko: Several examples of his work... which are all horrible and not funny are:

The Curse of the Werepoodle,

One Boo Over The Cuckoo's Nest,

and The Chicken Coops of Madison County.

Whatever you do, do NOT read these!

Wakko: Yeah! They're so lame they'll poison your mind and make you want to smash your computer!

Dot: And also whatever you do you should not go on the website that they're on! You're asking where it's at? Well we'll never tell! Mwahahahahahahhahahahahhaahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!

Yakko: Anywho, now let's get off topic here and tell you about how we got here... wait! Didn't you read the beginning, which had the plot?

Wakko: Well if you read it and you still don't know it also means that you don't know that Snape kills Dumbledore, Darth Vader is Luke's father, they found Nemo, and Jason's really Superman's son!

The Movie Sign starts beeping again and they hop back into their seats.

WAITRESS: And what'll it be for you, hon?

DOT: I'll have what she's having.

She points to a woman at a table who is getting a prolonged smooch from a man who looks a lot like Antonio Banderas.

Dot: Helooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nurse!

Wakko puts duct tape over Dot's mouth.

WAITRESS: We're all out.

DOT: Then I'll have a pastrami on rye with hot mustard and a pickle.

Yakko: You fiend! Everyone knows that hot mustard disinigrates people's mouths!

Wakko: No it doesn't!

Yakko: Fine... ruin a good joke!

Wakko, Yakko, and Dot are still waiting for their food when the waitress arrives. She slings a plate in front of Dot.

WAITRESS: Here's your pastrami. Chicken salad sandwich and egg salad sandwich coming up.

Wakko and Yakko drool as Dot chows down on her pastrami.

Dot has finished her sandwich. Wakko and Yakko are tapping their fingers and waiting patiently. The waitress walks by.

WAKKO: A-a-a-h, check please...

Yakko: That's a great way to end a movie! End it with a horrible punch line!

The door opens and the Warners walk out of the theater.

Wakko: And there you have it, folks!

Yakko: One of the lamest movies ever!

Dot starts to tug at the duct tape Wakko put on her mouth, but she pulled so hard that she crashed out of the window.

Yakko: See you in a few days!

Wakko: Good! That will give us enough time to get Dot back!

THE END


	2. Interview With The Rodent

Mystery Warner Theater 3000

Movie Featured: Interview With The Rodent

**Yakko: So now that we've endured our first movie... what in the heck do we do now!**

**Wakko: Let's check up on scratchy!**

**They pressed a button which made Dr. Scratchansniff appear on-screen.**

**Dr. Scractansniff: Vere you are, Varner Brothas! Today's movie will be "Interview With The Rodent"!**

**Dot: An interview? That shouldn't be so bad!**

**The movie sign beeps and they crawl into their seats**

Hello, everyone! I'm back with another story, and, as usual, Babs is here to give me a hand. (You savage!...

**Yakko: You ate all of my Cheetos!**

...The rabbit's paws don't give good luck, you know that?) Babs, I meant that you are here to help me...

**Dot: Do my laundry!**

(Phew! Lucky me.) sigh. Present the disclaimer, can you? (Sure, man.)

(DISCLAIMER. As you guys already know, the Tiny Toon Adventures characters, including the great, wonderful, beautiful, and marvelous...

**Yakko: Michael Jackson!**

...actress Babs Bunny…) Babsy, cut it, please. (Fine. We are copyrighted by Warner Brothers.)

**Wakko: Bow down to us slaves!**

This story was made without profit intentions. If we have another character from other show, we'll clear that at the end.)

Good. Now, for today's story, we'll need the… (WHEEL OF COMEDY!)

**Yakko: Copyright infringement!**

_The huge wheel that contains a picture of about every character from the TTA series appear in front of us, and Babs gives it a good push to make it spin. After a few minutes, the speed lowers to reveal the fanfic's main character._

And today, the spotlight will be on… MARY MELODY! (Don't call her The Cameo Queen, coz Mary is the star in today's fic!)

INTERVIEW WITH THE RODENT.

A TTA fic by Acosta Pérez José Ramiro.

K-ACME TV.

"There's no way I'm coming back there, and that's final!"

Hamton Pig, the big man (or hog) behind the...

**Dot: Murder of Timmy.**

K-ACME TV News, was at his office, trying to get the job done, as usual. This time, it included trying to calm down a certain hysterical green duck yelling in front of him because...

**Wakko: He wants his lawnmower back.**

...of the results (or lack of them) concerning his most recent assignment..

**Yakko: To win the world record of the farting contest!**

"Come on, Plucky, you are one of my best reporters. I'm sure it couldn't be as bad as you say."

**Wakko: "You mean like the time I ate 5000 chilidogs?"**

Hamton tried to calm down the duck for the millionth time. Plucky scowled at the fat toon.

"Hammy,...

**Dot: How did an Over The Hedge character get here!**

I was blasted, exploded, and anviled more than ten times… and I was at the place like, 2 minutes! Next time send me to cover a war zone, a police's operative, or Michael Jackson's next trial… it might be safer!" Plucky pointed. Hamton sighed. Even if he was Plucky's...

**Yakko: Cousin to the sister of son's niece's brother of the uncle's daughter's father of the nephew's sister's mother and his grandpa's only cousin was the manager's daughter's sibling!**

...boss, the pig used to be the duck's sidekick for such a long time, so it was still hard to him to force Plucky to do anything,..

**Wakko: Including blowing his nose!**

...especially when he already knew the job was particularly dangerous. Hamton decided to give the job to another person,...

**Dot: Morgan Freeman!**

...and took a little paper out from his desk.

"Fine, Plucky. In that case, your new assignment will be covering the dogs' show. Foghorn Leghorn will be the judge, and I'm sure he'll make a scene."

**Yakko: "Kinda like the time he streaked out in the middle of public."**

Hamton told the duck. Plucky usually disliked this kind of jobs,...

**Wakko: You mean... an encyclopedia salesman?**

...but, after the last one, he was more than happy to cover the canine show without hesitation. Plucky grabbed the paper with his instructions,...

**Dot: For Super Mario Sunshine.**

...and left the office.

After Plucky left, Hamton started pondering...

**Yakko: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"**

**Wakko: "I think so Brain. But where are we gonna find a duck and a hose at this hour?"**

...about who will he send next to cover this particular story. He wasn't exaggerating when calling Plucky one of his best reporters, so, if the duck couldn't do it, there were few options left. A couple of minutes later, he made his decision, and talked to his speaker.

"Harriet, please check if Mary Melody had already returned from her last mission...

**Dot: To be the most annoying girl in the world.**

...I need her for a new one." Hamton told his secretary. A second later, Mary entered the office wearing a full skater's outfit, including protective gear, black on-line skates, pink shades, a white top, and blue shorts. Hamton looked at her dumbfounded,...

**Yakko: When he realized that he had no life!**

...but, before he could say anything, Mary handled him a tape.

"Here it is, Hammy. My interview with Tony Hawk...

**Wakko: The only skateboarder that crashed 10 trillion times!**

Nice guy, really; he even taught me a few movements...

**Yakko: "Even the Hokey Pokey and the Chicken Dance!"**

Look at this." Mary skated a few feet away from Hamton, and jumped to make a gracious spinning on the air, stopping suddenly at mid air to dance the Macarena...

**Dot: Doesn't Mary mean the Macadamia?**

Since Mary is a toon, she can defy gravity for some time as long as she doesn't look down, so she could also dance a little Fox Trot, The Mexican Sombrero's Dance,...

**Wakko: With a false mustache!**

...and Hip-Hop, before she touched the floor again. Hamton clapped at his reporter's skill, and she removed her helmet, revealing a yellow bow and her trademark ponytail, to vow in front of him, thanking the applause. One of the reasons Mary was such a good reporter was the fact she adapted to the enviroment and mood of the people she interviewed, making her a good option for hard assignments.

**Yakko: Like trying to fend off the vicious Rotweiler!**

"Nice one, Mary. Look, I hate to give you a new assignment when you just finished another, but this is very important. Please, take a seat." Hamton told the girl and pointed to the chair in front of the desk. She was a merry girl (if you excuse the pun),...

**Dot: Don't worry! You excxused us in the episode, "This Pun For Hire"!**

**Yakko: And that whole episode had puns!**

**Wakko: You two aren't being funny!**

**Yakko: ...**

**Dot: ...**

**Wakko: Dot Dot Dot**

...but always knew how to act seriously when needed, and, obviously, judging by the pig's words, he was about to talk to her about something really serious...

**Yakko: Going boldly where no man has gone before.**

"Hey, don't worry, Hamton. I knew that this job would be difficult when I accepted it. But I'll be more than happy to accomplish my duty."...

**Wakko: Use the force to destroy the death star!**

Mary stood up on the chair, and made a solemn face, while the American flag appeared behind her, and the song "Bars and Stripes"...

**Dot: The colony of soap bars and lines everywhere!**

...were heard on the background. She continued.

"And that duty… the duty of all the fellow reporters around the world, is to give the audience a clear look of the latest news to keep them well informed about the success of our most important people… the fails of the system…the community's state… the human side of our society… the last wedding of Liz Taylor… all, while they enjoy their TV dinners in...

**Wakko: Charlie Brown's condo.**

...company of the family so they can have something to talk about in the job the next day. That's my sacred mission!"...

**Yakko: To find the ending of Pac-Man!**

Mary ended while making a military salute. Then, she turned around to see behind her,...

**Dot: A giant radioactive reptile destroying Tokyo!**

...and returned to her usual tone.

"Thanks for the background effects, guys." Mary directed to Furrball and Calamity, who were behind her holding a big flag, and Sneezer, who was next to them with a trumpet on his little hands. The three toons gave Mary the thumbs up, and walked out of the office. After they left, Hamton and Mary returned to the "serious talk" mood.

**Yakko: I... am... Merry Melody!**

"Good to see you take your job so seriously, Mary, but this isn't an easy task. You are going to interview someone who isn't exactly of the social type.

**Wakko: The X-Men?**

This character has a particular feud against reporters; right before you entered, Plucky was here telling me about how bad it was for him to just try getting near the subject's residence. He rather accepted to cover a dogs' show before trying it again." Hamton told her. Mary knew this was a first one for Plucky; the duck loved the spotlight, something you usually don't get from covering those kind of events, so the assignment should be a very difficult one to make him take this decision.

"That bad, uh? Well, it can't be worse than that time you sent me to interview The Crocodile Hunter, remember?" Mary told Hamton while scratching her chin.

_Flashback._

_Mary is in a jungle, holding her camera, and wearing the usual explorer's outfit, complete with a red bandana around her neck and a green bow holding her ponytail. She is in front of a crocodile that has its jaws wide open._

"_So, Steve, how are you feeling? Need me to help you?" She talks to the crocodile, in a somewhat worried tone, while filming the inside of the beast's jaws._

"_No, thanks, Mary. This is a fascinating experience! For the first time, I'll be able to experiment the fascinating experience of the digestive process of this magnificent animal." A muffled yet excited voice is clearly heard from the reptile's interior._

"_And how does it feels?" Mary asks._

"_Burns like you have no idea!" The excited but obviously pained voice replies._

_End flashback._

_**Yakko, Wakko, and Dot: Rest his soul.**_

"So, who I'm going to interview?" Mary asked. "Saddam Hussein? Tonya Harding? The Undertaker?" Mary tried to guess. Hamton shook his head, and sighed.

"Slappy Squirrel." Hamton answered. Mary got a blank look, and twitched her eye.

**Wakko: She slowly started to transform into a hideous beast!**

"Are you sure you don't want an interview with The Undertaker?" Mary gulped.

THE FIRST IMPRESSION.

An hour later, Mary, wearing a red jacket and mini-skirt, white sneakers, a red bow, and blue top, and holding a big brown purse (which contained her camera), was walking towards Slappy's home, located in a tree near Burbank. She was honestly worried about this mission. The squirrel was famous for her crankiness, and had access to enough explosives to destroy Australia, so Mary would need a lot of tact to deal with her.

Mary arrived at the squirrel's home, consisting in the classical cartoon's squirrel house (a big tree with a door and windows), and rang the bell. With some luck, maybe Slappy wouldn't be as aggressive with her because they were both females. It was obvious Mary had no idea that Slappy could have many defects, but being discriminative wasn't one of them; she hated almost everyone the same way.

**Yakko: Even herself!**

Slappy checked at her visitor through the door's eye, and frowned. She hated to attend the reporters, but it was always funny to make them explode; at least, that way, the next one would be scared about interviewing her, and she would have some peace for a long time. Slappy opened her purse, looking for a surprise for Mary… the kind that leaves lots of bruises and psychological damage. After founding what she was looking for, the rodent half opened the door.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Squirrel. Let me introduce myself. I work for K-ACME TV, and my name is…" Mary was cut by a grey paw that tossed her the classic bunch of dynamite sticks tied together, with the burning fuse. Slappy closed the door immediately.

Mary looked at the dynamite, but, instead of panicking, she just wetted her index and thumb from her right hand, and used them to turn off the fuse. Then, she sighed, and knocked at the door; she was expecting this kind of surprises from Slappy, so the girl prepared herself psychologically and checked her old text books from the Looniversity on her way to the squirrel's place. She placed the explosives inside her purse, ready for another surprise.

**Yakko, Wakko, and Dot: SURPRISE!**

She didn't had to wait too much. The same grey paw gave her another explosive; this time, a huge round bomb with a very short fuse. Slappy closed the door again to protect herself, while Mary took a pair of scissors out of her purse, and cut the fuse before it could activate the explosion. Mary placed it inside her purse too, and knocked the door again. Maybe, if she was too persistent, Slappy would give up and allow her to, at least, have a civil conversation.

Slappy, of course, wasn't happy about this, but she had to admit being impressed. _"So,_ _this is a smart girl, uh?"_ She thought. _"Well, let's see if she can handle this one."_ Slappy searched again on her purse, and took out a little red round bomb with a long fuse. The rodent opened the door, and quickly closed it after tossing the bomb.

Mary grabbed the bomb, and, as she did with the dynamite, wetted her fingers to turn it off the fuse. However, right after she did it, the fuse turned on again by itself! Surprised, she turned it off again, with the same result. She then cut the fuse with her scissors, but immediately a new burning fuse appeared on its place. Mary wide opened her eyes in fear.

"Oh, my… This is an Acme Freleng-2000!" Mary screamed. On the inside of the house, Slappy chuckled. The "Acme Freleng-2000" is also known as the "sure explosion bomb"; you can't deactivate or turn it off by any way, and it always damages someone when explode. Even if you try to bury it, or throw it away, it will come back to you, or the explosion will make something to hurt you indirectly, like throwing debris against you, or causing a small earthquake.

Mary started running around the house while holding the bomb, looking for a solution. She couldn't throw it against the house, because Slappy would never forgive her, and that would ruin the interview's chances. And, of course, she didn't want to be hurt either. The only solution was finding someone who could get the bang instead of her. It wasn't a nice solution, but Mary had an idea; if someone else was about to receive the explosion, at least he would deserve it. Mary quickly took out a mail's stamp, licked it, and posted it on the bomb; she quickly wrote something on a paper, and used it to wrap the explosive. Then, she placed her fingers on her mouth, and whistled. Little Beeper appeared a second later, wearing a mailman's hat.

"Beeper, this is an emergency. Take this package to the address on the paper, and do it ASAP, ok?" Mary told the bird. Beeper nodded, and immediately zoomed away with the package.

Meanwhile, Walter Wolf was at his home, preparing his latest scheme against Slappy. For this particular plan, he decided to use all the explosives he could afford; dynamite, gun powder, nitro, fireworks, gas, jalapeño peppers… It was enough to start a war, and probably finish it.

**Wakko: Oh my gosh! It's World War III!**

When he was about to call for a moving truck to help him transport all the stuff, he heard his door's bell. Walter walked through the room, and opened the door.

"What do you want, silly bird?" Walter snapped at Beeper. The little roadrunner gave the wolf the package, and dashed away. Surprised, Walter checked the wrapping paper; besides his address, there was just a little inscription on it.

"Sorry about this, but you were about to be blasted by the old lady anyway." Walter read, and then ripped the paper.

Mary looked at the horizon, on the direction Beeper ran, and took out her shades.

KAAAAAABOOOOOOM!

A second later, the sky was illuminated by an orange glow, and a thunderous noise was clearly heard from many miles around.

Slappy noticed this too (of course, that explosion could be noticed from Jamaica), and smirked. This girl wasn't as dumb as the other reporters.

**Dot: DUH! You think!**

THE BACK DOOR.

Mary waited for a while before her next attempt to get the interview, hoping that Slappy would calm down. She approached the door very carefully, expecting another surprise. When she was right in front of the door, she noticed a little paper right next to it; obviously, it was slipped down the door. Mary grabbed and read it.

"You impressed me, kid. Please, come to the back door. I have a reputation to keep." Mary read, and smiled. Apparently, Slappy wasn't as bad as everyone thought, and only acted the way she did to keep her image. Obviously, she wanted to attend Mary, but secretly; with that idea on mind, Mary walked to the back of the tree, and knocked at the second door.

The moment the door opened, however, Mary gasped in fear, because, in front of her, Slappy was smirking, and aiming at her with a huge cannon.

"Sorry, girl, but, as I told you, I must keep my image." Slappy shrugged, and yanked a cord in the back of the weapon. Mary took it at her signal to run away KABLAAAM!

**Yakko: And all of a sudden giant pigs flew out of the cannon!**

**The door opened and the warners walked out of the theater.**

**Wakko: ... What do we do now?**

**Yakko: ... I know! Paper rock scissors!**

**Dot held out a flat pose with her fist, Yakko curled up his fingers, and Wakko started to rev up a chainsaw.**

**Dot: Uhhhhhhhhhh... why do you have a chainsaw?**

**Wakko: Chainsaw saws paper and rock in half!**

**Yakko: ... How about something else... maybe Scrabble?**

**They get out a gameboard.**

**Wakko: Lucky me! 150 points! I win!**

**Dot: I've got one! "Beat Up The Showoff!"**

**Yakko: How do you do that one?**

**Dot: Beat up the nearest one with a red cap!**

**They start to chase Wakko around the sattelite until the movie sign beeps and they crawl back into their seats.**

Mary dashed away from the house, right at the same time when the cannon blasted a black metallic ball against her. She ran as fast as she could, with the cannonball mere inches behind her. As she was running, Mary immediately started pondering about all her options, and, suddenly, a plan popped on her mind. In a split second, she made a spin change, reappearing with a Chicago Bulls' outfit, and turned to catch the cannonball with her bare hands. Luckily, her plan worked, and, even if it took her a huge effort, Mary could stop the cannonball. Then, she started making fancy movements with it, like if it were a basketball, and, after a few seconds, ran towards Slappy's home, still using it that way. When she was at a certain distance, she aimed at the cannon's opening, and threw the ball to it, making the cannonball enter cleanly.

"Wow! A three-pointer, uh? Not bad, girl. Let's see if you can handle the full potency." Slappy glared at Mary, and started making adjustments to the cannon. However, before she could shot again, a black round object flew through the air, entering the cannon just like the cannonball did a moment before.

"Wait. That wasn't the bomb I gave her a while ago, isn't it?" Slappy said, and, before she could do anything...

BOOOM!

...the cannon exploded in front of her, leaving nothing but debris and a dizzied but furious rodent.

Mary watched everything at a distance, still wearing her basketball's outfit. Obviously, destroying the cannon and blackening Slappy wasn't the best way to be on her good side, but she had to do it to save herself from another blast. Mary noticed Slappy's angry eyes, and decided to keep her distance for a while until she could calm down; of course, in Slappy's case, it was easier to freeze the Hell,...

**Yakko: Freeze frame!**

... or get a girlfriend to Fowlmouth, before the squirrel could do that.

-

VISITING THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

As Mary retired to think about her next movement, she walked near another tree house. It was neater than Slappy's, and located really close to it. Mary then noticed someone was laughing from the inside. At a closer look, she saw a purple female chipmunk looking through the window.

"I suppose that you are having a nice time looking at my problems with Slappy, right?" Mary asked the chipmunk. The furry washed a tear (caused by extreme laughing), and calmed down to talk to Mary.

"So…sorry… but… it was so funny!" The chipmunk said, trying to hold her laughter. "I was hoping for someone to finally do something like that to Slappy for a very long time. Oh, by the way, my name is Candy.

**Wakko: Does she have any?**

**Yakko: Probabally not.**

**Wakko: Curse you! Crushing a 7 year old's dream!**

I'm that old sack's neighbor, and glad you made that to that cranky rodent." Candy smiled. Mary deducted there were some serious troubles between the furries, and then had an idea. If she couldn't get an interview with Slappy, she might be able to get some information from her neighbors.

"Excuse me, Miss Candy, but, can I interview you for K-ACME TV?" Mary asked. Candy's face glowed with happiness.

"Sure, come in. I can tell you tons of great things about my wonderful life!" Candy invited Mary to pass to her place.

"Actually, I just want to know some facts about Slappy. Maybe, since you live next door, you can tell me something interesting." Mary told her. Candy smiled disappeared for a moment, but immediately changed to a sly look.

"Of course, dear. I can tell you all the nasty stuff I know about that old mummy." Candy gave Mary a wicked smile, and then started telling her lots of bad things about Slappy; that she was totally evil, never recycled, was a member of the Ku Klux Klan, scared kids on Halloween… Mary didn't believed half of that. As a reporter, she knew perfectly when someone was lying, and it was obvious Candy was making up most of the story. Mary then noticed something that couldn't fit with the house's decoration; a can of nut's soda, placed over the fire place.

"Excuse me, but, somehow, I think that can clashes with the house style. Why are you keeping it?" Mary asked. Candy looked at the can, and frowned.

"That hideous squirrel forced me to take it when I refused to allow her to drop it on my wastebasket. I keep it to remind me how evil she really is!" Candy snapped, and told Mary the whole story. Mary was fed of this chipmunk; sure, Slappy exaggerated the whole issue, but it wouldn't hurt Candy to be a good neighbor on first place, and allow Slappy to drop a single can on her basket. Mary then had an idea to give Candy a lesson, and maybe get some profit for her on the process.

**Dot: Profit for who?**

"Excuse me, Candy, can I keep the can? I can get some money for it, and I'll be more than happy to give you half of it." Mary told Candy. The chipmunk didn't understood the Afro-american's request, but decided it would be good to finally get rid of the can.

"Of course, dear. Take it. And keep all the money for yourself, I insist." Candy handled Mary the can. How much could she get for it? Ten cents at the recycling center? Mary thanked Candy, and walked out of the house. Then, she took out her cell phone, and dialed a number.

"Hello? Is me, Mary Melody. I have an item for you. Is the can of nut's soda Slappy drank from in one episode of Animaniacs. Yes, I'm near her house. I'll wait for you." Mary talked to the person the other side of the line, while Candy was overhearing everything. A few seconds later, an overweighed guy with glasses, a white t-shirt with, and a green home-made cape appeared next to her, riding on a moped.

**Yakko: It can't be...**

**Wakko: ... Steven Spielberg?**

"Oh boy, oh boy! The can! You really have it! It will look great next to my carrot munched by Bugs Bunny, and the bullet's cartridge from Elmer's shotgun!" The guy jumped from his moped, and examined the can as if it was a diamond.

"So, Fanboy, how much are you offering for it?" Mary asked the guy. Fanboy then took out from nowhere a big bag of money.

"Ten grand, Mary! I have most of it in coins, but it's all there!" Fanboy gave the bag to Mary, who gladly accepted it. Candy, on her house's door, was shocked, and her jaw hit the ground while her eyes grew the side of bowling balls.

"WHAT! TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR AN OLD CAN? HOW?" Candy screamed when she recovered.

"Well, I met Fanboy once when I was covering a comic-con, and learned that the props from a cartoon, movie, or TV show are very valuable among collectors, and he gave me a list of stuff he would like to get. I already sold him one of Babs' shirts, bows from her, Fifi, Elmyra, Shirley, Sweety, and myself; one fish's backbone left by Furrball, debris from one of Calamity's experiments, and so on. Of course, I always share the money with my friends, but, luckily for me, you generously agreed to allow me to conserve all the money from the can's sell, an item I recognized from the list. Thanks a lot, Candy." Mary explained, and walked away. Fanboy was rubbing the can against his cheeks, with a happy expression on his face, and, after a few minutes, jumped on his moped and rode away.

Candy paled, and stayed standing on her place in shock. She walked back to her home a few minutes later, and everybody in the surrounding mile could hear her insulting herself and hitting the house's walls with his head.

**Dot: Wow! She suddenly changed from a girl to a boy!**

Slappy, who watched the whole scene from her house, cracked laughing. The girl was a pain, but at least was a funny one.

A GIFT OF PEACE.

About an hour later, Mary returned to Slappy's home, holding a present's box. She decided that maybe, if she was kind enough, Slappy would forgive and allow her to do her job. Again, she rang the door's bell, and waited. Slappy opened the door, and looked at the present with an un-amused expression.

"You don't give up, right?" Slappy sighed. Then, before Mary could say a thing, she handled her a present of her own. "I'll tell you what. I'll accept your gift if you accept mine, and, if I like it, maybe I'll give you your interview."

"Deal, Mrs Squirrel. Here." Mary said to Slappy, and they both exchanged boxes. Of course, Mary suspected there was a trap inside the box, but couldn't miss any chance to do the interview, even a small one. Slappy suspected something similar, so decided to close the door and give the gift a closer look.

Slappy opened the present very carefully, and was surprised to see a perfect figure of herself, made entirely of soap.

**Yakko: I made one out of peanut butter but Wakko ate it 10 minutes later.**

**Wakko: I couldn't help it! I was hungry!**

Even someone like Slappy, who hated sentimental stuff, appreciated the gift. There was a note inside the box.

"Mrs Squirrel, I made this figure in my Crafts class a few years ago. I think you'll appreciate it more than anyone else. Hope you like it." Slappy read the note. Then, she checked the paper, the box, and the figure. To her surprise, she discovered Mary was entirely honest, and the present had no trick at all. Then, she got a worried expression; for once, she was feeling guilty, and with good reason.

Mary opened her gift at the same time Slappy was checking hers. Very cautiously, Mary looked inside the box, to find nothing at all. Then, she checked the box's cover, and saw it had a bullseye on it; a moment later, a shadow appeared on the cover, and a signature whistling sound was heard from the sky. Mary looked up to see a huge anvil falling on her direction. She quickly twisted her ponytail to give it the shape of a spring; as she expected, it worked that way, catching the anvil and springing it back to the sky.

Mary sighed in relief, but, unfortunately, the box had a fake bottom she didn't noticed, and, inside it, there was a little yet powerful bomb. BOOOOM!

**Dot: Ala Tom and Jerry.**

It exploded a few seconds after the anvil flew back to the sky, sending Mary through it as well. Dizzied because of the explosion, Mary shook her head, and made the mistake to look down, making her unable to stop the fall back to the ground. However, at the middle of the fall, she activated a little Acme parachute she was carrying under her clothes.

"Good thing I was prepared for this one." Mary smiled to herself. Then, she heard the whistling sound again, and gulped. "Bad thing I'm not prepared for the next one!" A second later, the anvil landed on top of the parachute, and its weight made Mary fall to the ground at a huge speed.

WHAAAAM!

**Dot: Now for a Looney Tunes moment.**

Slappy ran out of her house, and gasped. She saw no traces of the girl, except for a huge hole on the ground. The squirrel ran next to it, and started calling for her.

"Girl? Are you okay? Come on, nobody really gets hurt in cartoons… or fics about one! Girl, answer me!" Slappy screamed at top of her lungs. She was used to kick asses,..

**Yakko, Wakko, and Dot: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Curse word! It burns!**

...but her victims were always annoying persons or cruel villains, and, despite she hated to admit it, she was actually starting to like Mary.

"My name is Mary Melody, not "girl". And yes, I'm fine." Slappy turned around to see Mary emerging from a hole, with a miner's helmet on her head and a shovel on her hands. "Nice gift you gave me, uh?"

"Well, about that…" Slappy wasn't used to excuse herself but, when she was about to say it, she stopped, and thought about the name she just heard. "Wait… Mary Melody? The girl that gives the 6 o'clock News?" Slappy asked, ad Mary nodded. The squirrel took her glasses out of her purse, and gave Mary a good look.

"Wow! You are right! Sorry, kid, didn't recognized you without my glasses, and I hate to use them when I fight… they make me look less terrifying. I really like your job, girl! Your last Friday's interview was excellent!" Slappy told her.

"Oh, yes. The interview with Mike Tyson." Mary pointed.

**Wakko: The one that gashed that person's eyes out?**

_Flashback._

_Mary is in a boxing ring, wearing blue boxing gloves, a black top, red shorts, and a white bow; she is on a fighting stance. In front of her, Mike Tyson, shirtless, with black gloves and white shorts, roars and charges against her._

_Before the giant can touch her, Mary spin changes, and even if she conserves the boxing outfit, she now has butterfly-like wings. The girl flies around Tyson, throwing a rain of punches against him. Totally groggy, the boxer doesn't notice Mary flying behind him, and taking a hive out of her body's pocket. Mary slips it inside Mike's shorts, and the man yells in pain. Before he can do anything else, Mary makes her right punch do a spinning action, and hits him square on the jaw, so strongly that he lands the other side of the ring, knocking him out cold._

_Sweetie appears next Tyson, and counts to ten. The bell rings, and Sweetie flies towards Mary to lift her arm in victory. Smiling, Mary takes out a microphone from her shorts._

_**Yakko: She cheated! Not that we don't cheat...**_

"_And that clears the mystery. Floating like a butterfly, and stinging like a bee, is too much for old Mike, so, in a hypothetical fight, at their peak, Cassius Clay would cream him." Mary concludes._

_End Flashback._

"He, he, he! That was nice to see! He didn't made any legal action against the network, right?" Slappy asked.

"Nah, It was embarrassing enough to him to be defeated by a girl in National and Cable TV." Mary told her. Then, she returned to her reporter's mode. "So, you are giving me the interview?"

"Don't know, kid. I liked the gift, but, as I told you, I most keep an image." Slappy said.

"I got ten grand from Candy's can. I'm giving you five." Mary said with a sly look.

"Seven."

"Six and a half."

"Done." Slappy shook Mary's hand, and invited her inside her home.

EPILOGUE.

"And that, my dear audience, was the first of the ten parts interview with cartoons' legend, Slappy Squirrel. Join me next week for the second one. I'm Mary Melody, for K-ACME TV. Good night. Back to you, Buster." Mary, wearing a fake pearls necklace, blue dress, and light purple bow, ended her participation on the six o' clock newscast, and Buster returned to the air. While the rabbit gave the rest of the news, Hamton walked through Mary's place.

"Nice one, Mary. You made a great job with Slappy! What was your secret?" Hamton asked the girl. She just shrugged.

"Bribery, plain and simple." Mary smiled to the pig, and stood up to go to her dressing room,...

**Dot: Little did he know that she secretly commited a murder...**

...but was cut by a mad wolf covered in bandages.

"YOU!" Walter snapped at her. "You were the one who sent me that bomb, right? You ruined my best scheme ever, silly girl! I should…!" Mary interrupted the wolf, and offered him a little present box.

"Sorry, Mr Wolf. Please, accept this gift from Mrs Squirrel, and myself." Mary said. Walter accepted the box, and walked away.

"I wonder what it is." Walter thought out loud. He opened the box to find…

**Yakko: 12,000 hippos doing the conga!**

The dynamite sticks Slappy tossed to Mary on the fic's second act… with the fuse on.

BOOOOM!

**Wakko: Didn't this already happen on one episode?**

A few moments later, Mary reappeared on the TV screen.

"And now, a special report. A comet, shaped like a wolf, was seen flying across the ocean, and directing to China. The Chinese government had declared they are ready to blast it with their anti-air missiles if it gets very close. We have the image?" Mary asked.

The image of a flaming Walter Wolf appears flying near a Chinese shore, and, a second later, is intercepted by a missile...

BABABOOOM!

...making the whole screen to show nothing but a dark cloud for a moment, and then Walter falling to the ocean.

At her home, Slappy laughed like crazy, paused, and directed to the fic's reader.

"And, that's comedy!"

THE END.

**The door opens and the Warners walk out of the theater.**

**Yakko: You're right Dot! It wasn't so bad! Except...**

**Wakko: It got a little predictable after a while.**

**Dot: Now keep the fan fics rolling and we'll be happy to riff away!**

**Yakko: And with that good night everybody!**


	3. C&H The Movie: The Island of Doom Part 1

Mystery Warner Theater 3000

Movie Featured: Calvin and Hobbes The Movie: The Island of Doom

**Yakko: So...**

**Wakko: I can't take this anymore! We've watched two bad movies and not only that we have nothing to do!**

**Dot: So what do you plan on doing?**

**Wakko: Escaping!**

**Dr. Scratchansniff appears on screen.**

**Dr. Scratchansniff: Since I'm trying to make new discoveries in science vese two robots I made vill send you the movie insead.**

**The camera goes behind Scrathanansniff and shows two robots pressing random buttons.**

**Archie: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This is fun!**

**George: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! What does this button do?**

**He points to a blue button labled teleport.**

**Archie: I don't know. But let's press it anyway!**

**They press the button and a blue beam appears in Scratchansniff's ship and in the sattelite.**

**Wakko: Finally!**

**He grabs Dot and hops into the teleportation beam and appears in Scratchansniff's ship.**

**Dot: Uhhhhhhhhhhh... this isn't exactly what we had in mind.**

**George: Oh boy! A blue thingy!**

**They hop inside the teleport beam and end up inside the sattelite, which makes the teleport beams disappear.**

**Wakko: It seems that we vaporized most of the power using the transportation beams.**

**Yakko: If we vaporized MOST of the power then what can we do?**

**Dot: I'm sorry Yakko but we only have enough power to send you a movie.**

**The movie sign beeps and Yakko, Archie, and Bob go into their seats.**

Calvin, was sitting in his tree house with his best buddy,

**George: The king of cheese.**

Hobbes. They were planning G.R.O.S.S. club attacks on

their neighbour, Susie Derkins. "Well Hobbes, looks like

we're in for a great summer of freedom to waste on ourselves!"

**Yakko: And dissolve in the sunlight.**

Calvin said, grinning. "Yep. Nothing to do but play!" Hobbes

Agreed. At that point, Calvin's Dad called from inside the house.

"Calvin, come here! I've got a surprise!"

**Archie: Little did poor Calvin know that his dad was holding an axe behind his back.**

Calvin went in and over to Dad, who was packing suitcases.

Calvin stopped dead in his tracks, gasped and ran yelling,

"RUN HOBBES! DAD'S ON A CHARACTER BUILDING RAMPAGE!"

They then hid behind the couch. "Calvin, come out! This trip will

be fun!" Dad Yelled.

"Oh, yep. Camping on a deserted rock is terrific! We get to sit in

a soaked tent, eat nothing but SPAM, and watch fish gasp for

water in a bucket!" Calvin groaned. But, even with his

complaining, the next day, he was in the car, heading for

some ugly old island.

**Yakko: And we prepare for "Calvin Meets Gilligan"**

"Dad, are we there yet?" Calvin moaned after sitting in the car for

2 hours. "Yes, almost." Dad said, annoyed.

"Hey, Dad? Can we stop for hamburgers?"

"No! Not hamburgers! We've had nothing but hamburgers

for this whole trip! Let's get something else!" Dad yelled.

Calvin grumbled about the injustices in the world,

And then sang, "TEN MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL,

TEN MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER-

"All right, all right! Here's a burger joint, are you happy!" Dad

screamed in frustration. They stopped at the restaurant...

**George: Hey! He stole that from a Calvin and Hobbes strip!**

...and went in. Mom and Dad got salads while Calvin ordered an Ultra Deluxe

Mega Super Triple Deluxe Mega-Size Burger. It had 10 slices

of meat, 4 pieces of cheese, 9 tomatoes, 14 pickles, and 3 slices

of lettuce. "Wow, that's one HECK OF A BURGER!" Calvin

exclaimed. Unfortunately, Dad stopped him from buying it.

**Archie: If Calvin exploded he would have no one to yell at. **

"Calvin, if you're that hungry, I'll get you a Kid's Meal!" Dad

yelled. So Calvin ended up with only 1 slice of meat, and a

piece of cheese on a bun.

After lunch, it was back on the road. Calvin and Hobbes were

bored out of their skulls, and Mom was VERY grumpy. "Oh, great.

A whole week without one decent cup of real coffee, or a single

newspaper." She said, angrily. "I see you were up too late,

packing."

**George: Stealer!**

Dad said, "But this build a lot of char- "DON'T SAY

THAT WORD, DAD!" Calvin interrupted angrily. After a while,

something bad happened. A FLAT TIRE.

Uh oh, looks like a flat." Dad said. Calvin started yelling

unfriendly words at the tire, until Mom shut him up. "Calvin!

No cursing!" Mom scolded. Then Dad opened the trunk to get the

spare tire, and saw nothing but Calvin's comic books,

3 boxes of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, Calvin's inventions,

and cans of tuna.

"All right Calvin, where did you put the spare!" He screamed.

"Oh, I had to take it out to get all of my Captain Napalm comics

in." He said. Dad and Hobbes both yelled at him for that, and Dad

ripped up one comic book, much to Calvin's extreme

anger.

**Yakko: He graphicly ripped his guts out.**

Just then, Dad spotted someone in the distance. "Calvin,

come with me." He said, and then ran down the highway. Calvin

and Hobbes followed. "I wonder who that is." Hobbes said. Once

they reached the person, Calvin shouted happily, "UNCLE MAX!"

Max, who was looking the other way, turned and said, "What-

Huh? Hey, bro! Hey Calvin!" "Max?" Dad asked, "Could you help

us out? Our car has a flat. We need to get to a service station."

"OK, sure. There's one a little down the road from here." Max

replied. "Thanks, c'mon! Oh, and Max, why are you out here?"

Dad asked.

"My car was stolen." Max said, sighing. "Oh, that's too bad." Dad

said. They then ran back to the car.

**Archie: Afterwards he backed into Calvin's uncle thus ending the reign of Max.**

After a while of everyone pushing the car, they got to the service

station. Dad got a new tire, and invited Max on the trip.

He agreed, and Calvin was a little happier.

**George: When he saw the hotdog in his back pocket.**

When they finally reached the island,

Calvin grumbled and said, "Oh boy, Good old Itchy

Island, Home of the Nuclear Mosquitoes."

"Bug bites build character!" Dad said. "Yeah, last year, you said

diarrhea builds character." Calvin shot back. "So think what a

fine young man you'll grow up to be!" Dad said. "Yeah, if all this

character doesn't kill me first." Calvin said, walking away with

Hobbes.

**George: I hate you, stealer!**

Up in a tree that night, a camera watched Calvin doing a

Spaceman Spiff fantasy sequence. "The incredible

Spaceman Spiff leaps from the smoldering remains of his

spacecraft, and sets of to search the foggy planet Zok.

He sees an alien approaching. Spiff dashes behind

A boulder and sets his Death Ray Blaster to Shake 'n

Bake, and leaps out! He blasts the alien, but it only

becomes angry!"

**George: God dang it you!**

Calvin had actually blasted Dad with several water balloons,

so within 10 seconds, Calvin was duct-taped into

his sleeping bag. The camera wire inside that tree led down to a

secret lair underneath the island.

Inside it, a villain named Dr. Darkshock,...

**Yakko: DR. Darkshock?**

**Archie: The Dr. part is higly original.**

...watched on a TV

screen. "Yes! Oh yes! He's perfect!" He said with a deep, evil

voice, "He's exactly the person I need. Once I capture him, my

plan to take over the world can be completed! MWA HA HA HA

HA, AH HA HA HA HA!" He laughed maniacally.

**George: "I needed to clear up my throat."**

...Up on the island,

Calvin's family was waking up from an interrupted night.

"DEAR! TAKE THAT GAG OFF OF CALVIN'S MOUTH! YOU COULD

KILL HIM!" Mom screamed at Dad, who took it off. "He probably

thinks it would be an improvement." Calvin snorted.

"Don't think that way, Calvin." Max said.

**Archie: "Because we're having porkchop tonight."**

**Yakko: "That'll teach you not to snort!"**

Dad went out fishing later, so Calvin, Hobbes, Mom, and Max

were alone at the campsite. Dad hummed to himself as he

headed to the lake. He rowed the boat out, and cast his line

out. After catching 3 fish, he saw another boat coming up.

When it reached him, he saw that it was his friend, Bob.

"Hey, Bob! It's me!" Dad called. "Back off, chump! I'm busy!"

Bob said, angrily.

"What the heck?" Dad exclaimed. Bob was his best

friend. Every Friday, Bob visited and they played cards.

But then why was he suddenly getting so angry at him?

**George: "You never gave me my weedwhacker back!"**

Dad stopped thinking about it after a while, and went back to

fishing. After a half hour, he came back and everyone

ate breakfast. "While I was on the lake, I saw my friend Bob,

and when I said hello to him, he started freaking out at me!"

Dad told everybody. "He was probably just tired, Dear. You were

out quite early." Mom answered. "Hmm, I guess so." Dad said.

**Yakko: Who cares about Bob anyway! Let's just get on with the story!**

After breakfast, Calvin unpacked his stuff. "Hey Hobbes! Wanna

play Calvinball?" He asked. "You bet!" Hobbes answered

cheerfully. They began to play, every minute calling out a

new rule. "Hobbes! You ran into the iced zone! You're frozen for

30 seconds!" Calvin called. "Oh man." Hobbes said, freezing in

place. Calvin bonked Hobbes with the ball, thus scoring but

freeing Hobbes. They played for 2 hours before stopping.

Calvin felt a mosquito land on his arm. "Hey!" He said, slapping it.

When he hit it, his hand hit something HARD...

**Archie: Hotpocket!**

...and he got

shocked. "Ow! What was that?" He asked himself. He took the

crushed bug off of

his arm, and stared at it. "Hey, it feels…

**George: "Squishy... what in the heck is this thing!"**

...METTALIC!"

Down in Darkshock's evil lair, a huge machine was running at full

speed. A conveyor belt carried...

**Archie: Thousands of Doritos!**

...bug size robots to a loading

machine. Darkshock's hand reached down and picked...

**George: His nose.**

...one up off of the belt. "Hello, my pretty little MosquitoBot.

Go and get that spiky-haired kid bitten and then bring

him down here." He instructed the tiny machine,

before tossing it up...

**George: His butt.**

...a tube.

Calvin was above ground, studying the metal

mosquito. "Hobbes, I think something weird is

happening on this island!" Calvin said.

"You can say that again!" Hobbes replied.

**Yakko, Archie, and George: "Hobbes, I think something weird is happening on this island!"**

"Well, this is definitely no a normal bug.

In fact, I think it's a robot!" Calvin concluded.

**Yakko: No duh!**

**George: Wow! I think I didn't know that!**

**Archie: Notice Calvin's amazing ability to point out the obvious in a complicated way!**

"We've gotta show it to your parents!"

Hobbes said. Calvin and Hobbes then ran off toward

the campsite.

Back in the field, a tree opened up, and a small...

**Yakko: Milkshake.**

...electronic mosquito flew out after Calvin and Hobbes.

"Mom!" Calvin called. "WHAT IS IT CALVIN! CAN'T YOU

SEE I'M VERY BUSY!" Mom screamed, furiously.

**Archie: But she isn't even doing anything!**

"Woah, Mom! You don't need to freak out!" Calvin said, getting a little scared.

"WELL THEN, GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE!" Mom yelled.

Calvin ran off to look for Dad, who he hoped wouldn't

get mad. "Dad! Hey, Dad!" Calvin yelled. "CALVIN! GO PLAY WITH

YOUR STUFFED TIGER, AND STOP BOTHERING

ME!"

**George: I don;t see any stuffed tiger! Where's the stuffed tiger!**

"Yikes. That was creepy." Calvin whispered to Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes rushed away, wondering why everyone was

getting so mad. "Wait a sec… …didn't Dad say

that his friend Bob got really mad when he said hi to

him on the lake?" Calvin asked.

**Yakko: And your point is...**

"Yeah, he did. Hmm…" Hobbes answered. "What are you

thinking about?" Calvin asked. "Nothing. Let's go see Uncle Max.

I think the mosquitoes are coming back." Hobbes replied.

**Archie: Wow! They said two sentences at the same time!**

"Hey Uncle Max! Max!" Calvin called. "Yeah Calvin?" Max said.

"Do you remember when my Dad said that his friend yelled at him

on the lake this morning?" Calvin asked. "Yeah." What about it?"

Max asked. "Well, now I said hi to my parents, and they went

insane!" Calvin answered. "Hmm, maybe they were just busy

working." Max suggested. "Yeah, maybe. OH! RIGHT! I have to

show you this thing." Calvin said, "It feels like a metal mosquito!"

"What? This is strange. This **_IS_** a metal mosquito!" Max said,

studying it. While he talked to Calvin about it, another one

flew into the clearing, heading for Calvin. "Well, I don't know

what's going on, but someone should investigate it...

**George: I know! Sherlock Holmes!**

..." Max said.

"Yes sir! Me and Hobbes...

**Archie: "Hobbes and I!"**

...will do all we can to get rid of the

aliens behind this insanity! Where should we start?" Calvin said,

trying to sound dramatic. "What? Oh. Uh, Calvin I meant the

police." Max said. "Oh. Well I guess I'll just mope around here

then." Calvin said, disappointed. Calvin then swatted a...

**Yakko: A giant pteranodon away.**

...bug away.

A tiny camera on the electric mosquito buzzed out, and a TV

screen in a certain evil lair blacked out. "WHAT!

For Pete's sake! That stupid kid broke the machine!"

Dr. Darkshock growled furiously, "Now I have to come up with

an entire new plan in under 6 days, or that kid will...

**George: Randomly hop in my lair and have diarrhea!**

...go home!"

he finished. Darkshock walked over to the MosquitoBot machine,

and took about ten of the robots off of the conveyer belt. "That

kid won't be able to get rid of all of you. Hehehe." He then sent

them up the tube. Back on the island, Calvin and Hobbes talked

about...

**Archie: The meaning of life?**

**George: The compilication of girls?**

**Yakko: Why MST3Ks episodes have different numbers instead of what they really are?**

...what was happening. "I wonder who is behind this." Calvin

said. "Maybe it was Rupert Chill from last summer!" Hobbes said.

**Archie: He didn't ask permisson from Swing123! I'm telling!**

"Nah, some other author wrote that story." Calvin said, sighing.

"Oh, right. Maybe Dr. Retro?" Hobbes suggested, leaning against

a tree.

**Yakko: He didn't ask permisson from garfieldodie! They'll be mad for sure...**

"No, same as before." "Garfield?" "No." "Godzilla?" "No."

"Hmm. YOU?" "NO!" "Hank the Cowdog?"

"FOR THE FINAL TIME, NO!" Calvin yelled, ending the stupid

conversation.

**George: Why is Hobbes the stupid one in this movie instead of Calvin?**

"Well, whoever it is, we have to stop them!"

Hobbes said. "Right! Let's go!" Calvin said, jumping and running

off. "I didn't mean already!" Hobbes called, "Sigh, here we go

again."

**The door opens and Yakko and the bots walk out of the theater.**

**To be continued...**


	4. C&H The Movie: The Island of Doom Part 2

Mystery Warner Theater 3000

Movie Featured: Calvin and Hobbes The Movie: The Island of Doom part 2

**Yakko: How's the power going, siblings?**

**Dot: It's warming up.**

**Wakko: I think we'll have enough power by the time the movie's over.**

**Archie: Predictable...**

**George: I'm getting used to this plot device by now.**

**The movie sign beeps and they go back to their seats.**

Hobbes followed Calvin through the woods for a while, before

losing track of him. "Oh, great. He got too far ahead. CALVIN!"

Hobbes said. "I'm over here!" Calvin replied. "Where is here?"

Hobbes asked. "Here!" Calvin said again. "WHERE!" Hobbes

asked, getting annoyed. "Sigh. **UP** here." Calvin said.

"Oh. Above me." Hobbes said, looking up. Calvin was hanging

by his leg in a tree. "I stepped on a deer trap, now help me

down, Furball!" Calvin said. "No, you just called me a furball."

Hobbes said, crossing his arms.

"AAARRRGGGHHH! Fine! You're not a furball,

now just help me down!" Calvin screamed. "All right, fine."

Hobbes said, starting to climb the tree. Once he reached the top,

he hit the switch blade in his claws and cut the rope.

**Yakko: There aren't any switch blades in claws!**

**Archie: He must be a robot!**

**George: "Mecha-Hobbes" coming soon to a theater near you.**

"AAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Calvin screamed, falling to the

ground. He landed on Hobbes, who had jumped down already.

"Ow. Nice landing. I'm probably paralyzed." Hobbes said, lying

on the ground with Calvin on him. "All except your mouth,

apparently. Now get up, and let's go!" Calvin said, hopping up.

**Archie: How many times do I have to say this! Stop stealing from comic strips!**

"Fine. I'm coming." Hobbes said. They ran for a while but found

out nothing. Calvin leaned on a tree and started to say, "Hobbes,

I don't know how we're find out anythiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!"

The tree had slid to the side, revealing a hole that Calvin fell into. "Calvin! Are you OK down there!" Hobbes yelled, running

to...

**George: The shed so he can get out his power tools!**

**Archie: _"Famous childhood star killed by tiger with saw."_**

...the hole. "Oh, sure! If you call probably fracturing your skull

OK, then sure, I'm at peak strength!" Calvin replied, come down

here and help me." "OK, I'm coming!" Hobbes called before

jumping into the hole. "WWWWWOOOOAAAHHHH!" Hobbes

yelled, sliding down a tube. "Oh, no. DON'T LAND HERE!

DON'T LAND HERE!" Calvin yelled as Hobbes fell at him. BAM!

Hobbes landed there. There happened to be on Calvin's head.

**Yakko: _"Barney the dinosaur gets a stunt double."_**

"OK, Now I know I fractured it." Calvin said, rubbing his very

sore head. They got up, and headed down a hallway they were in.

"Man, it's spooky in here." Calvin said. "Yeah. There's huge...

**George: Rear ends!**

...machines everywhere." Hobbes said. "Yep. It reminds me

of one of Spaceman Spiff's adventures on planet Zo-...

"Calvin, this no time for a fantasy sequence,

so don't start!" Hobbes yelled, shaking Calvin. "All right.

Just go ruin the fun." Calvin said. "FUN! YOU THINK WE'RE

HAVING FUN! THEN GO SOAK YOUR HEAD!" Hobbes screamed

in Calvin's face. They walked for a few minutes, and Calvin

suddenly stopped. Hobbes bumped into him and yelled,

"AAAHHH! Calvin! You almost gave me a heart attack!" "Well,

sooooorry. Watch where you're going." Calvin said. For a few

more minutes, it was quiet until...

**Archie: Britney Spears appeared with Avril Lavene!**

...evil laughter cut through the

darkness. "Ha ha ha ha! That kid is in here somewhere in here!"

it said. Calvin and Hobbes gasped. "What was that!" Calvin

asked. "I dunno, but I think we better run!" Hobbes replied.

"Right! Let's go!" Calvin said before they ran off.

After about 5 minutes of running, Calvin and Hobbes stopped,

panting. "I think we lost whoever that was." Calvin said.

"Mua ha ha ha ha! Wrong!" The voice laughed.

Just then, someone stepped out of the darkness, and threw a bag

over Calvin and Hobbes. "Aaaaahhhhh! Help!" They yelled.

Calvin and Hobbes screamed as a bag was thrown

over their heads. "AAAAAHHHH! Help!" Calvin screamed.

**Yakko: Didn't that just happen?**

"Oh, shut up kid. Nobody can hear you!" The deep voice

said. "Make me!" Calvin said from inside the bag. "Calvin,

shut up!" Hobbes said. Calvin grumbled for a while before

they were dumped out of the bag onto an examination table.

Calvin spun around to face the kidnapper, but he couldn't tell

who it was because the person had his back turned. Suddenly,

the person turned around, revealing himself as…

…DOCTOR DARKSHOCK!

**Archie: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... we kind of knew that already.**

"Hehehe. I knew I'd capture you two

eventually." Darkshock laughed. "Now to begin the test." He

said to Calvin. "TEST! OH NO! WAIT! I KNOW THE ANSWERS!

1612! THE BATTLE OF LEXINGTON! ELI WHITNEY AND THE

COTTON GIN! PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME A TEST!" Calvin screamed,

dropping to his knees. Darkshock stared at the moron on the

floor before simply saying, "Relax, kid. It's an **imagination **test.

Now shut up so we can start, you little loon!" Darkshock yelled,

"Now, Number On-

"Wait!" Calvin interrupted. "WHAT IS IT, YOU IDIOT!"

Darkshock yelled angrily. "We haven't introduced ourselves

yet." Calvin said. Dr. Darkskock smacked a hand onto his

forehead and dragged it down to his chin. "All right, you moron. If

it will shut your little trap. My name is Dr. Gerald Darkshock! The

soon-to-be ruler of the universe, AH HA HA HA HA- HACK!

COUGH!" Darkshock thundered. (And coughed!)

**George: "Where's my asprin?"**

Darkshock sighed deeply before continuing. "I will

rule the world, and all I have to do is kill you, Earth Potentate.

AH HA HA HA HA!" He laughed. "Wha-? Earth Potenta- OH NO.

Not you too."

**Archie and George: It's... Fred Fredburger!**

Calvin said, rolling his eyes skyward. "Oh yes. I

have two important little messengers who told me all about you."

Darkshock laughed. "Oh great. Well, after that

REEEEAAAALLLLYYY looooooooooooooong introduction,

my name's Calvin." "Well, All righty then. Ahem, slaves! Get

in here to begin the test!" Darkshock yelled, clapping his hands.

A piece of the wall moved away, and two VERY familiar figures

walked into the room. "Galaxoid and Nebular!" Calvin and

Hobbes gasped. "I know. It's not good. I mean, first we were

slaves to Retro, and now this!" Galaxoid sobbed. "Yes, it's been

out of the flying ban, and into the wire for us!" Nebular bawled.

Everyone stared at the dimwit in front of them, before going back

to the original conversation. "Sooooooooooooooooo, let's start

the test already. Bring in the Imagination-Drainer!" Darkshock

shouted. Nebular carried a large helmet attached to a

suction tube, and a...

**George: Gigantic pile of dung!**

..tank. "Imagination-Drainer!" Calvin

gasped. "Oh yes. It's an imagination test! This machine will

suck out our imaginations, and we will pit them against

each other! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Are you ready, brat!"

Darkshock yelled, flicking the ON/OFF switch to ON.

Two powerful lasers blasted out of the machine, and hit

Calvin and the insane doctor. Seconds later, green rings

appeared around Calvin and Doctor Darkshock. The rings

rose up and made...

**Yakko: The world's supply of boogers!**

...tall green tubes, which silhouettes appeared in

moments later. The three rings around Calvin had Calvin-shaped

silhouettes in them, while the three around Darkshock had

strange shapes in them. "Ahem, Dr. Darkshock, MEET MY

ALTER EGOS!" Calvin yelled, "Spaceman Spiff," The first ring

opened, "Tracer Bullet," The second ring opened, "AND…

…STUPENDOUS MAN!" Calvin yelled as the last ring on his

side opened. The four Calvins all prepared to pound a little mad

scientist, but at that point, that ended up with more than a little.

Dr. Darkshock's rings opened and out stepped 3 more

Darkshocks. "Calvin, Spiff, Tracer, Stupendous, and Hobbes,

meet my power clones!" Darkshock yelled. "Power clones?"

Hobbes asked, "What makes them powerful?" "This." Darkshock

said as a clone punched a wall, reducing it to specks of rock.

Calvin's jaw dropped to the floor, and Hobbes' fur got bushy.

"Ha! I'm not afraid of you!" Tracer said, pointing his gun at

all the Darkshocks. "Ha! You think I'm scared of that little toy

gun?" A Darkshock asked. "Oh, I expect you'll be

scared of us soon." Spiff said, setting his Death Ray Blaster to

"medium well".

**George: That'll be perfect to cook my lasagna!**

"Then let's get started." Darkshock said,

gritting his teeth.

Calvin, Hobbes, Spiff, Tracer, and Stupendous Man

moved around to form a C shape, the logo of "Team Calvin"

As you can probably guess, Team Darkshock formed a D.

"ATTACK!" Spiff yelled. "LIVE AND DON'T LEARN!" Calvin

screeched as a very stupid battle cry before dashing into

The middle of the D. "Let the battle commen-OOF!" Darkshock

yelled right before Calvin tackled him. "HA! Pinned ya! 1, 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8, 9,-

BAM! A power clone slammed into Calvin, so in 2 seconds,

Calvin was trying to get his head out of the wall 11 feet away.

Meanwhile, Hobbes was making his claws useful, and scratching

up the clones when they came near him. "HA! Take that! This is

better than helping Socrates prank Calvin! HI-YAH!" Hobbes said.

Eventually, each of Calvin's alter egos ended up fighting a clone,

And Calvin and Hobbes battled with the real Darkshock. "HA!

You think you can defeat-OOF me!" Darkshock yelled.

"Oh yeah, you could say that!" Calvin said, throwing a punch into

the mad doctor's stomach. Darkshock ran to the back wall and

whipped a beaker of chemicals out of a crate by the wall.

He tossed it at Calvin, but missed. The beaker hit a robot in the

corner. Darkshock's eyes became the size of dinner plates,

and he whispered the words, "OH NO." The robot, which was

turned off, suddenly it clicked on and started stalking toward

Dr. Darkshock. He started running like heck, and then said why.

"That chemical would turn anything, or anyone against their

friends, but since that robot was on my side, he's tryin' to kill

me!" He yelled as the robot picked up speed. Calvin and Hobbes

sat down to watch the show. "Pass the popcorn please." Calvin

said to Hobbes, who passed him a big bag of popcorn. Darkshock

ended up cornered. "Oh, crud." He said as the robot rammed into

him. Following the screams of pain from Darkshock, an explosion

was heard, and the robot's head bounced out of the corner.

"Ha ha! See, nothing can stop me!" Darkshock yelled

triumphantly. Stupendous Man, who at this point was

winning his battle with a clone. "Ha! Hoo! Yah! Take that, vile

fiend!" He said, delivering a blow to the clone's head.

**Archie: With a battle axe.**

After

a few more swift punches from Stupendous Man, the clone fell

down, dead. "Oh yeah! I win! Uh huh, uh huh, all right!"

Stupendous Man cheered to himself. "ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT!

YOU WON, NOW HELP US OVER HERE!" Calvin screamed.

Stupendous Man ran over to Spaceman Spiff to help him.

Tracer, who's gun was loaded for a change, was still having

little bit of trouble dealing with his clone. He kept on firing

at it, but it kept on dodging the bullets. "Man, you are

persistent!" Tracer said as his gun spewed out 3 more bullets.

"Oh, I try to be." The clone said, dodging them. Spiff had stopped

trying to fight, and was sitting in a lawn chair watching

Stupendous Man pound the clone. Calvin and Hobbes

had knocked Doctor Darkshock out before Stupendous

Man killed the first clone and Calvin was repeatedly

punching him in the face to prevent him from waking up.

After a while, Stupendous Man had all of the clones dead

and in a pile in the corner. It was then that Darkshock

woke up. "Ha! I'm surprised to see that you're all still

standing. But now I'll just strengthen the clones to make

huge, terrifying, murderous monsters!" Darkshock shouted.

"You mean, unhuge, not-so-terrifying, murdered clones?" Calvin

said, motioning to the stack of dead clones. "What! NOOOO!"

Darkshock yelled. "But still, I can kill you!" He yelled, as he

began stalking toward Calvin with his arms in the strangling

position. "Not so fast! Ahem, Stupendous Man?" Calvin said,

snapping his fingers. Stupendous Man then flicked a pillar, and

it collapsed into dust. "Oh, your little buddies are no problem."

Darkshock said, turning off the Imagination-Drainer. But it did

more than just get rid of the alter egos.

HOBBES TURNED BACK INTO A STUFFED TOY! Calvin gasped,...

**Yakko: He was always a stuffed toy!**

**George: He was! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!**

**As George started to cry he exploded, seperating his head from his body.**

**Archie: Look at what you did to him!**

**Yakko: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...**

**Yakko picked up George's parts and walked out of the theater.**

**Yakko is now seen with a dozen power tools.**

**Yakko: How in the heck do I fix him?**

**Archie: Just read the manual and everything will be fine.**

**Yakko: Step 1. Insert Head In Socket.**

**He does that.**

**Yakko: And follow the next few steps to give him power...**

**A few hours later...**

**Yakko: ... Step 10,183...**

**Archie: Auuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't take it anymore!**

**Archie punches George and his eyes light back up.**

**George: What's going on?**

**Archie: You exploded because you found out Hobbes was really a stuffed toy.**

**George: Oh... wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!**

**George explodes again, Yakko's eyes twitch, and he starts to chase Archie around with a hammer in his hands.**

**Meanwhile...**

**Yakko and the bots are now back in the theater and they went in their seats again.**

...ran over to Hobbes, and began crying. "NO! HOBBES!" He cried.

After about a minute, Calvin noticed two certain aliens staring

at him. "HEY! WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE! THIS IS AN

EMOTIONAL SCENE!" Calvin yelled at me. "Oh, sorry." said me.

"I'll just get rid of them." Galaxoid and Nebular then walked out

of the room. After Calvin was done crying, all he wanted to do

was KILL...

**Archie: Saddam Husane!**

...Darkshock. Calvin dove at him, but Darkshock grabbed

him and tied him to a table. Then he pulled something off a shelf.

"Calvin, do you know what my master plan is?" Darkshock asked,

holding the thing behind his back. "No, what?" Calvin said, trying

to kick the ON switch on the Imagination-Drainer. "It was to send

Robot mosquitoes into the world, and when they bit people,

They would be hypnotized and do what I say!" Darkshock yelled.

"And since you now know, you can't leave here." He said, taking

the thing out from behind his back. "Calvin, do you know what

this is?" Darkshock asked. "Um, a butcher knife?" Calvin

answered. "Right, and do you know what I'm gonna do with

it?" "Uh, cut beef?" "No. I'm going to kill you." "Aw man, that

was gonna be my next guess…

…AAAAAHHH! KILL ME!" Calvin screamed. "Oh yes.

That's all I have to do to conquer this planet!" He raised the

knife over Calvin, and prepared to plunge it into Calvin's chest,

but just then, something flew past them and knocked Darkshock

to the ground. The figure looked at Calvin, and Calvin shouted,

"UNCLE MAX!"

"UNCLE MAX!"...

**Yakko: He said **"UNCLE MAX!" **twice!**

...Calvin shouted. Max jumped off of Dr. Darkshock,

and ran over to Calvin to untie him. Once he was untied, Calvin

flicked the Imagination-Drainer to ON, and Hobbes came to life,

along with Spiff, Tracer, and Stupendous Man. "Wha! What is

going on here!" Max yelled in insane surprise. "Uncle Max,

meet Spaceman Spiff, Tracer Bullet, and Stupendous Man.

They're my alter egos." Calvin said, pointing to each of them.

Max's mouth dropped open.

"Oh, and this is Hobbes, who I'm sure you've met already."

Max's mouth dropped open further.

**George: He had just eaten 5 million japeleneo peppers!**

"Now, let's get out of here!" Calvin said, getting up.

Darkshock, who had been dazed from Max's karate kick

to the head, had recovered, and was creeping up to Calvin.

But, in about a nanosecond, he was tied up and gagged.

"Hehe, Good ol' Time Pauser! See ya Dr. DORKshock!" Calvin

shouted as they ran off.

**Archie: That wasn't funny...**

Darkshock shouted a muffled

"DARKSHOCK!" But, Calvin couldn't hear him since he was

already verrrrrrrrrrrrrry far away. "C'mon Uncle Max!" Calvin

shouted as they ran for the ladder leading out of the secret

lab, holding the Imagination-Drainer. About ten feet away from it,

a cage slammed down over the ladder, and about 1000 computer

monitors around them began showing Darkshock's face

laughing at them. "Mua ha ha ha ha!

You little thieves! Did you really think you could get out here

alive?" Darkshock taunted. "Oh yeah?" Calvin said. "Just watch

us!" Calvin, Tracer, Max, Spiff, Hobbes, and Stupendous Man then

ran off to confront the mad doctor. "Somehow, he got out of

those ropes immediately!" Max said as they continued running.

**Yakko: Somehow they used amazing telepathic powers to get out of their cage!**

More computer monitors lit up and showed Darkshock taunting

our heroes. "Hahahaha! Find the central control room if you want

to stop me!" He yelled. At that point, all of the screens flipped to

a timer counting down. A robotic voice then said, "WORLD

TAKEOVER IN 15 MINUTES." "Hurry!" Calvin shouted. They ran

down halls and through passages looking for the control room.

The timer now said "12:42 till world takeover."

**George: What! It's only been 8 seconds!**

"Man, where could

the control room be?" Calvin asked. "Hmm, maybe it's down the

hall with the sign that says CONTROL ROOM." Hobbes suggested,

pointing to a hallway. "Well, that ruined the drama." Calvin

muttered. Halfway down the hall, Calvin noticed a fire

extinguisher hanging on the wall. "This could come in handy!"

Calvin said, grabbing it. "C'mon, Mild Mannered Calvin!"

Stupendous Man called. "Mild mannered? That is something

Calvin is FAR FROM." Max said. The timer now said. "5:09"

**George: But it's only been 12 seconds!**

"RUN LIKE HECK!" Calvin shouted. Everyone took off and

continued down the hall. "1:38" Was what the timer said.

**Archie: Curse you! You're so illogical!**

"We aren't gonna make it! We won't be able to get there in time!"

Calvin said. "Wait a minute! Hobbes! Get out my Chocolate

Frosted Sugar Bombs from my backpack!" He finished. "How can

You think of cereal at a time like this!" Hobbes screamed. "No,

I have an idea!" Calvin replied. Hobbes grabbed the box out of

Calvin's bag, and tossed it to him. Calvin pulled 6 bowls out of his

bag, and somehow poured cereal into each one. "Hey! Uncle Max!

Spiff! Tracer! Stupendous Man! Catch!" Calvin shouted, tossing a

bowl to each person. Calvin crammed a spoonful of the

sugar-infested crud into his mouth, and his eyes popped to

computer size, and he was flying down the hall at 74 miles

per hour. Everyone else did the same, except Hobbes of course.

He was just sitting there, reading the side of the box. "Well, this

is interesting. The ingredients are: 1. Sugar 2.Chocolate 3. Uh,

there's no more." Hobbes said. "HOBBES! GET YOUR BUTT OVER

HERE!" Calvin screamed. "Oh, fine. I can't believe that I'm doing

this." Hobbes thought, shoving the cereal into his mouth and

taking off down the hall. "00:39" The timer said. The door was

100 feet away, but everyone was slowing down. Calvin neared

the door… "00:13" Closer… "00:04" Calvin smashed through the

door… "00:01" And smashed the fire extinguisher into the

machine, destroying it!

But, the timer still flipped to 00:00 and sent billions a robot

mosquitoes up the tube. Calvin swiped Spiff's Death Ray

Blaster and shot the machine with it, stopping the flow of

mosquitoes. Just then, Dr. Darkshock stepped out of the

darkness and began laughing at Calvin, who quickly hid the

Death Ray behind his back. "You really thought that you

could stop me, didn't you?" Darkshock taunted. "But you couldn't,

could you? AH HAHAHAHA! Now I have that taken over the

world, you will be the first to become my slave!" He yelled

maniacally. Max was holding the Imagination-Drainer,

which Darkshock grabbed from him. "But first, I will destroy

your imagination once and for all!" Darkshock yelled, slamming it

onto his head. Calvin did the first thing that came into his head.

Fire the Death Ray Blaster at the Imagination-Drainer, destroying

it! "WHAT! NO!" Darkshock yelled as bits of the machine fell to

the ground around him. Suddenly, a TV screen flashed on, and

showed a map of the earth. "YES! Darkshock yelled, pointing

to the screen. "Everyone on the planet is now enslaved, Mua

hahahahaha! I call on you to destroy these pests! Come here,

my servants!" Calvin, Hobbes, Tracer, Spiff, Stupendous Man,

and Max looked around and saw every person on the earth

coming towards them…

**Yakko: How can it be everyone on earth if they're not hypnoitized?**

…at the speed of a mile per decade. "AAUUUGGGHHH! WHY

DIDN'T I PROGRAM THEM TO BE FASTER!" Darkshock yelled

angrily. (You might be wondering why Calvin isn't using the

Time Pauser, which I do not own! Swing123 owns it! But, Calvin

will use it soon!) Meanwhle, the hypnotized people were still

advancing veeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy slowly. "Man, I wish

I'd brought my Game Boy." Calvin said.

**George: Game Boys are so outrated! Buy a DS for goodness sakes!**

At that moment, all of the

people dove at Calvin, Hobbes, Spiff, Tracer, Stupendous Man,

and Max. "Not so fast!" Stupendous Man said, sticking his hand

out. "Let's see how you deal with my STUPENDOUS SCREAM!"

he then screamed louder than a billion Calvins at bathtime, and

shockwaves flew out his mouth,...

**Archie and George: Oh Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!**

**They both exploded from the noise while Yakko picked them up, walked out of the theater, and started mumbling unkind things.**

**Meanwhile...**

**Archie: Why are we so sticky?**

**Yakko; Because I put glue on you instead of following the instructions.**

**George: Is that why our parts are slowly sliding off?**

**They slowly slide off to the ground and Yakko took out something.**

**Archie: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Yakko?**

**George: What are you doing with that welder?**

**Yakko: Oh nothing.**

**Fire comes out of the hole and Archie and George scream the whole time.**

**Meanwhile...**

**They walk back into the theater and go back to their seats. **

...blasting Darkshock and

everyone who was hypnotized. "OR A LITTLE HYPER KICK!"

Stupendous Man shouted, delivering a huge blow to them with

his foot. Everyone crashed into a machine on the side of the

room, causing a massive explosion, which completely destroyed

Darkshock's evil lair. It also sent everybody flying out onto the

island.

Yes, I know that everyone on earth wouldn't fit on a little island, but bear with me here!

Calvin and his friends collided with the ground and shook the

island, then everyone else landed. Calvin jumped up and looked

around. He saw his hypnotized parents chainsawing the canoe

in half so nobody could get off of the island. Calvin then saw that

his friends were all knocked out. Darkshock's minions were still

approaching, so Calvin started shaking Spiff. "C'mon Spiff!"

Calvin said. Spiff woke up a minute later, so Calvin said, "Spiff!

Get your spaceship down here!" Spiff said, "OK." And whistled.

There was an explosion, and Spiff's ship began to head for them.

"Oh, come on! That isn't big enough to hold all of us!" Calvin

moaned, looking at the tiny red spacecraft. Well, I'll just

make it bigger." Spiff said. "HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT!"

Calvin screamed. "Sigh, watch." Spiff said, climbing in and

pushing a button. The ship suddenly grew to the size of

an elephant. After Calvin woke everyone else up, they all

climbed in, but Darkshock grabbed Hobbes's leg. "You're

not gettin' away this time!" He yelled over the roar of

the ship's engine. As it rose off of the ground, Darkshock

got a liiiiiitle bit scared,...

**Yakko: Wuss!**

...so he dropped down. "I'll get you,

Calvin!" He screamed after the ship. Once the ship reached

space, everyone started talking. (I'll just put it in cruddy script

mode to make it easier to write.)

**George: CRUDDY! Why I oughta...**

**Archie: Not now!**

Calvin: So, how do we defeat Dorkshock when we go back down

there?

Max: Um, I have a questio-

Spiff: Well, you could break out your inventions!

Hobbes: No way! No inventions!

Max: I have something to sa-

Tracer: Well, the villain seems to be a clever one.

Calvin: WILL YOU STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!

Max: Ahem, now then, as I was saying, I have a question-

Stupendous Man: Well, all villains have a weakness!

Max: AHEM! I HAVE A QUESTION!

All: All right! What is it!

Max: Uh, how are we breathing up here?

Everyone's eyes narrowed into slits, and they tackled

Uncle Max. "Hey! It was just a question!" Max shouted.

After 20 minutes of clobbering Calvin's uncle, who now had his

left arm in a cast, two black eyes, and a broken leg, was now

sitting in the back of the ship,...

**Yakko: _"Undead Zombie Killed Again By Everone In The World."_**

...with an extremely annoyed look

on his face. He couldn't hear the plan the others were discussing,

but he did hear Calvin scream, "ALL RIGHT! THAT'S THE PLAN!

LET'S GO KICK SOME SCIENTIST BUTT!" After all, who couldn't?

Spiff redirected the ship towards Earth, and went into

hyperspeed. Hobbes looked at the radar and saw that there was

something huge coming toward their ship. Then a laser blasted

from the thing and hit Spiff's ship, sending them off course.

"Woah! Gotta turn off the hyperspeed shift!" Spiff said, yanking

on the controls. They wouldn't budge. In 30 seconds, the ship

began to freeze from being so far away from the sun. Spiff

hammered on the heating control button to turn on the heat.

It finally worked, and the ice on the ship melted. The radar

showed the huge thing was following them. Calvin looked out

the back window of the ship, and gasped. "Th-th-that sh-ship

says Z-Z-Zokian Enterprises!" "WHAT! RUPERT AND EARL!"

Hobbes sreamed. Then, a megaphone came out of the ship,

and an all too familiar hacksaw laugh cut through the

non-existent air. "Ha ha ha ha! We're back!" Rupert's voice

laughed through the megaphone. "Calvin, you're going down!"

Retro called. "Um, Calvin! I thought you said that you took their

ship and sent them somewhere that they'd never come back."

Hobbes said, staring at Calvin, crossing his arms and tapping his

foot. "I did! I don't know how they got back!" Calvin said. "Why

are they back here?" Hobbes asked, annoyed. "I don't know!"

Calvin insisted. Suddenly, a claw shot off of Rupert's ship,

and grabbed them. "Aaahhhhhh!" Everyone screamed.

Rupert then started hauling Spiff's ship back to Zok.

All this time, Spiff had been blasting the claw, trying to break it

off. "C'mon, nearly off." Spiff said to himself. Just then, Earl

spotted him. "Rupert! Retro! He's trying to break the claw!"

He yelled. "Uh oh." Spiff said before taking off. "Calvin!

Rupert, Earl and Retro are coming!" Spiff yelled, running into the

ship. Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out the Time

Pauser. "Ok. Here's the plan. Stupendous Man, you and Spiff

get out of the ship with an air tube, and get under Rupert's...

**George: Butt.**

...ship. Then, start blasting and punching the bottom to bounce

Rupert, Earl and Retro into the air. Then I'll pause time, and you

can come back in here. Hobbes is gonna unlock the claw when

you're done." "Wait! How do me and Spiff...

**Archie: SPIFF AND I!**

...get back in once you

pause time?" Stupendous Man asked. Calvin sighed deeply and

continued. "It's complicated. You and Spiff lock arms, and attack

the ship. When I pause time, the claw will still be on the ship.

Then, since you're still touching the ship, you and the ship won't

be in time stop mode. So you fly back here, none of us are in time

stop, because we're all touching the ship. Hobbes takes off the

claw, and we go. Rupert's ship keeps going and passes Zok,

and then, I unpause time!" Calvin said. "I still doesn't make

sense." Spiff said. "I don't care! Just go do it!" Calvin said.

So, the plan worked great, until Stupendous Man couldn't knock

the bad guys off of their feet. "We need something stronger than

just me and you attacking it!" Spiff said. Stupendous Man looked

at Spiff, and a wide grin spread across his face. 5 seconds later,

Stupendous Man was holding Spiff's legs, and smacking Spiff's

head on the ship. 2 things worked. Spiff got bumps all over his

head, and Calvin trapped the 3 villains in Time Stop.

**Yakko: That was easy.**

"Now, back to Earth!" Calvin shouted, launching Spiff's

ship back to Earth. That probably wasn't the smartest thing

they ever did. Once they landed, they climbed out of the ship,

and a net was thrown over them. Dr. Darkshock walked over

to the net, and started laughing. "Well, Calvin. You really thought

you could stop me, didn't you? Well, I've now proved you wrong."

He taunted. "You never could. You were doomed from when you

came to this island." "Wait! You haven't explained to me why

everyone got angry when they were talked to!" Calvin

interrupted. "Oh, they were probably just busy. But anyways,

when I say you playing your little Spaceman Spiff" game, I knew

you were the one I had to kidnap.

Your imagination was perfect! Now, good-bye, Calvin!" Darkshock

said, whipping out a gun labeled "Destructo-Blaster" and pointing

it at Calvin. Just then, Stupendous Man ripped through the net

and tackled Darkshock, sending the gun flying out of his hand,

and hitting one of Darkshock's minions on the head. That person

was Rosalyn. The green glow in her eyes disappeared, and she

was back to normal. "Wha? What? Where! Where am I?" Rosalyn

asked, extremely confused. Calvin gasped. "Guys! Drop stuff on

their heads!

**Archie: "Go get that anvil over there!"**

That's how we can free them!" He shouted to

everyone. So, Calvin, Hobbes, Tracer, Spiff, Stupendous Man,

Uncle Max, and Rosalyn got up onto a hill covered in coconut

trees. They shook the coconuts out of the trees, and Calvin said,

"Ready, aim… FIRE!" and they started pitching coconuts

down at everyone who was at the bottom of the hill. The

coconuts would bounce from head to head, freeing tons of people

at a time. Then the freed people would pick up the coconuts on

the ground, and hit more people on the heads. In 5 minutes, the

whole job was done, and everyone was advancing toward

Darkshock, who was cowering behind a boulder. "Not so

tough now, huh? ATTACK!" Calvin said, and everyone began

creaming Darkshock. Apparently someone also called the

police, because 5 police boats zoomed up to the island.

"All right, you crazy scientist, you're under arrest for kidnapping,

attempted murder, and enslaving the world." One policeman said.

The police began leading Darkshock away, but he broke free and

shouted, "You haven't seen the last of me! HA HA HA!" Then, a

jetpack somehow popped out of his lab coat, and he blasted off,

saying, "Farewell Calvin, Earth Potentate!" "Wait a minute! You

called me the Earth Potentate! That means-

"That's right! I'm an alien!" Darkshock laughed, ripping off his

head to reveal…

**George: Didn't Calvin already find that out?**

Well obviously, an alien head.

Mom and Dad ran up to Calvin and hugged him.

Mom said, "Calvin you are amazing. You've saved the world

again!" Dad said, "You can choose a hotel to stay in for the

rest of this vacation!" "Well, I pick the hotel we passed on the

way here! Oh, and Dad? Promise me something." Calvin said.

"What's that, Calvin?" Dad asked. "NEVER, take us camping

again." Calvin said.

**The End**

**Yakko: Okay! Time to go!**

**George bumped into the door.**

**George: Ouch! They won't let us out!**

**Archie: You mean there's... more!**

The camera slowly zooms out of a theater screen. Calvin,

Hobbes, Mom, Dad, Susie, Susie's parents, Rosalyn, Darkshock,

Rupert, Earl, and the alter egos were sitting down clapping and

cheering. Well, some of them are cheering. Susie sat in her seat

with herarms crossed. "Hmph. I didn't even show up in that

stupid movie!" She snorted angrily. "Susie dear, calm down." Mrs.

Derkins said. "No way. I spent 9 dollars on my theater ticket to

go into this dumb movie! I want my money back!" Susie

screamed, jumping up onto the back of her chair. Once Mrs.

Derkins finally got Susie down, the credits started playing.

_**Voice Actors:**_

**_Pamela Segall Adlon…_** Calvin

**_Tom Hanks… _**Hobbes

**_Bill Murray…_ **Dad

**_Tom Kenny…_ **Earl / Nebular

**_Eric Roberts…_ **Rupert Chill / Dr. Darkshock

**_Kurtwood Smith…_** Retro Griffin

**_Jennifer Love Hewitt…_ **Mom

**_Dakota Fanning…_** Susie Derkins

**_Eddie Murphy… _**Uncle Max

**_Daveigh Chase… _**Rosalyn

**_Dee Bradley Baker…_** Various Voices

_**Bloopers:**_

_**Director: Calvin and Hobbes The Movie take one. **_

_**Calvin screamed, "TEN MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, TEN MILLION **_

_**BOTTLES OF BEER- "All right all- Wait, what was my line again?" Dad groaned.**_

_**Calvin and Hobbes The Movie take two.**_

_**Dad looked in the trunk for the spare tire, but just saw Calvin's stuff." All right Calvin, where did you put the spear-I mean spare!"**_

**George: I knew it! He was planning to kill him!**

(Much later…)

Take 74761!

Darkshock stepped into the light, and Calvin screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

(20 minutes later…)-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!-

"OK! OK! I get it! You're terrified! Now shut up!" Darkshock yelled, stomping away.

Everyone was still sitting in their chairs, when Calvin and Hobbes

started arguing. "I'm the main character!" Calvin yelled. "I

brought you back to life when you turned into a toy! That's why

it's called CALVIN and Hobbes!"

"Oh yeah? I found you when you fell into Darkshock's lair!"

Hobbes yelled in Calvin's face. "Oh, right! Thanks for the help!

You also fractured my skull in the process!" Calvin replied.

Hobbes dove onto Calvin and they started beating each other up.

Everyone else started arguing too, saying that they were the

main character. "I have to be the main character! I have the most

character!" Dad yelled. Everyone stared at the idiot in front of

them, and went back to arguing.

After a while, the theater was empty except for Calvin and

Hobbes, who then walked off of the screen. 5 seconds later,

Calvin came back in and said, "Coming soon, to a theater near

you, Calvin and Hobbes II: School Daze!" Hobbes yanked him

back out.

**Archie: Oh god... a sequel!**

**Yakko and the bots go out of the theater.**

**Dot: We have some good new and some bad news...**

**Yakko: What's the good news?**

**Wakko: We have enough energy for the teleportation beam to work...**

**George: And the bad news?**

**Dot: ... we only have enough power for it to work for one person.**

**Yakko: Crap...**

**Wakko: Slams his fist onto the blue button, it activates the teleportation beam, Dot hops in, and she ends up in the sattelite.**

**Dot: Don't worry! It's still...**

**The transportation beam dissapears.**

**Dot: ... here.**

**Archie: I think we're gonna be here for awhile...**


	5. A Magical Mistake

Mystery Warner Theater 3000:

Movie Featured: A Magical Mistake

_In a not too distant future,_

_Next Monday A.D._

_There was a guy named Yakko,_

_All too different than you or me._

_He ran around the Warner Bros. Sudio,_

_Wreaking havoc wherever he goes._

_He did a good job wrecking up the place,_

_But Scratchy didn't like him, _

_So he launched him into space!_

_Dr. Scatchansniff and Wakko: We'll send him cheesy movies! The worst we can find! La la la!_

_He'll have to sit and watch them all while we moniter his mind! La la la!_

_Keep in mind that Yakko can't control when the movies begin or end!_

_So he'll try to keep his sanity with his robot friends!_

_Warner Rolecall!_

_BotCam! (Action!)_

_Dottie! (Hi girl!)_

_Archie! (He's a cool guy!)_

_Georrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrge! (Oh boy! A wisecracker!)_

_If you're wondering how he breathes and drinks and all that other stuff!_

_Repeat to yourself it's fictional I should really just relax for Mystery Warner Theater 3000!_

Yakko presses a button, which makes Scratchansniff appears on screen.

Dr. Scratchansniff: Today is a piece of garbage called "A Magical Mistake".

Wakko: And another piece of garbage, a short, "Pinky and the Brain: Taking Over The World Again".

The movie sign beeps and Yakko and the bots hop in their seats.

I think I'm going deaf!"...

**Yakko: From listening to that Heavy Metal Rock CD for 10 hours straight!**

...Pinky bellowed as the bomb Brain created exploded with a loud BOOM. It was the millionth time Brain had tried to take over the world and this time, it actually seemed to be working. People where running for there cars in every direction as the smell of the smoke started taking over Triver St and Walopy Way.

"Pinky, Shhhh!" replied Brain as he tried to find the Mayor of...

**George: Looney Town, Crazy Town, and Canada!**

...Giberich City.

"He is supposed to be here right? I mean- Ohhhh! There he is boss... I see him! He's the guy in the pink suit! Wait a minute.. my names pinky... pink suit.. pinky... Brain, you should really get me something for my birthday! You know a pink-"

"The thing I want to give you is something I cannot give you," said Brain impatiently.

"What's that boss?"

"A...

**Archie: Humongous set of clowny clothes!**

...brain."

"Ohhh." And with that Brain, grabbed Pinky's, hand and lead him towards a blue garbage can for cover. Ashes were still flying everywhere from the explosion and it was beginning to get difficult to see through the thick grey smoke. Suddenly Brain took out a yellow rope and handed it over to Pinky.

"Go over there Pinky, to the other side of the road." Pinky followed Brain's orders and sprinted towards the other side of the street. All of a sudden he stopped dead in his tracks turning around.

"Boss I think-"...

**Yakko, Archie, and George: WHO IN THE HECK IS BOSS!**

...All of a sudden a bus crashed into Pinky, making him fly all the way to the other side of town. Pinky, not knowing what hit him was still trying to finish his sentence. "You should realize who I really am. I don't need a brain, I thought you were smart. Because actually when we are born, we get brains, so really-"BOOM. Pinky was hit by another truck and was speeding back to the center of Triver and Walopy and landed with a thud. "So as I was sayin' boss, you can't exactly give me a brain because I already have one!"

"Oh save it Pinky," said Brain with a hint of anxiety in his voice. "This time we failed but next time...

**George: What happened?**

**Archie: Bad writing. **

...we shall succeed in taking over Giberich City eventually making us Kings and Queens...

**Yakko: Oh no! Pinky's a boy disguised as a girl disguised as a boy disguised as a girl disguised as a boy disguised as a...**

**Archie screams and tackles Yakko.**

...ahem... I mean Kings of the world! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" And with that Pinky and Brain were once again swept of...

**George: Of... off... offfsajsfdbHFGSLAHBFHSAFSHJVGHFSKJHSlsglhjsgfsahdflagfqhlkfg!**

**Archie: That isn't a real word...**

**George: Yes it is!**

**Archie: Where did you learn it from?**

**Flashback:**

_**Dr. Scratchansniff: Babysit my nephew for me, okay George?**_

_**George: Why?**_

_**Dr. Scratchansniff: He's 2 years old and I don't want him screaming in my face.**_

_**Dr. Scratchansniff walks away.**_

_**George: So... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... how are you doing?**_

_**Baby: offfsajsfdbHFGSLAHBFHSAFSHJVGHFSKJHSlsglhjsgfsahdflagfqhlkfg!**_

**End Flashback:**

**Archie: You learned it from a baby!**

**Yakko: Guys! Be quiet! You're missing the best part!**

**Archie and George: Which part?**

**Yakko: The ending!**

...to Prison for the millionth time.

A Magical Mistake by: Swing123

Timmy has passed 18, and...

**George: He suddenly grows thousands of armpit hairs!**

...Cosmo and Wanda are taken by Jorgan Von Strangle.

"HEY!" yells Cosmo. "who are we going to now?" Jorgan flips on a screen on his fairy TV set. Calvin and Hobbes appear. They were in the woods and Calvin was holding a map.

"Ok" said Calvin. "Now we have to do...

**Archie: THE ELECTRIC BOOGALOO! OH MY GOD! I BROKE MY FREAKIN' LEGS!**

...three paces to the south.

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

**Yakko: With his newfound power Hobbes now becomes "Eyes Rolling Into The Back Of The Head Man!"**

Calvin noticed. "Are you in some sort of hurry?" he asked.

"THEM!" Jorgan boomed pointing at Calvin and Hobbes. "MAKE WITH THE...

**Archie: Pizza! I'm starving!**

...HAPPY!" Jorgan waved his huge wand, and Cosmo and Wanda disappeared.

Calvin and Hobbes walk back into the house.

"Calvin" Calvin's mom called. "What do you want for lunch?"

Calvin starts up the stairs.

"ice creme, some cake, pudding, and a cookie.

**George: I'm hungry too! Why doesn't anyone tend to my needs!**

**Archie: You're annoying and you ask for too much stuff for us to do.**

**George: I hate you.**

...Call me when it's ready." he said.

"har har." replied mom.

Calvin opens the door to his room.

"do you wanna play a game, Hobbes?" asked Calvin. "sure." said Hobbes. "Lets play some Monopoly." Calvin pulled the Monopoly game out from under his bed.

He lifted the lid up, and all at once Cosmo and Wanda leap from board. "I'M COSMO!" yelled Cosmo. "AND I'M WANDA!" yelled Wanda. "AND WE'RE..." a stage poofed up, and Words Fariy, God, and Parents shone in blue and red. "...YOUR FARIY GOD PARENTS!" yelled Cosmo and Wanda at once.

Calvin stared at them. "What?" asked Hobbes.

Cosmo and Wanda explained about everything.

When they were done, Calvin grinned. "You mean to tell me that whatever we wish for, we'll get? poof?" he asked. "Huh." said Hobbes. "most of the time you only get three wishes."

Wanda shook her head. "there are some stuff, you can't wish for, for example, our magic can't goof up true love." Just the words "true love", made Calvin do a look of disgust.

"can I make wishes too?" asked Hobbes. Wanda turned to Hobbes. "well..." she said. Calvin glared at her. "no huh?" Wanda spun back around to Calvin "I didn't say that!" she said quickly. Calvin raised his eye brow. "just in case," he said, "I wish Hobbes could make wishes too." Cosmo grinned. "Good enough for me." he said.

Hobbes grinned. "I WISH I HAD A LIFE TIME'S SUPPLY OF CANNED TUNA!" he yelled.

POOF!

Over a ton of canned tuna fell on top of Calvin and and Hobbes.

**Yakko: Oh my gosh! Raining tuna! It's a sign of the apocolypse! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!**

"CALVIN QUITE BANGING AROUND!" Calvin's mom called up to his room.

When Calvin finally came to the surface of the tuna, he glared at Hobbes. "Don't make me un-wish my first wish!" he snapped.

Calvin turned to his faries. "I WISH I HAD A FLAME THROWER!" he yelled. Cosmo and Wanda gulped, and rasied their wands.

POOF!

a large Flame Thrower landed in Calvin's arms. Calvin grinned evilly.

"now I wish I had a buch of gernades! and a gernade launcher!"

POOF! POOF!

Hobbes spoke up. "I WISH I HAD A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF SALMON!"

POOF!

Calvin then yelled "I wish I had a nuclear, heat seeking, "smart," missal!"

**George: What's a **"missal"?

POOF!

Hobbes then screamed at the top of his lungs: "I WISH I HAD A BUNDLE OF COMIC BOOKS!"

POOF!

"I WISH I HAD RETRACTABLE CLAWS!" screamed Calvin.

POOF!

Calvin then said "and to top it all off..." Cosmo and Wanda were panting now. "...I wish I had one of those new Videonows that are in color!"

POOF!

A small mini DVD player dropped into Calvin's hands.

"ooo!" said Hobbes, looking at the Videonow. "I wish I had one of those."

POOF!

Another Videonow dropped into Hobbes' hands.

"Can we take a break?" Gasped Cosmo.

Calvin thought for a moment. "sure" he finally said.

Cosmo and Wanda fainted, and landed on Calvin's bed.

"Calvin?" Calvin heard his mom say. "what's all that noise I hear? I'm coming up."

Calvin gasped "OH-NO!" exclaimed Calvin. "WHAT DO I DO!"

Hobbes looked around franticly.

"You put our wishes in the closet, I'll hid Cosmo and Wanda." he said.

**Archie: He already hid them? That was quick.**

Calvin opened the closet door, and over a ton of comics, and toys dropped onto him.

"OH-NO!" Calvin yelled. Hobbes looked up.

"NOW WHAT!" yelled Calvin turning to his friend. The queston confused Hobbes.

All at once, the door knob rattled. Mom was coming in.

All at once, Hobbes leaped up, and grabbed the door knob, and pushed. Keeping mom out.

"CALVIN!" she yelled. "OPEN THIS DOOR!"

Calvin shoved the wishes into the closet, and slammed the door. Then he picked up Cosmo and Wanda, and threw them under the under bed, and Calvin heard grunts of pain, as they hit the floor.

Hobbes looked about, still holding the door shut. "Spread the toys around!" he whispered. "And hurry! I can't hold this door forever!"

Calvin began to kick comic books, and toy trucks around the room.

Just then Hobbes lost his grip, and Calvin's mom burst in.

Hobbes hung from the door knob, in stuffed animal mode.

Mom stared at Calvin, as he kicked his stuff around the room.

"Is this what you've been doing?" mom yelled. "Why!"

Calvin's mind raced. (If you can believe that.) "Monsters, mom!"

**George: In japanese movies! **

...Calvin finally said. "Me and Hobbes were fighting monsters!...

**Archie: For the love of god! IT'S HOBBES AND I!**

...And big bug eyed aliens from Pluto!"

Mom stared at Calvin. "Clean the room!" she finally said. "And stop making such a racket up here! Your driving me nuts!"

She closed the door, and began to walk down the stairs. When her foot had left the final step, Calvin clapped his hands.

"Ok servants!" he yelled to Cosmo and Wanda. "Lets get down and dirty!"

The two fairies groaned. "First of all, I wish my room was clean!"

POOF.

The room was as clean as a whistle.

"Now..." said Calvin, thinking hard. "What was that other wish I was gonna wish for? I forgot!"

Cosmo and Wanda crawled out from under the bed, and sighed with relief.

"Oh-yeah! Now I remember!" Cosmo and Wanda groaned. "I wish I had a bunch of cookies, a large pizza, and Strawberry milkshake with whipped creme, and a cherry on top!"

POOF! POOF! POOF!

Calvin and Hobbes then began to gorge themselves on the extra large pizza. After they had finished that, they got into a big fight to see who would get the milkshake. Neither won, and they had to wish for another. Then, dove into the pile of cookies that were laying on the rug.

After they had finished the last cookie, Calvin and Hobbes were both sick to their stomachs.

Cosmo and Wanda started to sneak away, when all at once, Calvin clapped his hands twice. "SLAVES!" he called.

The two fairies popped up, a look of total annoyance on their faces.

**Yakko: They had just watched Cheese in "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends"!**

Hobbes whispered something in Calvin's ear. Calvin nodded, and grinned. "I wish that I had another flamethrower!" he yelled.

Cosmo and Wanda stared at him.

"WHAT?" Wanda yelled. "WHY!"

"Because..." said Calvin. "I need to take it to show and tell, Tomorrow!"

Wanda winced.

"Can't you use the other one?" Cosmo complained.

Calvin crossed his arms.

"CHOP, CHOP!" he yelled. Cosmo and Wanda sighed, and raised their wands.

POOF! Calvin grabbed the flamethrower, and began to laugh insanely.

"Wanda..." Cosmo whispered to his wife...

**George: They're married?**

**Archie: I thought they were hopeless losers!**

..."Yes Cosmo?" asked Wanda. "I don't like this!"

Cosmo and Wanda agreed; Jorgan Von Strangle had made a magical mistake.

**Yakko: Okay... that's a pathetic orgin for the title!**

**Archie: Why did he use a semicolon?**

**The door opens and Yakko and the bots walk out of the theater.**

**Archie: That fairy part was very interesting! Yakko, what would you wish for?**

**Yakko: Nothing more than us being best friends forever!**

**Archie: sniff sniff Yakko! That was so sweet! George, what would you wish for?**

**George: Well...**

**He rolled out an incredibly long list of the things that he would wish for.**

**Archie: I'm sorry I asked! Dot, what would you wish for?**

**Dot: Well... I would wish that I was even cuter!**

**Archie: Predictable... well I wish that I was taller! But than again... I also wish that I had legs... and better arms...**

**The movie sign beeps and Yakko and the bots go back into their seats.**

Hobbes sat on Calvin's bed, shoving tuna into his mouth, while reading a Captain Nalpalm comic book.

Calvin opened the window, and stared outside.

He turned to Como and Wanda. "I wish that I had one of those heavy duty...

**Yakko: Machine guns?**

**Archie: Bazookas?**

**George: Potatoe launchers?**

...water guns.

POOF

Calvin leaped out of the window, and ran down the sidewalk, and according to his orders, the two fairies had to come if Calvin needed extra stuff.

Calvin soon saw Susie playing dolls on the sidewalk. Calvin held up the Storm760, and pointed it at Susie.

SSSSSSS! "AAAAAA! CALVIN! YOU… YOU…!"

Calvin laughed at the soaked Susie. Susie jumped up, and ran toward her house.

"I'M TELLING!" she yelled.

Calvin grinned evilly, and turned to...

**George: Susie's house, where he immediately took out a chainsaw and thus, the untimely demise if Susie.**

...Cosmo and Wanda.

"I wish that Susie would trip!" Cosmo and Wanda made a worried look, and all at once, a large purple book appeared. It was called "DA Rules. Wanda flipped through the pages.

"Um, Calvin..." Wanda began, but Calvin cut her off. "That's Doctor...

**Yakko: Arnold Schwartznegger.**

...Dynasty sir, to YOU!"

Wanda rolled her eyes and continued.

"Doctor Dynasty, sir, you can't make wishes in which the person will get hurt."

Calvin turned his head.

Susie had leaped into her house.

Calvin turned back to the fairies.

"AACK! You made me miss a big opportunity! Oh well."

Calvin walked back to the house.

He climbed back into his room.

"Tomorrow," he said. "I'm going to show Moe my...

**George: Boogers! Mwahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahha!**

...flamethrower! Hee, hee!"

Wanda gulped. "The rules say that we can't make dangerous weapons... all the weapons are fakes!"

Calvin's eyes bulged.

"FAKE! WHAT ABOUT MY RETRACTABLE CLAWS!"

Cosmo winced. Wanda gave another worried look.

"If you use them like that, you'll loose them,... according to the rules."

Calvin slapped himself in the face, which turned out to be a bad mistake,...

**Archie: He had just shredded up his entire face! Are you sure this is rated PG?**

...because of his claws.

He jumped up and down screaming, till Cosmo and Wanda fixed him.

"Ok, fine!" Calvin said. He walked over to Hobbes.

"Hobbes? Where's my Videonow?"

Hobbes had so much salmon in his mouth, that he couldn't speak.

He just pointed to Calvin's desk. Calvin grabbed the tiny machine, and began to watch an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos.

**Yakko: That's never been released on VideoNow! He must be... a genius! KILL HIM!**

Cosmo and Wanda began to sneak toward the door, but then Calvin called them in his most politist voice.

"SLAVES! GET OVER HERE!"

Cosmo and Wanda rushed up to Calvin, with the most annoyed look on their faces.

"We liked Timmy better than you." Cosmo muttered, but Calvin didn't listen.

"I wish I had catapult!"

The fairies stared at him.

"Why?" asked Wanda.

Calvin grinned.

**George: "How else am I going to get rid of that poop?"**

"I'm gonna send Susie into outer space, of corse!"

Just then the rule book popped up.

"Calvin.." "Doctor Dynasty sir!" Wanda rolled her eyes. "Doctor Dynasty sir, we can't do that."

"Why!" asked Calvin forming his fists.

"It's against the rules." Wanda replied.

Calvin raised his lips, revealing gritted teeth. His face turned red, and his eyes were flaming.

At last he spoke.

"RULES, RULES, RULES! THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER HEARD SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN! RULES IN THE SCHOOL! RULES IN THE HOUSE! AND NOW! RULES FOR GOD PARENTS! I'M SICK OF...

**Archie: HIM SPEAKING IN CAPS !**

...RULES! IN FACT!"

Calvin turned an evil eye on Cosmo and Wanda.

"I WISH RULES DIDN'T EXIST!"

There was a long moment of silence. Cosmo looked at Wanda, and Wanda looked at Cosmo.

They raised their wands.

Hobbes' head jerked up...

**George: And fell off!**

..."What! Calvin NO!" to late.

POOF.

That single poof, turned the world inside out...

**Yakko: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!**

...The world twisted and turned as Calvin's wish began to take effect.

Calvin turned a sly grin on Hobbes.

"What?" he asked.

Hobbes' mouth dropped open, and he pointed at Cosmo and Wanda.

Calvin turned around.

The Da Rule...

**Archie: The... Da... The... Da... The... Da... don't they mean the same thing?**

**George: What has this world come to!**

...book was torn to pieces. The only remains were little shreds of paper on the floor.

Cosmo, Wanda, and Hobbes exchanged worried looks.

Calvin grinned.

"HOT **DOG!**" he yelled.

**Yakko: Where?**

The next day. Calvin was at the school playgrounds.

He was on the swing set, when Moe came up to him.

"Off, Twinky." he said.

Calvin gave Moe a tricky grin...

**Archie: Seven! 1984! The cotton gin! EMC2! Dang it! I knew I should have studied!**

..."Don't make me get out my Flame thrower, Moe." Calvin said.

Moe stared at him. "You don't **have** a flamethrower no idiot is going to believe that."

Calvin grinned. He kicked at some dirt underneath the swing. The flamethrower handle appeared.

Calvin grabbed it,...

**George: And turned Moe into BBQ, which they ate on the 4th of July.**

...and yanked it out of the sand.

"Take a looksy at THIS baby!"

Calvin pointed it at the sky, and pulled the handle. Fire shot out of it.

All the kids stared at Calvin in horror.

Everyone was speechless.

Everyone avoided Calvin that day.

When Calvin came home that day, he opened the door, and yelled "I'M HOME!"

Hobbes leapt at Calvin. But instead of hitting Calvin, Hobbes rammed face first into a force field that surrounded Calvin.

Calvin walked in.

Hobbes continued his attempts to make Calvin his prey, but with no such luck.

Calvin walked into his room.

Cosmo and Wanda were waiting for him. They were wearing T-shirts saying "Calvin is the best thing that ever happened to this universe, and I praise him, and worship him, for his the all mighty CALVIN THE BOLD!" and they looked very annoyed.

**Yakko: And he used and alot.**

Calvin stopped at the door. "I wish I was at my bed, with a bundle of comic books, and nuclear bomb."...

**Archie: What about a nuclear bomb?**

...he said.

Cosmo and Wanda groaned, and raised their wands

POOF! POOF! POOF!

Hobbes came into the room. He was very angry.

Calvin pushed his nuclear bomb into the corner for later use, and sat down at his bed where there were new comic books for him.

Hobbes glared at Calvin as he picked up a comic book and started reading.

Then a light came on in Hobbes' eyes.

**George: When this movie magically turned into "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" .**

He grinned, then tiptoed over to Cosmo and Wanda.

Calvin didn't notice Hobbes whisper something in their ears.

Neither did he notice that wide smiles were curving around Cosmo and Wanda's lips.

With a poof, Cosmo, Wanda, and Hobbes were gone, and Calvin hadn't noticed that either.

**Yakko: Why doesn't he notice anyting! Is he freaking blind!**

Calvin didn't know it, but Hobbes had just come up with a scheme that no kid in history (not even Timmy Turner) had ever come up with.

Calvin looked up from his comic book.

"hey!" he screamed...

**George: Hey! He didn't use a capital "H"!**

..."where are my god slaves!"

Calvin jumped off the bed, and began to search the room, with no success.

Meanwhile, Hobbes, Cosmo and Wanda, appeared in Fairy World.

"how do you suppose this plan is going to work?" asked Wanda...

**Archie: How come no one uses capitals anymore?**

..."it will." assured Hobbes.

"wouldn't it be easier just to give Calvin's secret away?" asked Cosmo.

Hobbes stared Cosmo. "you have no imagination, you know that?" he said crossing his arms.

Cosmo gave Hobbes a looney stare, but Hobbes ignored him.

"ok!" he called. "time to put Operation Hobbes into motion!"

"OPERATION HOBBES!" Wanda exclaimed. "how about Operation save the Fairies?"

"whatever." said Hobbes rolling his eyes.

**George: Those are highly original.**

**Archie: How about "OPERATION: Rex-Dart Eskimo Spy Goes To A Planet Where Apes Evolve From Men'!**

Meanwhile, Calvin was searching near and far for his "god-slaves", and of corse, he was having no luck.

"GET OUT HERE!" he screamed. "I NEED ANOTHER FLAME THROWER! GET OUT OF YOUR HIDING PLACE BEFORE I GET MAD!"

no answer.

"RRRRRRGH! I HATE LAZY FAIRIES! THEY REALLY GET ONTO MY NERVES!"

no answer.

**Yakko: Who or what is this mysterious no answer? We will never know.**

"GET OUT HERE... say, I never really knew what your names were. you only said them once. It was Cozey and Wandy, wasn't it?"

"Calvin! shut up!" yelled Calvin's mom.

**Archie: Child abuse!**

Calvin grumbled, and walked back into his room.

Meanwhile, Hobbes was knocking on Jorgan's door.

he was wearing the most ridiculous outfit you could imagine.

a blue T shirt that said FPS, matching blue pants. grey gloves, a fake mustache with a 5 cents tag on it, and a blue cap.

"hello?" he called in a ridiculously high voice.

Jorgan burst out. he was dripping wet, wearing a towel, and holding a rubber duckie. "WHAT!" he bellowed.

"this is FPS (Fairy...

**George: Peeing Services.**

...Protective Services)" said Hobbes in his insane high voice. "may I step inside?"

Jorgan stared at him. "why does a man with a mustache have such a high voice?"

Hobbes glared at him, and crossed his arms. "I'm twenty one, and my voice hasn't changed yet!" he snapped.

Jorgan rubbed his chin.

"do know why?"...

**Yakko: I have such bad grammar?**

...Hobbes continued. "because I have fifty nine starving children, and a beautiful wife who can't pay her electric bills! So I work at the FPS. It doesn't pay me much, and we're hardly getting along!"

by now Jorgan had tears in his eyes...

**Archie: He had just finished cutting some onions!**

..."(snif) well," he cried. "if it (sob) will save your starving kids, then step right inside!"

Hobbes grinned, and walked into the house.

"so," Jorgan sobbed. "why are you here?"

"it about two Fairies."...

**George: Hobbes it like The Incredible Hulk.**

...Hobbes said in a biussnes like tone. "Cozey and Wandy."

"those two pink and green idiots?" Jorgan boomed.

"yup." replied Hobbes. "that new kid you gave them too. Calvin wasn't it?"

"yeah." said Jorgan. "him and the dumb tiger. Hobbes' claws shot out of his gloves, but he managed to keep control of his temper.

"yes, we at the FPS are very angered by the way Calvin is treating these poor idiots."

Jorgan rubbed his chin. "how so?" he bellowed.

"well, for one thing he tore up the DA rule book..."

**Archie: Again!**

**George: That's it! I'm moving to Mexico!**

...Jorgan leaped to his feet. "that is terrible! without the rule book, any child in the world could wish for anything! this is terrible!" he boomed. "I SHALL PUNISH HIM, SEVERELY!"

"lets not get to hasty!" said Hobbes quickly. "why don't you just take the fairies away?"

"Hmmm, and then punish him? not a bad idea." considered Jorgan.

"yeah then punish him." grinned Hobbes. your probably wondering why Hobbes is doing all this, right? Remember, Cosmo had mentioned that it would have been Easier just to give his secret away.

Jorgan didn't know it, but he was falling right into Hobbes' trap.

**Archie: He does it for the cheese!**

Meanwhile Calvin was looking under his bed when Cosmo and Wanda poofed up.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Calvin yelled. "I wish I had another nuclear bomb!"

Cosmo and Wanda rolled there eyes.

BOOM!

Jorgan Von Strangle appeared just then.

Next to him was Hobbes still in his outfit.

"You two!" he grabbed Cosmo and Wanda. "YOUR DONE HERE!"

Cosmo and Wanda poofed away. "And as for you!" Jorgan pointed at Calvin.

"WHAT!" Calvin exclaimed. "But... but... but why?"

Jorgan ignored him. "As of now, everyone will forget that you ever had bombs and nuclear weapons! All but you that is!...

**Yakko: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... didn't he just say that?**

...So you can continue to struggle through life WITHOUT FLAMETHROWERS!"

Calvin stared at him. "You call THAT a severe punishment?"

Jorgan ignored him, and waved his huge wand.

BOOM!

The next day Calvin was not in a very good mood. And Hobbes enjoyed it.

He enjoyed it more, when he could pounce on Calvin again. As it turned out, even Calvin forgot that he'd had fairies.

(Most likely because Hobbes kept pouncing on him.)

Soon everything was back to normal at the Calvin and Hobbes household.

Except, Jorgan had let Hobbes keep the life time supply of tuna.

Which confused Calvin greatly.

"You and your stupid tuna!" Calvin grumbled, and with that he left the room.

Leaving Hobbes grinning after him.

**THE END**

**Yakko: Finally!**

**Archie: And no credits this time!**

**Yakko and the bots got up from their seats and left the theater.**

**George: That's all for today!**

**Archie: But before we can end this we present to you: fan-mail!**

**Yakko: This is from acosta perez jose romero:**

Not bad. I don't like Calvin and Hobbes that much, but this is nice.

**Archie: That's the point! You're not supposed to like it!**

**George: Now we end this.**

**Yakko: And with that, good night everybody!**

Bottom of Form 1


	6. The Lost Episode

Mystery Warner Theater 3000

Wakko: I'm sorry I put that duct tape over your mouth!

Dot: Humph!

Yakko: Stop whining! It could be worse...

The screen starts flickering but Wakko smashes it with his mallet.

Yakko: Good job Wakko!

Wakko: I'm the only one for the job!

Then a screen behind them starts flickering and they turn around.

Wakko: All man! I just destroyed this peace of poop!

Dr. Scratchansniff appears on screen.

Dr. Scratchansniff: Now ze movie is another classic by Michael Dare!

Dot: Not him again!

Yakko: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Wakko: It's the end of humanity as we know it!

Dr. Scratchansniff: Stop whining! It's just "The Curse of the Werepoodle"!

Dot: Even worse!

The Movie Sign starts beeping and the Warners crawl into their seats.

The Curse of the Werepoodle

By: Michael Dare

Two very proper British Gentlemen are sitting at a bus stop.

GENT #1: Glorious, day, glorious.

GENT #2: Quite, quite.

A bus pulls up. The Warners disembark. They are all wearing Hawaiian shirts, shorts, and backpacks - looking like typical American tourists.

**Yakko: We're in Hawaii! Sweet!**

**Wakko: No, I think we're in England.**

**Yakko: Oh... this movie sucks.**

GENT #1: Look, how cute.

GENT #2: Yes, quite cute.

YAKKO: What a dump. Let's get out of here.

He tries to get back in the bus but WAKKO stops him.

WAKKO: Oh no you don't. We're spending a week in London and we're going to find me Aunt Gladys.

**Dot: Shouldn't it be OUR Aunt Gladys?**

**Yakko: Apparently he doesn't watch the show too much to tell that we're related.**

They ask the gentlemen for directions. The gentlemen tell them where to go.

The Warners are creeping down a dark dripping alley.

YAKKO: A-a-a-h I don't think this is Picadilly Circus.

WAKKO: Where are the animals?

There's a forlorn Ho-o-o-o-o-wl.

YAKKO: That's one, but I don't think it was an elephant.

**Wakko: Elephant? How did he come up with this crud!**

Dot peeks behind a trashcan.

DOT: Look, it's a little baby poodle. It's cold. Poor thing.

She reaches out but the little puffy furball nips her on the hand and runs away.

DOT: Owwwww! It hurts. I need a bandaid.

**Yakko: For goodness sakes! It isn't even** **bleeding!**

**Wakko: Yeah! You don't need a band-aid just because some HURTS!**

**Dot: And why did the poodle suddenly dissapear?**

A door suddenly opens. There's raucus laughter from inside. The Warners enter.

IN A COZY ENGLISH PUB...

There are mugs of broth, darts, and general gaiety that stops as soon as the Warners enter.

WAKKO: Hello mates.

**Wakko: I'm not from Austrailia!**

Silence. The Warners look around and notice strange things about the bar. There's a pentagon on the wall made out of milkbones. Everyone is staring at them in silence, even the dogs playing poker in a picture on the wall. There are candles surrounding a doggy bowl full of garlic.

DOT: Excuse me, but has anybody got a bandaid? I was just bitten by a poodle.

The pub door swings open and the Warners come flying out.

They hear another howl. They start running. Suddenly, they're on a busy street. A woman struts by walking her poodle.

DOT: Look, how cute.

The poodle gives her a knowing glance.

**Dot: Another Poodle!**

**Yakko: Where did all of these poodles come from!**

They find Wakkos' Aunt Gladys, who lets them in, fixes Dot's wound, and tucks them into bed for the night. They each get their own rooms.

Midnight. A full moon peeks out from the clouds.

Dot is asleep. She gives a short yap and wakes up. She looks at her hands, which are turning into paws. Her snout grows longer. Little puffs of fur appear at her shoulders, elbows, and knees. She turns pink. Little bows appear in her hair. She looks in the mirror. She has turned into the most horribly cute poodle on earth. She leaps out the window and yaps.

**The door opens and the warners start to go out of the theater.**

**Wakko: All man! Just when it was actually starting to get good too...**

**Yakko: Once again we say DON'T EVER let Michael Dare write your scripts!**

**Dot: Yeag!**

**Wakko: Yeag! You spelled yeah wrong!**

**Yakko: And anyone who wants to do a parody of "The Curse of the Werewolf" do NOT make it a Poodle!**

**Dot: Yesh!**

**Wakko: Why do you keep spelling yeah wrong!**

**Dot: Anywho if you make the monster a Poodle you'll have to do something stupid like for example: terroize the populace through unbearable acts of cuteness.**

**Wakko: Yeah! And being put to death by something stupid!**

**The Movie Sign beeps and they hop back into their seats.**

IN A HOSPITAL...

Doctor Hirsch is talking to a patient.

DOCTOR: I'm afraid I have bad news. You have what we call adorabilitis, which gives you an intense allergic reaction to cuteness. You can lead a normal life as long as you never come in contact with anything adorable. If you do, well, there's no telling what will happen.

The doctor leaves. The patient looks out the window and sees a giant pink poodle peeking in. The patient shrieks and falls back in the bed.

CLOSE-UP: NEWSPAPERS

The headlines read "PATIENT DIES IN FREAK POODLE ATTACK," "MONSTER MUTT TERRORIZES TOWN," and "PRINCE CHARLES DENIES ROMANCE WITH POODLE."

**Yakko: "Paitent Dies In Freak Poodle Attack..." she only passed out!**

**Wakko: "Monster Mutt Terrorizes Town..." but how can she terrorize anyone? She's so cute!**

**Dot: "Prince Charles Denies Romance With Poodle..." all man!**

Dot wakes up in a dog pound. She can't convince them that she's not a dog and they refuse to set her free.

Wakko and Yakko search for their sister. They go back to the pub where they hear the horrifying tale of the curse of the werepoodle.

Fortune Teller: Only one thing can break the curse, but I don't know what it is.

**Yakko: One of the only funniest parts of the movie...**

**Wakko: I bet not...**

**Yakko: Do you wanna bet on that?**

They continue their search for Dot.

That night at the pound, the full moon shines through the window. The other dogs back off in disbelief as Dot goes through her transformation. She breaks open the bars and sets everyone free.

Dot terrorizes the town again through unbearable acts of cuteness. Wakko and Yakko catch up with her. Silver bullets don't work. Garlic doesn't work. Nothing works except the flea wich crawled onto her and bit her, which annoyed the poodle and turned her back to normal. Wakko, Yakko, and Dot are waiting at the bus stop with the same two gents. Dot slaps her arm.

DOT: O-o-o-o-w!

YAKKO: What's wrong?

DOT: A mosquito bit me.

Everybody runs away in terror.

**Yakko: Here you go.**

**Yakko hands Wakko $10 and they walk out of the theater.**

**Dot: Well that stunk.**

**Wakko: Exactly! So we need to think of an escape plan!**

**Yakko: And with that...**

**Wakko: Good night everybody!**

**Yakko: Hey! That was my line!**


	7. The Mystery of the Missing Milk

Mystery Warner Theater 3000:

Movie Featured: The Mystery of The Missing Milk

_In a not too distant future,_

_Next Monday A.D._

_There was a guy named Yakko,_

_All too different than you or me._

_He ran around the Warner Bros. Sudio,_

_Wreaking havoc wherever he goes._

_He did a good job wrecking up the place,_

_But Scratchy didn't like him, _

_So he launched him into space!_

_Dr. Scatchansniff and Wakko: We'll send him cheesy movies! The worst we can find! La la la!_

_He'll have to sit and watch them all while we moniter his mind! La la la!_

_Keep in mind that Yakko can't control when the movies begin or end!_

_So he'll try to keep his sanity with his robot friends!_

_Warner Rolecall!_

_BotCam! (Action!)_

_Dottie! (Hi girl!)_

_Archie! (He's a cool guy!)_

_Georrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrge! (Oh boy! A wisecracker!)_

_If you're wondering how he breathes and drinks and all that other stuff!_

_Repeat to yourself it's fictional I should really just relax for Mystery Warner Theater 3000!_

Yakko: Hello everyone and welcome the **S**atellite **O**f **H**umor! Today, we're about to do a play that George has written.

Archie: What's it called, George?

George: _"Of Bots and Men"_.

Archie: This isn't gonna be like your last play is it?

Yakko: Yeah! I'm still trying to get that butter out of my ears!

George: Nope! This one's actually going to make sense!

Archie: I hope so.

Yakko presses a button, which makes Dr. Scratchansniff and Wakko appear on screen.

Dr. Scratchansniff: Today's movie is yet another Calvin and Hobbes classic called: The Case Of The Missing Milk.

Wakko: Along with a short called: Brat Bashing.

The movie sign beeps and Yakko and the bots go into their seats

Brat Bashing

By: acosta perez jose ramiro

Hello, there. I'm Acosta Pérez José Ramiro. (Oh, and I'm not?) Sigh. And, here, with me, is Barbara Ann Bunny (Ehem)...

**Archie: My paycheck, sir?**

...Ups, sorry. Babs Bunny (Much better). Anyway, I finally had the chance to write a Tiny Toon Adventures fic. Babsy, can you read the disclaimer, please? (Sure, Ramiro.)...

**George: What are these disclaimers they keep talking about? I thought this was a movie!**

...(DISCLAIMER: My pal here doesn't own any character portrayed in this fic. We are all copyrighted by Warner Brothers...

**Yakko: So what are you waiting for! Bow down to me already!**

...Possibly, he'll include one or two cameos with characters from other shows; doesn't own them either).

Now, on with the show. To choose our protagonist, we'll use the… (WHEEL OF COMEDY!).

_At that moment, a wheel with the picture of every single character from TTA appears on stage, next to us._

Babs, do the honors. (And here it goes!).

_Babs gives a good push to the wheel, making it spin. After a couple of minutes, it starts stopping..._

**Archie: Land on a million dollars... land on a million dollars...**

...And our main character is gonna be…Montana Max! (That's right, pals. A one-shot with our resident villain. Let's the games begin).

BRAT BASHING.

A one-shot by Acosta Pérez José Ramiro.

Montana Max woke up really early that day. He was in a very bad mood, as usual, and the only thing that would make him a little happy was having a huge...

**George: Turd in the toilet.**

...breakfast while yelling at his fateful butler, Groveley. So he jumped out of his huge fancy bed, and dressed himself (he usually called his butler to dress him, but today he wasn't in the mood to wait for him). He pressed the button of his bedroom intercom, and...

**Yakko: All of a sudden the batcave appeared so he hopped into the batmobile to save the day!**

...called Groveley on his usual kind way.

"Groveley, piece of human scum, come here, quickly!" he yelled at the device...

**George: "I lost my pants!"**

..."I am hungry, and I want you to carry me to the pool. I'll have breakfast there." Monty then waited for his butler's answer, but, after a couple of minutes, none came. "Groveley? You hear me? Groveley?" he called again. When he got no response, pressed the button a third time, and yelled "MOVE YOUR LAZY BUTT OVER HERE, IDIOT, OR I WILL...

**Archie: "Take you down to the dungeon and force you to watch Teletubbies!"**

...MAKE YOU CLEAN THE BATHROOMS WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH… AGAIN". Again, the only answer was silence. Totally mad by now, Monty stormed out of his bedroom, ready to give his butler a piece of his mind. He couldn't guess what happened next.

The moment he opened the door, his whole mansion was gone! Everything around him was just a huge blank space. Monty opened his eyes wide, and scared,...

**Yakko: Realizing that he was trapped in Manos: The Hands of Fate!**

...tried to return to his bedroom, but the door was gone. He was alone, with nothing around him. Then he realized what was going on. It was his turn; it had happened to the Looniversity's Principal, Bugs Bunny… to Daffy Duck, the teacher of the "Wild Takes" class… to that stupid green duck, to his enemies, Buster and Babs, and even to second-stringer Mary Melody. "Oh, no!" He finally spoke. "I'M IN ONE OF THOSE "RABBIT RAMPAGE" PARODIES." Monty was honestly worried, and with good reason. "Rabbit Rampage" was one of his favorite classic cartoons, because...

**Archie: He likes looking at the pretty pictures!**

...was one of the few ones where a rabbit got what he deserved, but knew very well that there was no way to protect him from anything the artist would like to play on him. He frowned, trying to forget his initial fear, and turned to face the artist. "Ok, fool, let's get clear with this. If I discover who are you, I'm gonna make your life a living hell!"...

**Yakko, Archie, and George: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Curse word! It burns!**

...He paused and pondered for a moment. "Wait. Buster, is that you? If you are behind this, I'm gonna make you swallow those buck teeth of yours,..

**George: You sorry sack of bricks!**

...stupid rabbit…" at that moment, his cell phone rang, and Monty answered. The voice on the other side was Buster.

"_Sorry, Monty, but I have nothing to do with this one. I'm just_ _watching, like everybody else"_ Max opened his mouth to talk, but was cut by the...

**Archie: Hacksaw!**

...rabbit. _"And no, I have no idea about who is the artist. Plucky is on a date with Shirley, Hamton is cleaning his house, Calamity is repairing Fifi's Cadillac, and Babs is assisting_ _this fic's_ _author. You are alone in this one,_ _pal."_ Buster hung off the call, leaving a very puzzled Monty, gulping when realized he had no idea who was about to torment him.

Max tried his "all business" approach. "Look, buddy, I have some money. If you are nice with me, I'll be with you" he smirked,...

**Yakko: Oh god...**

...and showed his wallet to the artist. Then, out of nowhere, a paintbrush appeared, and repainted the wallet; now, Max was holding a dynamite stick. "What? NOOO!" he hardly had the chance to scream before the explosion blackened him.

A very stunned Max Montana, still blackened by the explosion, looked at the artist with pure anger on his eyes...

**George: You still haven't given me my pants!**

..."You think that was funny, right? At least give me back my color! I hate this tone! I look like one of those stinking black slaves!" he complained, while, unnoticed to him, the brush appeared again, painting a female afro-American character behind him.

Max felt someone tapping his shoulder, and turned around to see a very ticked Mary Melody.

"Excuse me, Max, but… did you say something about black slaves?" Mary said to him, in a calm but obviously angry tone. Max gulped again. Mary might be a pretty girl,..

**Yakko(muttering): Hello nurse!**

...and usually a merry one, but she was very easy to anger, and taller than him.

"He, he. Hi, Mary... what are you doing here?" he said, fear evident on his voice.

"A cameo, as usual" Mary answered in a casual tone, and cracked her knuckles. "Oh, Mr. Artist" she said, turning to see the artist while grabbing Max from his shirt, "Can you give me some proper coverage, please?". The paintbrush appeared again, drawing a curtain in front of both toons, so nobody could see them.

"Thank you" Mary voice was heard, and then the curtain started being shaken while Monty's cries and yells were easily heard, as well as various hitting sounds...

**Archie: If your children are still present please escourt them out of the room, thank you.**

...When the curtain stopped moving, the artist erased it, revealing a smiling Mary dusting off her hands, while Monty laid barely conscious on the floor, totally bruised and lumped. The paintbrush appeared then, drawing a paper on Mary's hands.

"Another cameo, another paycheck" she smiled and walked out of sight.

After Monty recovered, he turned against the artist one more time. "You can't treat me like this! I'm rich, you hear me!" The paintbrush was then replaced by an eraser, then erased Max out of the scene, and then the artist redrew him as...

**George: Bootsy Collins!**

...Richie Rich!

"What the…" Monty looked at himself, and screamed in fear. "No idiot! Rich isn't my last name! Draw me in my true form, or I'll sue the pants off of you!" He yelled at the artist, who quickly redrew Max at his regular self… and then draw a thousand pants falling on top of him...

**Yakko: Finally! No... wait... my pants aren't in there!**

..."That's not what I meant!" Monty muffled voice was heard under the pile of pants. "Take the pants away, please!" he begged. The eraser disappeared all the pants… including the ones Monty was using, leaving him totally naked from his waist down...

**Archie: Again!**

...Max took a looked at himself, screamed, and covered the censored parts.

"ARE YOU INSANE?" He yelled, even more furious. "ONLY FURRY TOONS CAN WALK AROUND WITHOUT PANTS, IMBECILE!" The paintbrush appeared again, redrawing Max as a red bunny.

"Well, I feel more comfortable now. I think…" Monty stopped when he noticed his furry hands and feet. He gulped. "Mirror, please." The artist for once obeyed the brat and drew a full size mirror in front of him. Monty cried in anger and fear...

**George: He looked like Michael Jackson!**

..."NO, PLEASE. ANYTHING BUT A RABBIT! NOTHING IS WORSE THAN THIS!" The artist erased the mirror, and drew another human toon; one girl with red hair and a blue bow.

"Oh, it's a bunny wunny!" Elmyra exclaimed. Monty's jaw hit the floor,...

**Yakko: It's hate at first sight.**

...and, totally panicked, started running, with Elmyra right behind him; but, since he was on a blank stage, there was no real place to run. Luckily for him, it seemed that his transformation made him slightly smarter, and quickly started digging a tunnel to escape, as fast as Buster would do it. Elmyra dived into the tunnel as well, and Monty reappeared a second later, jumping from the tunnel and covering it so Elmyra couldn't follow him.

"Now, if you don't mind…" Monty talked to the artist again "DRAW ME BACK AS MY REGULAR SELF! I hate being a rabbit! In case you hadn't noticed, I'm Yosemite Sam's best student. That means I am...

**Archie: Phsycotic.**

...a villain, and do the same things he used to do on his cartoons!" The paintbrush redrew Monty again as his (more or less) human self, but dressed him as a cowboy. Max checked at his new outfit, and smiled.

"Not bad. I really like it. Now, what I'm gonna do in this cartoon, fic, or whatever?" he asked. The artist drew him at the top of a high-diving platform, and then erased the plank. Max looked down, and turned to see the artist again...

**George: "Someone peed in there!"**

..."I HATE YOU!" he said right before starting falling to the ground. Being a cartoon, of course (or a fic about one), this was a 50 mile fall, with Monty screaming all the way.

Right before Max could reach the floor, the artist drew a water tank to stop his fall.

WHAAAM!

Of course, it would had been better to draw it filled with water.

A dizzied Montana Max emerged from the tank.

"You forgot the water, jerk!" he said clenching his teeth. The artist draw then a fire hose, and blasted Monty with water while throwing him back into the tank and filling it. After that, only Max's head was visible...

**Yakko: Yuck... this is gory.**

..."Are you sure you don't want to add something more?" he said with sarcasm. The paintbrush appeared again, and wrote "Danger. Electric Eels" on one side of the tank.

"I had to ask!" a scared Max said just a second before receiving a powerful electric shock that threw him out of the water...

**Archie: It's alive... and made the major league baseball team!**

...Monty shook his head, and walked until the tank was out of view.

"That's it. I'm tired of this. I'm a great cartoon villain, and I demand to be treated like one!" The paintbrush appeared, and gave Max the classic prisoner's outfit, with black and white stripes and a little hat on top. Then, the paintbrush drew steel bars around Monty, trapping him for good.

"No! This is unfair! Where is my lawyer?" Monty yelled madly while grabbing from two of the bars. After a few moments of struggling, he sighed, defeated. "What else can go wrong?" In a perfect cue, the prison's floor started shaking, and Elmyra popped out of it.

"Oh, I finally got out of that nasty darky tunnely" she then noticed who is with her. "MONTY WONTY!" and opened her arms to hug him.

"NOOO!" Monty yelled...

**George: She's got a pistol!**

..."I want another cellmate! Hannibal Lecter! The Joker! The Son of Sam! Anyone but her!" Max cries in fear, while running on the cell's closed space, trying to avoid Elmyra.

Then, the camera opens, to reveal the mystery artist, sitting behind a drawing board. None other than…

**Archie: Leonardo Divinci!**

...Vinnie, the Deer!

"My mother raised no fools" he says to the readers, in his cool voice. "But I'm not sure about his." He chuckles.

THE END.

The Mystery of the Missing Milk

By: garfieldodie

**Fade in to Scene A**

**Exterior: Tracer Bullet's Office**

_We find Calvin (Tracer Bullet) sitting at his desk. It is cluttered with various papers..._

**George: With most of them being doodles from math class and notes with obscene language.**

_...The room is very dark. We zoom in on Tracer as Calvin narrarates._

**Calvin: **It was a dark and stormy afternoon in the bowls of the old warehouse. I sat upon my chair thinking about a BLT, when suddenly I received a call from my trusted sidekick, Tiger Eye. He had a way with finding the clues...

**Yakko: No wait... I'm reading the script to P.I.**

...It turned out that he was calling with a problem.

**Tracer: **Whatup, Tiger Eye?

_**George: "I picked my nose, counted the ceiling titles, and took a crapper."**_

**Hobbes **_(OS) _Glad I caught ya, Tracer. We've got a problem down here at the Deli. Ya might wanna come down here and help me take a look around here.

**Tracer: **Thanks for the info, Tiger Eye. I'll be down there as soon as I can.

_**Archie: I'll get there while I finish counting my dangerous weapon... I mean nose hair... no wait! Stamp collection! Yeah!**_

**Calvin: **I felt a chill run down my spine...

_**Yakko: Christmas already?**_

...A problem at the Deli...

**George: People were complaining about tons of crap that I didn't really pay attention to.**

...I was worried something had happened to the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. It was all I could stomach for breakfast. Got me going in the morning. I grabbed my coat and made my way for the door.

_Tracer exits the scene._

**Fade to Scene B**

**Exterior: A Deli**

_**Archie: Wonder how long it took them to think of that name?**_

_Tracer enters a Deli. Hobbes is there as Tiger Eye. He is wearing a detective's hat. He is looking at an empty container. Tracer stands next to him._

**Tracer: **What happened here, Tiger Eye?

**Tiger Eye: **See this container? This thing was full of milk this morning. When the store opened, they walked in and found it as empty as locker on the last day of school...

**Yakko: Not the elves again!**

**...Tracer: **That's odd. Who could've drunken from it before the restraunt opened?

**Tiger Eye: **Someone must've broken in...

**Archie: "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm... shattered glass, tables turned over... nope! Nothing suspicious here!**

**...Tracer: **Plausible. Let me see it.

_Tiger Eye hands Tracer the container. As he examines it, the room morphs from a Deli to the kitchen... _

**George: Oh my god! They're magic!**

_...Hobbes turns to toy form. Mom enters and sees Calvin._

**Mom: **Calvin!

**Calvin: **Huh?

**Mom: **I just bought that milk! You drank it all in less than an hour! How could you!

**Calvin: **_(thinking) _I whirled around to find a tall brunette standing behind me. She apparently thought that _I_ had taken the cow juice! Hey, I would think I would've taken it too if I entered my Deli and saw me holding it's container. _(talking)_ Listen, ma'am, we're just investigating this crime scene. Go about your business. Just go on with your doing.

**Mom: **No use talking your way out of this one, young man...

**Yakko: "I saw what kind of beverage it was!"**

...You're in big trouble now!

**Calvin: **Listen, ma'am, we didn't do it. We're only trying to do our jobs. We just need to snoop this place for clues.

**Mom: **Go to your room. Now!

**Calvin: **Ma'am, I'm not sure you understand.

**Mom: **No, _you_ don't understand. That does it. You're comin' with me...

**George: Oh no! She is really The Lone Ranger!**

_...She reaches down and picks up Calvin and Hobbes. She carries them away._

**Calvin: **_(thinking)_ The dame wasn't listening to me. There was no use in trying to get away. She was definitely stronger than we were.

**Fade to Scene C**

**Exterior: Tracer's Office**

_The door to the office opens. Tracer and Tiger are both tossed into the room. The door slams shut. Pan over to the desk. Papers are just settling down on the ground. Tracer and Tiger pick themselves up._

**Calvin: **Judging by the way were tossed into the office, I'd say she was pretty put off...

_**Archie: Now they have a new case... to find out what put off means!**_

**...Tiger Eye: **That was the most forceful statement ever.

**Tracer Bullet: **I'll say. We'd better get started on the case. We can't be perpetrated for doing a crime we didn't do.

**Tiger Eye: **What's this "we" stuff? _You_ were the one with the container. _You're _the one with the spot on his not-so-spotless record.

**Tracer: **Hey, if it wasn't for _me_, _you_ would be the one who was framed! If you hadn't of called, I wouldn't have touched that container!...

**Yakko: "Actually... I would have touched it! I like shiny things!**

**Yakko and the bots walked out of the theater.**

**Archie: Are you almost ready?**

**George: Yes! Now let's do this just like we rehearsed!**

_**Of Bots and Men**_

_**By: George C. Robot**_

**Scene 1**

**Exterior: Some Big Castle Thingy**

**Dot: Papa Georgio! Papa Georgio! Where art thou, Papa Georgio?**

**George: Here I come, my love!**

**George is riding towards the "castle" with his horse (Archie).**

**Archie(thinking): This is wrong in so many ways.**

**They stopped in front of the castle and George climbed to the top.**

**Dot: Thank you for saving me, Papa Georgio!**

**George: Now that I have saved you, my love we shall continue our quest for Excalibar, the golden nugget, while fighting the evil pirate robots.**

**A wizard (Yakko) flies over the castle while spraying them with cheese.**

**George: Oh no! Merbin, the wizard has come to rain his mighty cheese down upon us!**

**Dot: Hurry! We must escape!**

**They hop onto their "horse" and gallop into the woods.**

**Scene 2**

**Exterior: Some Unamed Woods**

**George: I think he's gone!**

**Yakko flies over the woods and drops a coconut on George's head.**

**Yakko: Is it safe?**

**George: No!**

**Yakko drops a hammer on his head.**

**Yakko: Is it safe?**

**George: NO!**

**They manage to escape from the woods and ends up in front of a mysterious temple.**

**Scene 3**

**Exterior: A Mysterious Temple**

**George spots a gem on a pedestal.**

**George: Oh boy! Rock candy!**

**George swipes the rock candy from the pedestal and something rises from the ground.**

**Dot: It's a giant meatball! Run for your lives!**

**They run away from the meatball, hops into a rocket, and ends up being launched inside some giant swiss cheese thing.**

**Scene 4**

**Exterior: The Death Cheese**

**George: Hurry! We must destroy the core so we can end up in a paraell universe! **

**Archie: CUT!**

**George: What?**

**Archie: This doesn't make any sense!**

**George: It's not supposed to make any sense! **

**Yakko, Archie, and Dot: WHAT!**

**The movie sign beeps and Yakko and the bots go back into the theater. **

**...Tiger Eye: **Oh sure, _you're _the hero for everything! _I'm _the sidekick. Without me, you'd be lost! _I _find all the clues! Thanks to my ability to see in very dark places!

**Calvin: **The argument went on and on for about an hour. Tiger Eye finally won. I think he cheated. We decided to check the scene of the crime, but we had to be very careful. The dame had goons everywhere throughout the building.

_Cut to the hallway outside the office. Tracer and Tiger peek through the door. They tiptoe down the long hallway. Fade to the stairwell. There is a man reading a magazine._

**Tracer: **There's one of her thugs.

_Cut to the real world from a different angle. The thug is really Dad..._

**Archie: What's the difference?**

_...Calvin and Hobbes are watching him from a closet. Cut back to the original shot._

**Tiger Eye: **Why does she need thugs?...

**George: You're staring at the reason right now!**

...She owns a Deli. She's a _victim_.

**Tracer: **She must've hired them to make sure we don't leave until the cops come.

**Tiger Eye: **Well, how do we get out of here? We can't go that way. He'd see us for sure!

**Calvin: **My mind was racing like a go cart on a ski jump in January...

**Yakko: I hate Casablanca.**

...I searched everywhere for a way out of the building. We _had _to get to that Deli.

_Calvin peers into an office. He spies an open window with a fire escape close to it..._

**Archie: "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... I see a tap dancing chicken... an escaped convict... but no suspects!"**

**...Calvin: **It was then I noticed a fire escape. It was our ticket out.

**Tracer: **There's a way out through there!

**Tiger Eye: **Great! Let's make a run for it!

_Tracer and Tiger Eye run for the door to the office. Cut to outside the window. Tracer opens it. He climbs out. He carefully edges his way down. Tiger Eye follows close behind..._

**George: Tracer and Tiger Eye this, Tracer and Tiger Eye that. Why don't they think of someone else besides themselves?**

**...Calvin: **All was going smoothly. So far, so good. It looked like everything was going to work out until…

**Tiger Eye: **Tracer! Look out!

**Calvin: **I grabbed my .45, thinking Tiger Eye was warning me of an attack. Suddenly, I discovered that I was wrong. Very wrong.

_Cut to a different angle in real life to show that Calvin and Hobbes are in a tree that is close to the window. Calvin is on a limb that is about to snap. Cut back to fantasy. The fire escape is collapsing._

**Calvin: **I tried to get away from that spot, but it was no good. I did the one thing I could do: I grabbed Tiger Eye's tail. His scream pierced the air like a violin…

**Yakko: Reminds me of the time I took music class.**

...A violin being played by an elephant.

_Tracer is now hanging from Tiger Eye's tail. Tiger Eye is in great pain._

**Tiger Eye: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Tracer: **Careful, you idiot. You don't wanna give us away!

**Tiger Eye: **If you don't let go of my tail, you'll have worse things to worry about other than being given away! And who are _you_ calling an idiot?...

**George: YOU! Maybe Larry... or Curly Joe...**

..._You're_ the one who grabbed onto my tail!

**Tracer: **Oh, shadup.

**Archie: I can't believe Calvin called Hobbes an idiot even though he can't even spell "shaddup"?**

_Tracer swings from the tail to a metal ladder. Calvin grabs onto it. He climbs down. Tiger Eye climbs down after him._

**Tiger Eye: **Let's get to the Deli.

_Tracer and Tiger Eye exit the scene._

**Fade to Scene D...**

**_Yakko: Those are most of the grades that Calvin got on his report card_.**

**...Exterior: Kitchen**

_Calvin and Hobbes are currently in real life... _

**Archie: Like they even have a life!**

_...They peek up through the kitchen window. Cut to fantasy mode. The kitchen is once again a Deli. We pan around it to find that it's empty. Tracer Bullet and Tiger Eye enter the scene._

**Tracer: **They must be on a lunch break. Okay, Tiger Eye. You get started on the clue search.

**Tiger Eye: **Right.

_The theme from "Peter Gunn" starts to play... _

**George: I thought we were supposed to make the obscure references!**

_...Tiger Eye gets down on all fours and sniffs all about. He goes about a few times until he gets to a big footprint. He stops and points at it. Tracer approaches._

**Tiger Eye: **Lassie, eat your heart out...

_**Yakko: A Popular Garfield line!**_

**...Calvin: **I examined the clue that Tiger Eye had found. It was a footprint. This was a pretty good find, seeing as how there was only one other person to find with a shoe that big.

**Tracer: **Dad.

**Tiger Eye: **Your dad?

**Archie: "Yes, my dad!"**

**George: "Really?"**

**Archie: "Yep!"**

**George: "Your dad?"**

**Archie: "Uh huh!"**

**George: "Are you sure?"**

**Archie: "Yes!"**

**Tracer: **Well, let's think about this. Who else could have done it? The dame hadn't even shown up for work yet, I was in the office, and you don't even wear shoes. He's the only one who could've done it.

**Tiger Eye: **Brilliant! How do you do it?

**Tracer: **Elementary, my dear Tiger Eye. Elementary. _Pause. _I am, after all, in the 1st Grade.

**Tiger Eye: **Ah, now _that_ makes since...

**Yakko: And so does evil space monkeys taking over the world.**

**...Dad **_(OS) _Calvin? What are you doing down here?

_Tracer and Tiger Eye jump. Whirl to Dad in real life. Calvin and toy Hobbes look up at him._

**Dad: **In fact, _how_ did you get down here?

**Calvin: **Don't bother denying it, old man! We know _you_ really did it!

**Dad: **Calvin, what are you talking about?

**Calvin: **Don't bother talking your way out of it! I _know_ you did it. You're the only one with shoes that big!

**Dad: **Huh?

**Calvin: **You drank all the moo juice, you crook!..

**George: You also stole the family fortune, killed little Timmy, and burned the Hollywood set!**

...Now then, if you don't mind, Tiger Eye and I shall be turning you into the highest in command in the police force:..

**Archie: Bob!**

...Mom!

**Dad: **Uh, Calvin, you're joking, right? Sure, I admit it, but, do you know what she'd do to me? She'd do something so hideous, I can't even describe it!..

**Yakko: "She destroyed all of my trophies!"**

**...Calvin: **Whatever it is, I'm sure you deserve it. Now then, be a good man. Turn yourself in. Maybe she'll go easy on ya.

**Dad: **Never!

**Calvin: **Then we're telling her.

**Dad: **You wouldn't dare.

_Dad reaches out to grab Calvin, but Calvin grabs Hobbes and runs out the door. The song "Ever Fallen in Love" starts to play as they run. Cut to outdoors in fantasy mode. Tracer and Tiger Eye scramble around a corner of the building and down the sidewalk. A giant thug is right behind them._

**Tiger Eye: **So where do lead him to?

**Tracer: **The dame was last seen at the flower shop doing volunteer work. We need to lead him there.

_The turn another corner._

**Calvin: **It was at this point I was wishing that I hadn't have dropped my .45 back at the fire escape. It would have slowed this guy down. He was showing no signs of stopping. I didn't like the way this story was going, so I thought I'd write a new ending with my secret weapon as the co-author...

**Archie: And we'll mock you by using our secret weapon as riffers!**

**...Tracer: **Tiger Eye! Evasive Maneuver number twenty-six!

**Tiger Eye: **Right!

_Tracer jumps up on Tiger Eye's shoulders. He turns around to face the thug._

**Calvin: **I knew this would work. It always worked. It left the criminal confused for a few seconds. That was all the time we needed. The flower shop was around the next corner. I prepared myself, then I let him have it!

_Tracer pulls his nose up and blows the thug a raspberry._

**Tracer: **THHHBPTBPTBPTBPTBPT!...

**George: The most mature of detectives!**

_...The thug falls back for a while. Tracer and Tiger Eye round the corner. Tracer jumps off of Tiger Eye. Cut to reality. Mom is in the garden. Calvin walks up with toy Hobbes._

**Calvin: **I haven't got a lot of time to explain this to you chief, but…

**Mom: **Calvin, get back in your room!

**Calvin: **Listen, I didn't perpetrate the crime! It was your hired thug!..

**Yakko: Henry Hill!**

**...Mom: **You mean your dad?

**Calvin: **Right! _He _did it! You see, he's the only one with a footprint like that.

**Mom: **Excuse me?

**Calvin: **Look, it's easy. You were in the Deli before opening hours, I was in my office thinking about a BLT, and Tiger Eye here doesn't wear shoes. It couldn't have been any of us! It must've been…

_Dad suddenly enters, grabbing Calvin and cutting him off..._

**Archie: "Give me back my hairgel!**

**...Dad: **Oh, hi, dear! I'm just taking him back to his room. Heh, heh!

**Mom: **Hold on a second, dear. Calvin, a footprint could've been from anytime. You'll need to do better than that.

_Calvin looks all around him. He spots Hobbes, who isn't noticed by his parents. He points to his upper lip, then to Dad. Calvin gets the idea. He whips out a magnified glass. He holds it up to Dad's upper lip. He looks carefully..._

**George: Oh my god! A munchkin is dancing on your whiskers!**

**...Dad: **Calvin? What are you doing?

**Calvin: **Ah ha! Take a look at that, Ma'am! Apparently, he never wiped his mouth!

_Mom looks into the magnified glass. Her eyes grow wide. Cut to the magnifier's POV. We see a milk mustache on Dad's upper lip. Cut back to previous shot. Mom looks very mad._

**Mom: **Dear! _You _drank the milk?

**Dad: **Well, I…

_Dad drops Calvin. Cut to Dad's feet. Hobbes crouches down next to Calvin. Calvin rubs his head and grins at Hobbes. They give each other a grin and a wink..._

**Yakko: Isn't that from a commercial?**

**...Fade to Scene E**

**Exterior: Tracer's Office**

_Tracer and Tiger Eye are sitting in chairs at the desk. Zoom out on them..._

**Archie: Zoom on you! Zoom on you! I am very azoomed of you!**

**...Calvin: **Dad was found guilty of drinking milk from a carton without a glass or leaving any behind for the non-paying customers. Seeing as how he was my old man, I made sure Mom went easy on him. He was sentenced to two weeks of grocery shopping for Mom in order to realize the importance of grocery shopping. All in all, there will be a good G.R.O.S.S. meeting tonight. Case closed.

_Fade to black._

**Hobbes: **Can I be the narrator next time?

**Calvin: **No.

_End of Episode_

**George: Finally, no more Sherlock Holmes.**

**They leave the theater.**

**Archie: Well that's all for today!**

**Yakko: Make sure to stay tuned for another humorous episode of Mystery Warner Theater 3000! And with that...**

**George: Everyone gets it!**

**Yakko: But... I like saying my line.**


	8. MWT3K: The Movie Trailer

_Coming soon to a computer near you..._

_When our world is threatened three heroes will rise to save us all..._

_**Archie: You mean us?**_

_**George: You're kidding right?**_

_It will have action!!! Drama!!! Romance!!!_

_**Archie: Yeah and it'll also have mystery, horror, and suspense.**_

_**George: Exactly.**_

_**Yakko yawns and flips a page of his magazine.**_

_Come on, work with me! This is a trailer for your movie!_

_**George: It is?!**_

_Of course! You're on the internet right now!_

_**George: Alright! Hi mom!**_

_**Yakko: You don't have a mom!**_

_**George: Oh... what's the point of having a movie if you don't have a mom?!**_

_Sigh..._

**_Coming on November 2006!_**


	9. Sonic the Hedgehog Part 1

Mystery Warner Theater 3000:

Movie featured: Sonic the Hedgehog

_In a not too distant future,_

_Next Monday A.D._

_There was a guy named Yakko,_

_All too different than you or me._

_He ran around the Warner Bros. Studio,_

_Wreaking havoc wherever he goes._

_He did a good job wrecking up the place,_

_But Scratchy didn't like him,_

_So he launched him into space!_

_Dr. Scatchansniff and Wakko: We'll send him cheesy movies! The worst we can find! La la la!_

_He'll have to sit and watch them all while we moniter his mind! La la la!_

_Keep in mind that Yakko can't control when the movies begin or end!_

_So he'll try to keep his sanity with his robot friends!_

_Warner Rolecall!_

_BotCam! (Action!)_

_Dottie! (Hi girl!)_

_Archie! (He's a cool guy!)_

_Georrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrge! (Oh boy! A wisecracker!)_

_If you're wondering how he breathes and drinks and all that other stuff!_

_Repeat to yourself it's fictional I should really just give up, it's Mystery Warner Theater 3000!_

Yakko, Archie, and George are trembling in horror.

George: So many Telletubbies… so many Telletubbies…

The yellow button near the screen started to glow.

Dot: Hey, guys! Scratchy's calling! Um… guys?

Yakko: The horror… THE HORROR…

Yakko sucks his thumb and goes into a fetal position.

Dot: Uh… I think I'll press it myself.

She presses the button, which makes Dr. Scratchansniff and Wakko appear on the screen.

Dr. Scratchansniff: Vell now… zat taught you not to refuse my experiments, didn't it?

Archie: Yes… yes it did… but did you really have to make us watch it for THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS?!

Dr. Scratchansiff: No.. I just like to see you suffer.

Dr. Scrathansniff chuckles, as Archie finally flips his lid.

Archie: YOU OLD B***ARD!!! I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL ****ING KILL YOU!!!

Archie lunges towards the screen, but Yakko holds him down.

Yakko: Calm down, Archie! You don't want to make us watch it AGAIN, do you?

Dr. Scratchansniff: Today, your movie is going to be extra long… AND EXTRA PAINFUL. It's a Sonic the Hedgehog story called, er… "Sonic the Hedgehog". Original, huh?

Wakko: And also, we're going to feature the shortest short of all shorts: "Sonics Boom". Have fun!

George: Have fun my a-

The movie sign bleeps.

Yakko: MOVIE SIGN!!!

The doors open and Yakko & the bots hop into their very comfortable seats.

Sonics Boom

Sonic was speeding very fast, when suddenly Shadow and said: "I am a speed faster than you!"

**Yakko: … Why do I feel an urge to watch Speed Racer?**

Suddenly zoomed from Shadow and Sonic also zoomed, to keep pace with the competition.

**Archie: Wait… what?**

Shadow tried to zoom faster, but it was no use; Sonic gezoomed much faster than Shadow ever could.

**Yakko: **_**Headlines: "Gezoomed" was just added in Webster's Dictionary today…**_

So Shadow went to live in the forest to hide himselve of his disgrace.

**George: Oh my god… Best short EVER.**

**Archie: Don't encourage him.**

**Sonic the Hedgehog**

**George: They stole our font!**

**By: Kijunuah **

Chapter 1

Another Year, another Summer Camp

**Yakko: Wow, I can already tell it's bad… and it's just the Chapter title.**

**Archie: This is gonna be a LONG day…**

Sonic wasn't pleased with how fast the bus was going,

**George: … a total of 2 miles an hour.**

30-35 MPH tops. He could get at a run five times faster than this. But then again, if he did run, he'd probably get lost,

**Archie: "I ended up in Germany again?! Son of a bi-"**

so he had no choice but to take the bus.

But it stank, nay, REEKED of something horrible,

**Yakko: The bus driver has bad gas.**

plus that big red guy with the dreadlocks up front was spitting seeds out and they were landing in Sonics face,

**Archie: "I swear, his face looked just like an ashtray!"**

for his window was open, it was the only one open for some reason.

He soon got incredibly bored and tried to start a conversation with the guy next to him

**George: "Do you know any chicks?"**

"Man, could this bus get any slower?"

The big purple cat simply stared at him with an odd, wide-eyed, somewhat confused look. Sonic decided to shut up.

**George: "Nevermind. No one would reproduce with you, anyway."**

**Archie: George! There are kids reading this!**

**George: I don't give a shi-**

**Yakko takes his head off and throws it across the room.**

**George: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-oof! … I'm okay!**

He leaned forward on the seat in front of him, looked out the window, and saw the massive 75 foot trees,

**Yakko: King Kong is gonna have a field day about this…**

all green with the blessings of summer….

PHWAP his silent stare was interrupted with a black sunflower seed at the tip of his nose. Sonic could feel his face burning with rage, and he stood up with lightning speed

**George: "YOU RAPED MY MOM!"**

**Archie: George, shut up!**

"HEY, YOU BIG RED IDIOT! STOP SPITTING THOSE FREEKIN' SEEDS AT ME!"

Sonic ducked in fear as the big red guy stood up, noticing the massive fists is what made him duck.

**George: "BOOBIES!!!"**

**Yakko: GEORGE…**

"WHO SAID THAT?" Sonic whimpered as the guys booming voice echoed shortly through the bus. "NOT MAN ENOUGH HUH? Fine!" screamed the red time-bomb.

**Yakko: … and Sonic found out that those self-esteem videos weren't working.**

Sonic got back up, eyes wide with fear. Then he looked to his left to see that the gigantic purple cat (and his apparent pet

**Archie: Alligator.**

frog) was both looking at him, curiously.

"What?" asked Sonic, and was shocked to actually hear an answer from the huge feline.

**George: "I love you…"**

**Yakko: … Alright, you're coming with me.**

**Yakko drags George out of the theater by his "ear".**

**George: OW! OW! OW!**

**Archie: Well… it looks like I've got the place all to myself.**

"Nothing." said a very low and stupid sounding voice.

Sonic dashed off the bus, hungry for fresh air "OH LAND HOW I BLESS THEE WITH A KISS!"

**Archie: Ew…**

he screamed, making a large group of people

**Archie: Whack each other with clubs for no apparent reason.**

laugh hysterically.

He then proceeded to run around and play his favorite game, which had no real title but it involved him running around and tapping random "Good looking" girls on the buttocks area

**Archie: My, my, my! I didn't know Sonic was so naughty!**

and running away, making them look back at him in slight shock and admiration.

**Archie: Gee… I didn't know that girls admire perverts.**

But, like he always did, he got tired of the game after a few minutes and decided to lean his back on a random building wall.

**Archie: … Where he got beaten senseless by the "good looking girls".**

Unfortunately for Sonic, this same random building wall was also being leaned on by a very silent red echidna with dreadlock-like spines, yet the blue hedgehog didn't notice him.

"Do I know you?" asked a familiar deep voice from behind Sonic, frightening him to the bone.

**Archie: … and that's when Sonic realized that he was in the ghetto.**

But he turned and looked at the big red guy, who was now wearing a Crocodile-Dundee-like hat, which was drooped slightly over his eyes, and was still spitting seeds. But Sonic remained cool and collected.

**Archie: "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, IT'S INDIANA JONES!!! … Can I have your autograph?**

"Well, you should know me, cuz I'm the only one around here who seems to be getting any chicks, you might need to take notes or somethin'"

**Archie: Oooooooh… BURN.**

The red echidna studied the blue, ego-filled idiot "Great, another punk." He said.

Sonic immediately jumped on this

**Archie: WTF, B**CH?!**

"What was that?"

"You heard me."

"No, no I don't believe I did."

**Archie: "I don't have my hearing aids with me."**

"Alright, let me spell it out for you… YOU'RE A PUNK."

A crowd of people, having heard the latest insult, quickly gathered around the opposite colored duo,

**Archie: There's ANOTHER colored duo?**

expecting (and hoping) for a fight.

Sonic glared at the red guy, hatefully. "What's your name…wait don't tell me, its Butt Lick isn't it?"

**Archie: … Don't you mean "boot lick"?**

This, to Sonics pleasure, agitated the echidna to his core "No, in fact its not my name… my names Knuckles."

Sonic chuckled "Why's that? Is Butt Lick not an embarrassing enough name for ya?"

**Archie: Is Knuckles even a name at all?**

This hit the echidnas last nerve, hard "No," he said, grating his teeth. His left fist flew into the side of the over-egotistical hedgehogs face, knocking him to the ground as fast as the punch "THAT'S why."

**Archie: Under Knuckles' hat, there isn't hair, but instead… ANOTHER FIST!**

The crowd was now laughing at him, even his co-admiring females.

**Archie: … I would say something, but then all of the feminists will be up my-**

Sonics eyes darted to and fro, trying to think of something, he wasn't going to let this… buffoon make him the laughingstock of the whole summer…. He had it.

He turned back to the big idiot, who was having a pretty hardy laugh, himself.

**Archie: "I LIKE PIE."**

"STOP LAUGHING," Screamed the hedgehog in utter embarrassment and rage "Cuz you don't even wanna know what my name is."

Knuckles found this as a perfect opportunity to show off his quick-witted nature "What is it, 'Trips the happy spastic squirrel?"

**Archie chuckles.**

Sonics blood was boiling so much that his fur actually became a dark purple.

**Archie: Whoa… hedgehogs have fur?**

Now the crowd was laughing even more "NO," he screamed again. "The name is Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Makes sense." Said the red one, chuckling.

Sonic didn't hesitate to ask. "Why's that?"

"Cuz whenever someone lightly taps you on the face, you hit the ground with a Sonic-boom…."

Sonic, however raged, wasn't really insulted by that stupid comment. "No… by the way that was dumb…"

**Archie: I agree with Sonic… except that's my opinion on pretty much the whole movie.**

within a few milliseconds, dust was kicked up, and the blue hedgehog was gone, leaving Knuckles with his fists up in a defensive form.

He turned to someone in the crowd, fists still raised in preparation for an attack "where'd he go?" the person just shrugged, not knowing.

**Archie: "Who ARE you, anyway?"**

Then something unbelievably fast collided with Knuckles forehead, and he soared for a few feet before landing on the ground, face-first. He looked up to see if the attacker was in front of him, which he was… about four or five times, for there was a blue and red blur circling Knuckles on the inside ring of the crowd, creating a cyclone of massive amounts of dirt and dust, until a spiny silhouette appeared in the dust, with its arms crossed and its face raised in pride. Then the dust cleared, and the silhouette gained color, a pure blue, with red shoes.

**Archie: … Chuck Norris?**

"THAT'S why!" said the hedgehog proudly, grinning. The whole crowd was now cheering on the amazingly fast hedgehog for his speed, but also seemed to congratulate Knuckles for his strength.

**Archie: Actually, real life kids would just kick dust in his face and laugh, but this is okay too.**

Then the red echidna looked back up to the hedgehog to see an odd and unexpected sight. The blue blur was holding his hand out for support. Knuckles took the hand, and pulled, lifting himself off the ground.

**Archie: "I'm sorry I took your wallet…"**

"I gotta hand it to ya," said the blue hedgehog "No one's ever had that much stomach to take ME on like that."

The red echidna just stared at the egotistical hedgehog with an I-cant-believe-you-just-said-that face "Shut up."

**Archie: Best insult ever!**

**Yakko and George come back into the theater.**

**Yakko: Hey, we're back!**

**Archie: Never ever EVER do that again! … EVER!**

**George: I think we struck a nerve.**

**Yakko: Robots have nerves?**

Chapter 2

**George: **_**Knuckles Goes Postal!**_

Poor Little Miles Prower

**Archie: "Miles-per-hour?"**

**Yakko: I think that they're starting to run out of names.**

A few minutes had passed and Sonic and Knuckles were now

**George: Masturbating!**

getting along a little better, that is, for people who had just tried to humiliate each other. And while Knuckles was talking with Sonic about who had really won the fight, something caught his keen violet eyes.

**Archie: "A NICKEL!!!"**

There was a young fox, maybe nine or ten years of age, sitting by himself on a bench, looking rather lonely.

**George: He was the gay kid.**

**Yakko: Do you want me to take off your head again?! **

He had sky blue eyes, golden-yellow fur, three long bangs that came down over his face, and fuzzy cheeks and chest.

**Archie: He had puberty at the ripe age of two!**

Knuckles, being the stand-up guy he was, didn't like to see people so lonely

**George: "Hey, let's make fun of the lonely kid!"**

…looking so… left out. He walked over to the bench from the left side, not noticing Sonic playing his favorite game again.

**Yakko: "Guess where I put the Black Widow now!"**

Once he reached it, he noticed that the young vulpine was holding a rather odd looking device in his hands, while Knuckles didn't really know what it was, it was clearly broken.

**Archie: Those Transformers ALWAYS get broken…**

The fox sighed sadly, and Knuckles saw it as a perfect opportunity to speak.

"Hi," said the red echidna in a friendly manner.

**Yakko: He's… FRIENDLY?! **

**George: IT ISN'T POSSIBLE!!!**

The fox jumped at Knuckles' voice and snapped his head in his direction; he studied Knuckles for a few seconds

**George: "Oh, I thought you were Michael Jackson…"**

"Oh, I'll move."

Knuckles made an odd face "Uhhh, no that's alright"

"No, no, you can have the seat. I'll move."

"No, I'll stand…" with that Sonic curved around the other side of the bench.

"Heeeeeeeeeey." The hedgehog said in a Fonzy-like manner.

**Yakko: Looks like Sonic has watched one too many Happy Days episodes.**

The vulpine snapped his head in his direction, all his stuff was in his hands and ready to go.

He looked back and fourth from Sonic to Knuckles, with slight fear in his eyes. "You guys aren't…" he gulped loudly "Going to gang up on me, are you?"

**Archie: "No, we're just going to beat you senseless until the candy comes out!"**

Sonic cocked an eyebrow, and Knuckles looked evenly confused.

**George: "What was the name of the Insult Dog, again?"**

"Uhhh, no…we just want to talk." Knuckles said.

"Yeah," Sonic said "Tell us your name."

The foxes head drooped forward and to the right "I'd rather not."

Sonic was quick to answer this "Well, we could always gang up on you."

The fox gave a very shocked and terrified look, and Knuckles pounded Sonic in the arm.

**Archie: "What?! I like candy!"**

"OW… I was just kidding." Sonic said, rubbing his arm

"I don't care," Knuckles said angrily. "Come on kid… just tell us your name."

The fox hesitated for a second, and then finally opened his mouth to speak "It's… Miles…Miles Prower."

"What?" Knuckles asked. Sonic burst into laughter at the name, rolling all over the ground, gripping his stomach.

**Yakko: Sonic took too much Prozac.**

Miles however, was tearing up in the eyes.

**Yakko: Now Miles, on the other hand…**

"Oh, I knew it." He said, his voice shaking a bit.

Knuckles took his eyes off Sonic and snapped them in the kid's direction "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked

**George: I think he wet himself.**

"Well, every time I say my name, people laugh at me for some reason, and make fun of me for it."

"Well than I guess that proves that some people," Knuckles pointed a thumb at Sonic "Are pretty stupid."

**Archie: Gee, how could he NOT point a thumb at someone?! They're frigging HUGE!!!**

Sonic was too busy rolling and laughing his head off to notice "I GET IT," he screamed "MILES PROWER!"

Knuckles was getting annoyed with the hedgehog by now "WHAT exactly do you find so amusing about that name?"

Sonic finally stopped to talk to the irritated red one "You see, the kid must've seen me runnin' around a beetin' you down earlier,

**Yakko: Sonic gave Knuckles beets?**

**George: Yeah, what's going on?**

**Archie: This is what happens when you leave the theater for 10 minutes.**

so he made up a fake name to compliment me. Miles Prower… Miles Per-Hour."

Miles looked up at Sonic, confused. He had never heard the comment before.

Knuckles was getting really annoyed now "That IS his real name, you idiot."

Sonic got a look of guilt and surprise on his face "Oh…well… I guess… I'll just stand over here then." And he moved himself behind the bench.

**George: … I don't even want to know what he's doing back there.**

Knuckles sighed "Don't worry about him, he's just over egotistical." He said to the young fox.

Sonic turned around to look towards the back of the bench, then his face turned into one of shock "Knuckles… psst, come here."

Knuckles looked back at the hedgehog "Why?"

**Yakko: "What's the answer to Number Two?"**

"Just do it." Sonic said, impatiently. Knuckles got up and walked over to where Sonic was standing, and followed Sonics finger as he pointed towards the lower part of the back of the bench.

Knuckles, being dense, wondered why he was curious about the back of the bench "What about it?"

"Dude, the kids got two tails."

**George: Durrr… really?**

Knuckles looked back, saw the tails, and a similar look crossed his face.

**Archie: "It's… it's… HIDEOUS!!! The most horrible monstrosity in the history of man! Never again do I want to see such—"**

"I heard you," said the innocent voice of the fox, causing Sonic and Knuckles' heads to snap in his direction

**Archie: "… Crap."**

"It's ok though; no one just sees them like they're there like you guys are. People just call me a freak and make fun of me a lot for it."

**George: It isn't hard to see why.**

Sonic looked back at Knuckles with guilt all over his face, and whispered directly into his ear "I feel sorry for the kid… why don't we hang out with him some? He doesn't really seem like a bad guy at all."

Knuckles looked back at Sonic with an impressed look on his face.

"What?" asked the hedgehog.

**Yakko: "Oh my god… y-you're… BLUE!!!"**

Chapter 3

A voice of angels and eyes of emeralds

**Archie: Gee, how cryptic.**

A few hours had passed and Miles was getting warmed up to Sonic and Knuckles company, even if they fought every few minutes over the stupidest things.

**George: Um… remind me why they're friends again!**

Soon lunch bell rang and everyone was going to Cabin 5 (the auditorium) to eat. As soon as Sonic got into the line, he started cutting everyone he could as fast as he could.

"CUT, CUT, CUT…. Oh, don't you dare… don't… that's it now I HAVE to cut you. CUT CUT CUTCUTUCUTCUTCUTCUTCUT!" when the (apparently) starving hedgehog got to the front of the line, what was on the serving tray made him gasp in delighted surprise.

**Yakko: "Live squid, my favorite!"**

"Is this what you serve here?" he asked the cook hopefully.

"Yep." Said the cook, in a heavy southern accent.

"How often," he said, staring at the chili-dog in front of him.

"How often, what?"

"How often do you serve this delicacy?"

"Are you an idiot? Do you even know what this crap is made of?"

**Archie: "Because it's perfectly mature for an adult like me to insult a child!"**

"YES," said the hedgehog angrily "And how dare you call cow anal, pig intestine and chicken foot CRAP! Disgusting creature."

The cook just shook his head and sighed at the pitifully stupid hedgehog.

**Yakko: Ooooh, now the Narrator is insulting him! I'd like to see where THIS leads!**

Meanwhile, poor little Miles was having trouble NOT getting cut. He was already in the back part of the line, but that really didn't seem to stop anyone from cutting him. Ever few moments was cut off by another impatient, hungry kid trying to get their food before it was gone. He was getting shoved around for a long time. For about a minute the frantic cutting was going on, non stop. Shoving, pushing, and cursing.

**George: Where are the adult supervisors when you need them?! They always seem to be there when you hit someone!**

All of the previous words said were being done to the little fox, his own patience weaning. Until…

**George: He got out a chainsaw! Carnage ensued!**

nothing, the cutting had stopped. Miles got a bit of a smile cruising across his snow white muzzle. When he looked back to view the non-cutters, the smile soon faded, for there was no one behind the young kit. Yet, Miles remained patient, and simply waited

**Archie: … For his anti-depressant pills.**

as the almost impossibly long line seemed to get slowly smaller and smaller.

When he finally got to the serving area, all that was left (or was served) was a half-eaten chili-dog with a slightly molded bun, doubled with a few small lumps that shouldn't legally be called fries. The fox sighed "Well," he said patiently "it's better than nothing.

**Yakko: Um… are you guys sure that we're not watching a Charlie Brown special?**

He went over to get some condiments and silverware, was picking up a fork, and something large hit him in the side, hard. His tray went flying everywhere,

**George: We'll make it faster, stronger… it will now be known as: BIONIC TRAY!!!**

food splattered on the ground. Then a shove knocked Miles of his feet followed by a deep voice "Watch it freak!" it said. Miles turned to see a large bully standing where Miles was last. The bully grabbed nothing from the condiment and silverware table, clearly displaying the fact that he wasn't there for anything but bullying Miles

**Archie: Because everyone knows that teenagers have nothing better to do than bully defenseless eight year olds!**

"Next time, you'll watch it! Now pick up that tray!" the bully commanded. Miles did so, but not for the bully, it was just to clean up his mess respectfully.

Miles, now down spirited and angry at the same time, walked over to where Sonic and Knuckles were sitting. He took a seat next to Knuckles, across from Sonic.

"You shouldn't take crap like that, kid." Said sonic, eating a bite of his chili-dog.

**Yakko: Wow, considering the fact that he's "The Fastest Thing Alive", he sure is a slow eater.**

"I agree… sadly, I agree." Said Knuckles.

"You should've shown that big lowlife WHAT FER!"

Miles just felt even more ashamed of himself because he didn't do anything. His head drooped down, but then he started looking around the room curiously. His brilliant blue eyes stopped at something… something he liked.

A vixen, about the same age as he, was sitting at across the isle from him.

**George: Wow, they managed to fit an entire island inside a cafeteria, yet they can't afford enough food?**

She had maroon colored fur besides a black mask of fur that covered her face. The mask started at the tip of her pointy nose and went like a strip until it met the bottom of her brow, then the outside curved on both sides of her nose around the top of her eyelids and met perfectly with the single lash that she had on each side, while the center of the mask continued up like a stripe until it had come to the absolute center of her ears on the top of her head. Her ears were pointed at the end with a black tip. Her eyes were what really got Miles attention. They were a vibrant green, and shined brightly with the light.

**Archie: Too… DESCRIPTIVE!**

Miles stared for the longest time….

"Ya like her?" asked Sonic suddenly. Miles head whipped around and his eyes met Sonics for a moment, then his head just drooped forward.

"Hey, whoever said that you weren't aloud to look at certain people?" asked the hedgehog, a bit agitated.

**George: Adolph Hitler.**

"Yeah," agreed Knuckles "I never really got that rule."

"So… Do you?" Sonic asked the little kit again, curious.

"I…well, I guess… maybe a…" Miles stuttered, unsure of what to think. But Sonic cut him off.

"C'mon kid it's a YES or NO question." He said impatiently.

**Archie: … He better say "Yes" or I'm going to walk out of the theater.**

"Yes." Said Miles, a bit annoyed.

**Archie and George: THANK YOU!**

**Yakko: Guys, stop!**

"And you want her to like ya back?" Sonic asked coolly. Miles just nodded.

"Alright, then… I'll give ya some advice."

Knuckles put his hand over his face in shame "Oh no."

"Oh YES!" said Sonic, clearly annoyed by the echidna already, then he tuned back to Miles. "Listen kid, if ya want a girl to like ya, what ya gotta do is just walk up behind 'em, give 'em a little tap… I mean on the butt, then run away, got it?"

**George: "Hey, if Sonic said it's okay, then it's okay with me!"**

Knuckles shook his head at Sonic, and then turned to Miles "Don't listen to him, he's…" then he was cut off by Sonic.

"HEY!" said the blue bombshell

**Archie: OH MY GOD, A BOMB!!!**

"I don't believe I was talking to you, I believe I was talking to the kid. Which is the reason I'm not talking you is cuz I'm talking to the kid. Another reason why I'm not talking to you but I'm talking to the kid is cuz I don't like you, but I like the kid. So, I'm talking to the kid. OK. Alright. I'm done." Said the hedgehog quickly to get his anger off.

"Alright, HITCH… I'll let ya work your magic." Said Knuckles.

**Yakko: "Hitch"? … I don't get it.**

"Thank you…" he trailed off a bit, pensive… "Ah… Demonstration. Watch me, kid." And Sonic got up, walked backwards and mouthed out the steps as he was executing them, all the while looking at Miles to make sure he was watching. When he reached the second step, he tapped someone randomly on the buttocks area, and then quickly executed the third step, running back to the table.

"Now, don't run off too fast kid, or they might not see you. I've done that before…. Now, who'd I get?" he said, turning his head back to where he was when he executed the second step, and his face melted into one of sheer horror as

**Archie: Michael Jackson stared back at him.**

**{R.I.P.}**

a big female walrus was blushing and smiling at him, waving bashfully. Sonic then turned around, looking down, thinking about what he'd just done, then looked up at Miles "Ok… Bad example." He said, shakily.

Knuckles burst into a hard laugh, which angered Sonic.

"SHUT UP… Like you could come up with anything better."

"Actually I could, and I already did."

**George: "I went into prostitution!"**

"Let's hear it then." Sonic said, foot tapping angrily under the table.

Knuckles turned back to Miles "Listen, the only way your ever really gonna get a girl to like you is to flirt,"

"Pshhh, you've got to be kidding me…. You're not really listening to this crap are ya kid?"

"Sonic, shut up. You had your chance and you blew it."

"Not as bad as you're gonna blow yours."

**Archie: "It's shameless, the way we flirt!"**

"Guys…" Miles said, timidly "I think I'll just… go over and ask if I can sit by her… and talk if she says yes."

Knuckles opened his mouth to suggest something different, and then his eyes looked upwards, thinking. Sonic was giving an impressed look to the kid.

"That sounds good doesn't it?" Knuckles asked, now turned back to Sonic.

"Yeah, sounds alright… go for it, kid."

"Ok…" said the kit "wish me luck."

Miles got up and started walking across the isle

**George: I still can't believe that they could fit an island in there…**

towards the maroon beauty. Time seamed to crawl on with one arm as Miles stared and thought to himself as he walked _Ok Miles… you can do this… its just a girl, and you only want to sit by her… no problem…. Except, you like this girl and you don't want to blow it…Stop thinking like that, or you WILL blow it._

**Yakko: He's screwed.**

After what seemed like forever, Miles had reached the table where she was sitting. He was across from her.

He gulped loudly, and his palms were sweating… "Uhhh… ex… excuse me?" she looked up, the emeralds that seemed trapped in her eyes locked on his "Yes?" said a sweet voice that seemed like a beautiful chorus to Miles, which he assumed belonged to her.

"Umm…I was Gulp just wondering if… if this seat was taken?"

"No," said the beauty again "Go ahead."

Miles was so in love with her voice that he almost didn't catch what she had really said, but luckily he did and he sat down.

**George: I think he wet himself again.**

Meanwhile, Sonic and Knuckles were watching the kid.

"Hmm." Said Knuckles "better than I expected."

"Yeah," agreed Sonic "I was afraid he'd slip and fall or something."

"…That's not funny." Said Knuckles, a bit of agitation in his voice.

"It wasn't supposed to be."

Back at the table where Miles was, a long silence was ensuing. Miles turned out to be brave enough to break the silence "So, uhhh… what's… your name?" he asked.

"Sidney," she said, looking at him again… then staring "What's yours, cutie?" she asked with a flirtatious, yet still innocent and sweet, tone that could only belong to a girl of her age.

**Archie: I wish she was more like the Sidney from Alien…**

The comment made Miles blush fiercely "I'm…Miles." He'd never felt this feeling before…. It felt like a bunch of butterflies were flying around in his stomach.

"Tell me Miles," Said the emerald-eyed Sidney again "Has anyone ever called you cute before?"

"Uhhh…" Miles really didn't know what to say… how could she have known this "No… no one, why?"

"Because you're blushing." Her sweet voice said again, now creating a bit of a giggle as Miles started to feel his cheeks for heat.

**George: Get him freakin' ice bags!**

Sonic watched, then let out a chuckle "He… seems like he's got a way with her…." Knuckles was too busy eating his chili dog before it got cold. Then Sonic saw something. "Oh no." was all he could get out as he saw the big bully who pushed Miles around before was now heading in his direction again.

"So…have you ever really talked to a girl before?" asked Sidney, really curious and interested in Miles.

**Yakko: That's what they always say when someone wants to dissect you.**

But before he could answer the big guy came up and knocked Miles off the end of the table.

"HEY!" Sidney barked.

"Was that freak botherin' you?" asked the bully.

"NO… and why did you call him a freak? Just because he has two tails? I was actually enjoying his company, and now I'm despising yours." Miles turned, still on the ground, worried about Sidney after she had said this. But it wasn't enough for the defensive vixen. "In fact, I think his tails make him look cuter… and guess what, FAT is not CUTE. So I think you're just jealous of him… FREAK"

**Archie: So, if I tape two tails to myself, does that mean I'll get chicks?**

**George: Not a chance.**

"Oh, no" Miles said to himself, feeling helpless.

Sonic stood up "Why that little… big… huge…." Then he picked up his half eaten chili-dog, took one last bite "Bon voyage, comrade." And threw it at the back of the bullies head.

"Why I aughta…" started the bully, cracking his knuckles, scaring Sidney out of her wits. But was cut off when something plopped against the back of his head. He turned "WHO DID THAT!" he asked, enraged. He saw Sonic pointing at Knuckles and whistling to himself.

The bully stormed over to the tough echidna, not knowing what he was going to get into.

Knuckles, who was now finished with his chili-dog (leaving no evidence supporting that he hadn't thrown it.), saw the big shadow of the bully hovering next to him. And without looking up, he asked "Is there a problem?"

"You know dang right there's a problem." Said the bully.

**Yakko: "Hey, ya'll! Where the friggin' frag did my diddly dang banjo go?!"**

Knuckles turned "I'm sorry I don't… hey… why is there chili in your hair?"

The bully fumed, and swung his fist at Knuckles face's current position, but missed as the agile echidna ducked. Then the bully struck again, forward, trying to hit Knuckles strait in the face. This was child's play to Knuckles though,

**Archie: He sat through that movie 5 times! I couldn't even sit through it once!**

who had leaned back to avoid the punch, then swung his body around and planted both fists into the bullies side, making him wince in pain. Then Knuckles shot a fist upward, the spines on his gloves colliding hard with the bullies chin, sending him flying a few feet then hitting the tiled floor with astounding force, making the table shake.

"WHOA!" Sonic said, shocked "I'm pretty sure a bomb just went off… you need to lose some weight, pal."

Miles saw Sidney give him her hand, and grabbed it for a bit of support.

"Are they your friends?" she asked, referring to Sonic and Knuckles.

"Well… now they are." Miles said.

**George: "You mean we weren't BEFORE? Why, you two-timin'…"**

Just then a whistle blew, and the camp counselor stormed in; he was an old human with jet-black goggles on, a large, orange handlebar mustache, and a very odd shaped body (some would say an egg). He was (coincidently) named Mr. Eggman.

**Yakko: Hm… haven't we heard that name before?**

Knuckles snapped to attention, recognizing the authority the man had.

"Uhhh, dude… what're you doing?" asked Sonic.

"I'm standing to attention, respectfully."

"Yeah I can see that, but why?"

"He has authority."

When he reached the area he had been informed was where a fight was going on, he studied it. "WHAT is the meaning of this?" the bully started to answer, he was still on the ground.

"Sir… it was…" he started to raise a shaky fist at Knuckles, who gave a threatening look and clenched his fists. So, the bully searched for a new blame-ee. And he found Miles "HIM! Yeah he's the one who did this."

With that, Eggman walked over to Miles and grabbed his arm, dragging him off before Sidney could say something.

Knuckles face was twitching. "Did I do what I think I just did…."

Sonic looked at him "Well, it kinda looked like… no…. I think you just sold the kid out."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"Well, its true… hang on I got an idea."

"Please god, don't let it be stupid" Knuckles begged.

**Archie: Maybe Knuckles should get to watching this.**

Chapter 4

In the Office of Mr. Eggman

Mr. Eggman had opened the door to his office with Miles still in his grasp and walked in. He shoved Miles into a chair opposite his desk, nearly making the young boy topple over. It hurt Miles, but he didn't show it.

"Let me ask you some simple questions Mr." he paused, waiting for Miles name. Miles was opening his mouth to answer when the large, egg-shaped man cut him off "SPEAK… What is your NAME?"

Miles answered quickly this time "Miles Prower."

**George: "THAT'S your name?! … Maybe we should punish your parents instead."**

"Right… Mr. Prower, I want to know, first, why you seem to not respect our food products, I had seen the mess up front and automatically assumed it was of your making."

Miles really didn't know how to answer this… if he told the truth, it only meant pain from the bully's fist for him… but if he lied, he'd be getting himself in trouble. He always thought like this, putting what WOULD happen before making any rash decisions. He decided that pain was worse "Yes… I am responsible for that mess."

**Yakko: Always lie to solve your problems! A great moral for kids everywhere!**

"Why would you do that I wonder?"

"Because my food was spoiled, and I didn't want any of it."

"Yes… spoiled, which you obviously are…. Spoiled rotten little brat."

Miles drooped his head forward at this, ashamed now of himself, but there was no going back. "Yes sir… my parents… give me everything that I want." This of course was not true, but he wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Absolutely right… I should sue your parents for not making a better example for you…. Well, here, young Mr. Prower, I give discipline, and I give it…" he was cut off by a knock on the window disturbed his talk with Miles.

Miles looked up to the window, for he was the only one who could see it at that angle, and saw Sonic. He was mouthing out something that looked like 'Cut his head off' and was making a motion that resembled slitting a throat across his own.

**Archie: … Does that sign say "**_**Camp Crystal Lake**_**"?**

Mr. Eggman looked around to see through the window, but there was nothing there. But he was sure something had been there a split second earlier…. "Stay here, boy!" he barked at Miles.

"Yes sir." Said Miles, gently, drooping his head down again. Once Eggman had left, he started looking around the office. Lots of pictures, about 15 or 16, all of them were hanging off the wall. Most of them were high-altitude shots that looked down on Mobius from above… but there was one picture that really caught his eye; it looked about thirty years old, and a family picture. There was a man that looked about how old Mr. Eggman was today, then Eggman himself, though much younger and had a crew cut on his head (orange hair), and was the only one in the picture that wasn't smiling. Then there was the prettiest human that Miles had ever laid eyes on… she had long flowing blonde hair, a nice soft face, and big pretty blue eyes. She was standing next to (and hugging) a black hedgehog, about Sonics age, and he had red tips at the end of his quills, which were pointed upwards. Despite his dark appearance, he seemed to be the only one, besides the girl, in the picture that seemed to be genuinely happy, his smile said it all.

**George: I sense a sequel in our future…**

"YOU! Young hedgehog!" screamed Eggman towards Sonic.

"Yeah, boss?" asked Sonic, with an undeniable tone of sarcasm in his voice.

"Were you the one that disturbed my conversation with Mr. Prower earlier?"

Sonic looked towards the small cabin that was his office, faking a shocked look very well, then looked back at Eggman wearing the same face "No…. Why would such an upstanding person such as me even think about taking you from your conversation with that young boy?"

"Well, I saw something blue wisp by the window before… are there any more blue Mobian in this facility?"

**George: Yes… no… maybe… HOW DO YOU KNOW?!**

"I'm not sure sir… but I think me and my friend back there…" he pointed a thumb towards Knuckles who waved with both hands on cue and screamed 'HELLO' from about 20 yards away "have something to say in defense of young Prower."

"And how is that?"

Sonic then explained everything that had happened, only half truthfully though, leaving all the parts that DID involve him and Knuckles.

"Oh… I see… well then I have no choice but to release Mr. Prower."

"A wise decision, boss." Sonic said, sarcastically again. Somehow it seemed that this Mr. Eggman was really deaf towards sarcasm, because he just walked off, unaffected.

**Archie: "Yes, indeed, I AM the boss… NOW GET ME A COOKIE!!!"**

"Did it work?" Knuckles asked.

"Yep… but that's the last time I pull your butt from the fire, got it?"

"Sure."

Miles was still studying the office when Eggman came back in, somewhat different. He was calmer than he had been when he left.

"Mr. Prower…" he finally said "It seems I have misjudged you… you should thank the blue hedgehog for saving your skin for today."

**George: "Mutilation is NO good!"**

With this, Miles looked out the window to see Sonic again, who winked at him. Miles smiled, knowing that he'd be there for him.

"Mr. Prower?"

"Yes sir, I know… I will." Then something on Eggmans desk caught Miles' eye. "Sir… is that a B-97 Model: Jupiter Magcam?"

Eggman looked at the small, odd device, knowing what Miles was talking about. "Yes… it is."

"That would explain all these High-altitude shots then."

"Yes I used that camera to take them… beautiful planet, Mobius."

"Agreed…"

"But the camera has been out of commission for a while now; I haven't been able to use it in months. After I replaced the bolts it never seemed to work again."

"What size of bolts did you use?"

"Eight point five's… why?"

"That explains a lot," Miles said, now studying the object "You should use 8.0's… they're the only size that will work with these models."

**Yakko: "DUH! I should have known!"**

"Oh… well thank you for that Mr. Prower… you may leave."

Miles placed the object back on the desk and walked out the door….

Eggman then lifted the object into his hands, stared at it a while in what seemed like disbelief… then he grinned… evilly.

**George: Oh SNAP! Plot twist!**

Chapter 5

Sonics trouble with Women

Miles walked out the door of the office, with a look of relief on his face.

Sonic sighed, in relief as well "Oh, thank god… it worked."

Knuckles gave a confused look to Sonic "I thought you'd already told me it worked."

"Yeah, but I wasn't absolutely sure at that point."

"So… you lied to me?"

"Yeah, pretty much." Knuckles hit him hard in the arm for this one. "OW… hey, I told the truth there."

They started walking off; Miles was going somewhere else though. He was just wandering off a bit… thinking about Sidney.

**Archie: "I've always wanted to ride in the pouches of Kangaroos…"**

"OOMPH." Said a voice in front of him, he had bumped into a full grown vixen with a massive tail. She had blue eyes for her head, and a lot of blue shaded hair, so much that it actually pushed her ears (which seemed rather big) down. She had a button nose which balanced a small, kind of sexy, pair of glasses;

**SEXY glasses? Pfft… I wish.**

**Yakko: Hey, you're not supposed to be here!**

**Oh, EXCUUUSE me! I only write your dialogue! **

which in turn, stood only halfway in front of the blue eyes. Her fur had a tanned color. She looked down at the small vulpine. "Oh… sorry." She said, but as she passed she winced, trying to remember something "Wait…_two tails._" She thought.

She turned to look at the fox "Are you Miles?" she asked, then Miles, who had been on his way as well, turned.

"Yes…" he said, curious as to how this, rather foxy, vixen had known him.

**Archie: Um… I seriously hope that this statement was just a bad pun.**

She walked back to him, leaned down to meat his height

**George: CANNIBAL!!!**

and shook his hand "My sister was right… you are cute."

Miles gave her a confused look, while blushing.

"OH, sorry… I'm Sidney's older sister. My name is Angel."

"Angel…" he repeated, then swallowed his shyness for a sly comment

**All: "Seems to fit."**

"Seems to fit."

**Yakko: Knew it.**

She looked at him, curious "Why's that?"

"Well… you look like one." He said… trying to be sly, but his blush proved that he wasn't used to being like that.

"Oh, how sweet." She said "My sister was right on about you…. Oh, I have to go now; I forgot I have a class now. I'm late for it, I'll see you later." She said and ran off, her large tail swinging as she went.

Sonic suddenly appeared behind Miles and whistled in admiration of the vixens backside "Hang on a second…" he said suddenly and ran up to Angel and played his game again, but before he could execute the last step, her tail swung around and met his neck, then wrapped around it.

**George: "T-tell my Mom… that I don't really like her…"**

"Holy crap!" Sonic choked as she lifted him off the ground with her tail and looked at him through the small glasses she wore.

"You must be Sonic. Sidney told me about you, too. Unfortunately, for both you and me," she tightened her tail around his neck "she was right." Then she dropped him, letting him gasp for air, and walked off.

She had the quickest reflexes Miles had ever seen. Sonic scampered back to his friends now frightened of the blue haired fox.

"She's freaking crazy!" he said. Then he got up and turned around, but by the time he got halfway around and bumped into someone else, and a purse hit the ground, flinging things everywhere.

"Oh, deer, I'm sorry." Said the pink hedgehog, leaning down to pick up her stuff.

"No that's ok, I'm a bit clumsy." Admitted Sonic.

"Yeah, but that was my fault." She said, looking up to see Sonics eyes which were looking at her too. And for the slightest moment… Sonic felt as if he'd stumble and fall right into the jade colored sea that was her eyes.

After Sonic had helped her pick up all her stuff, she thanked him and started walking off. But then Sonic noticed a loose rose laying where all here stuff had previously been.

**Archie: "Rose… bud…"**

He picked it up, assuming it was hers, walked up and tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey… you dropped this." He said, smiling in a friendly manner.

"Oh…" she said in a bit of surprise, and then started studying the flower "This isn't mine." She said, making Sonic realize a horrible truth… he had just given her a flower. "Thanks though," she said, putting it in her well-groomed quills, under her barrette. "What's your name?" she asked.

"I'm Sonic." He said, for the first time in his life though, he felt shy when he said it. She stuck out her hand and he took it.

"I'm Amy, Amy Rose." She said "Pleasure to meet you."

"Yeah it is," Sonic mumbled, daydreaming.

**Yakko: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?**

**George: I'm thinking about Watermelons.**

**Yakko: Nevermind…**

Then someone called Amy's name from behind her "Coming!" she screamed back "I gotta go, see you later."

"Yeah… I sure hope so." Sonic mumbled again.

"Yep…" said a familiar deep voice, which belonged to Knuckles "Walk up… Tap them on the butt… Run away…. Flirting never works" he said in a very sarcastic voice.

"Hey, man" Sonic started, using his back-to-normal ego "I was just showing the kid that I am particularly attractive, it doesn't really matter what I do. I always get the girl to fall head over heals for me…." As if on cue, a very angry (and to Sonic, familiar) feminine voice started yelling from behind Sonic, making him wince.

The teenage chipmunk started storming over to her blue target "SONIC… MAURICE… HEDGEHOG!" she screamed.

**Archie: "My deranged stepmother is back from Jail!"**

"Oh, crap she's using my full name I must be in trouble." he said, still wincing.

"Your names Maurice?" Knuckles asked.

"Shut up." Sonic whispered angrily. Then turned with a very nervous look on his face. "Hi." He said stupidly, before a small, brown hand swiped him across the face, making a loud smacking sound.

**George: Yes, that is indeed what sound a smack makes.**

Sonic turned around with his hand clasped on his now red cheek "Was that necessary?"

"Yes, Sonic, it was," said the fiery chipmunk.

"Why?" he asked, expecting another slap.

She pulled a brown bag off her shoulder, and then out of the bag she pulled a pair of severely torn up blue boots.

Sonic gasped in surprise and fear, but hid it with shock "I'm Shocked," he said, lying horribly now "How did this…" but he was cut off by the angry female.

"DON'T… give me that crap, Sonic." She said, trembling with anger, her fists locked to her side, her brilliant, calm blue eyes now fiery with rage.

"Ok, I can explain," Sonic said, desperately trying to think of a way out of this "My dog…" but he was cut off again.

"You don't have a dog." She said.

**Yakko: I thought that he DID have a dog…**

**Archie: Silly Yakko! Continuity has no meaning in this film!**

"My… CA…" but was cut off yet again by her angry, yet still somehow smooth voice.

"You don't have a cat…" she said, rage rising even higher. She started speaking again before Sonic could even manage to make one of his vocal chords move "you don't have a lizard, a snake, a bird… not even a fish, Sonic… time to step up to the plate, and take the ball to the head." She said… grinning widely with success.

"I'll make it up to you…" he said quickly "I'll buy you a new pair…" he looked down to see that she was still wearing a pair of blue leather boots "ok, you've got a new pair… uhhh"

**George: If shoes can't solve a problem with women, nothing can. You might as well kiss your butt good bye. You won't be seeing it any time soon.**

seeing no way out, he started to bite his lip in another desperate attempt to find an excuse… but couldn't find one. So, he started sobbing dryly, in fear "I'm really sorry" the 'sorry' was extended by more sobs that sounded like hehehehe.

"Sorry… SORRY? SONIC, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOUR EXCUSES!

**Archie: "You're going to eat my cooking and you're going to LIKE it!"**

You know what though, I'm sorry too… sorry that I ever dated you, sorry that I ever trusted you with my boots, cuz you said you were gonna get them fixed. BUT WHAT DO YOU DO INSTEAD?" she asked, giving him time to answer this time.

"I try to run in them." He said, head drooping forward now.

"YOU TRY TO… to…." She then looked beyond Sonic, where the other two were standing, sweating nervously "Uhhh… Sonic… who are they?" she asked.

Sonic looked back "Oh… they're my friends."

"Why didn't you introduce me?" she asked, with a smile on her face now.

"Cuz you were too busy slapping me." He reminded her.

"Oh, right… sorry" she said, her natural sweet, smooth voice returning to her.

**George: Sally has bipolar disorder!**

She then walked over to Knuckles, who was now calm, trying to act cool.

"Hi…" she stuck out her hand for him to shake, when she saw the size of his fists when he grabbed her hand, she gawked slightly "I'm… uhhh… Sally Acorn."

"The names Knuckles, sweetheart." He said slyly, then winked, making her blush lightly. He then let go, somehow making Sally's hand feel much colder.

**Yakko: "Your hand will die in seven days…"**

She ignored the feeling, and looked down to see the young golden vulpine that was hiding behind Knuckles leg.

"Aww, well hi, cutie-pie. What's your name?" she asked the timid fox, with a new burst of sweetness.

He simply started moving back further behind Knuckles. "Shy, huh? Well you don't have to worry about me, I don't bite."

**Archie: "That's not what everyone else told me…"**

"Yeah right." Sonic muttered under his breath.

"I meant I don't bite nice guys." She told both Sonic and the fox. "C'mon, little guy, what's your name?"

"Miles." Said the vulpine, shyly, starting to come out of his poor hiding spot.

"Miles, huh?" she asked, grinning friendlily. "Well, I don't have a cooking partner for baking class in a couple of hours… you wouldn't mind being my partner would you?"

**George: No, man! Resist the temptation! RESIST!!!**

Miles shook his head, showing that he really didn't mind, and smiled a little. He could tell he was going to like her.

**George: You wuss…**

"Ok… I'll look forward to it… see you there." She then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek lightly. Miles blushed and felt the kiss's landing spot as she walked away, hoping that the warmth it let off wouldn't go away, and smiled.

Sonic looked at both of the lover-boys with shock and slight envy in his eyes "How did you do it, Miles?" he asked.

"Do what?" he asked back, confused.

"Get kissed like that. I didn't get kissed on our first day of meeting."

"Well… she's nice…. I guess you really don't get on her good side often?"

"No I don't, if at all."

**Yakko: "I put on a lot of cologne."**

Chapter 6

Baking Class

The bell had ringed again

**Archie: Grammar isn't this movie's forte…**

at 5 o'clock and Miles was headed off to Cabin 7, where he would bake with Sally.

**George: If you know what I mean…**

**Archie: Oh, shut up!**

On the way there, he started talking with Sonic and Knuckles.

"So… Sonic… I'm just a bit curious as to how you and Sal broke up…."

"Ah, I knew it was coming from one of you two." He said, a bit annoyed, but sighed, showing that he was about to tell the story. "Ok… it was February 13…"

Knuckles gawked "Whoa, unlucky"

**Yakko: Gee… ya' think?**

Sonic sighed again "Yeah, I know… it was a Friday, too. Well the previous year I hadn't gotten Sal anything for Valentines Day, only cuz I forgot all about it. I was gonna make it up to her that year, but… well… I got her chocolates… they were her favorite kind too, all coconut." He paused… letting them listen.

**Archie: How can they listen if he doesn't say anything?**

"Then I was dashing my way to her house, through the forest… and I tripped, the chocolates went into a creak right in front of me, and got washed downstream."

"Why didn't you just grab them?" asked Miles.

**George: "Gill-Man got to 'em first."**

"They were pretty far down in the water kid… and I hate water."

"Well I'd hate it too if it did that to me." Said Miles again.

"What'd you do after that?" asked Knuckles, who was pretty interested in this.

"The only thing I thought she'd believe… I wrote her a note and stuck it on the inside of the box… claiming that I had eaten them. I didn't give it to her personally though."

"Oh… did she buy it?"

"Well, yeah… she always said I was ignoring her… or something like that, heck I wasn't listening.

**Archie: I sense future marital problems!**

And that was just the final straw for her."

"I think that was probably the furthest thing from smart I've ever heard." Miles said, stating the obvious.

**Yakko: You finally admit it! THANK YOU!**

"Yeah, I know that now… but I panicked, and she didn't know I hated water…. Do you really think she'd believe that I hated water?"

**George: Perhaps you should tell her that you can't swim, maybe?**

"No, I guess she wouldn't."

There was a long silence, besides a few sighs that came from both Sonic and Knuckles. Then something caught Miles eyes….

Sidney was walking with her sister, Angel towards Cabin 7. He started staring at Sidney… her eyes seemed to trap him again, even from this far away…. But she hadn't noticed he was there until they were finally walking into separate doors, where their eyes met for a split second. Then as they reached the other side of the doorways, they weren't looking at each other anymore, but both were blushing.

**Yakko: How intense.**

**George: Yeah… I think I'm gonna throw up.**

Sally looked over at Miles, who was doing exactly as he was told, stir two eggs and the butter together, adding milk randomly along the way, and make sure that the beater stayed on level 3… such a nice kid, and so smart, too.

**Archie: Gee narrator, why don't you marry him?**

Then she looked over at the noises that were no doubt being created by Sonic and Knuckles.

Knuckles looked at his egg nemesis

**George: Foreshadowing at its best!**

right in (what he assumed) what would be the eye "You ain't got nothin', you white chicken turd…. Is that right? Well, I got one question you gotta ask yourself… do you feel lucky… PUNK?"

**Archie: You don't deserve to use Clint Eastwood quotes!**

he said to it before shattering it over his head, over the mixing bowl of course _Wouldn't want to make a mess._ He thought.

Sonic stared at his bizarre partner… "Dude, you're weird." As if being sarcastic and hypocritical, Sonic threw the flour bag he was holding strait up into the air and shot to the ground "HIT THE DECK!"

**Yakko: Oh my god, TERRORIST ATTACK!!!**

he screamed as the flour bag exploded when it hit his quills, making the white powder poof all over him.

Amy, who was across the room with her (current) boyfriend, watched Sonic in admiration… he looked so cute when he was acting stupid.

**George: I take it that the narrator is female.**

**Archie: You didn't know?**

**George: How could I? We can't hear anything!**

**Archie: Touché.**

She watched him get up and start laughing and pointing at Knuckles' forehead, which was covered with splattered yolk. He turned around, eyes closed in hysteria and nearly passed out from laughter, just when Sonic turned around, Knuckles pointed and burst out laughing at the hedgehogs now powder covered back.

**George: "Hee hee! They have crack all over them!"**

Amy giggled at both of them, mainly Sonic though for being so cute.

Sally just shook her head in utter expectancy, then turned towards Amy (who she didn't know personally yet) and immediately recognized the look in her eyes as she watched Sonic… she was in love, it was all over her.

**Yakko: Sheesh… in love and she's only like, what, eight?**

**George: Why not? From what I see on Deviant Art, she already has hedgehog ti-**

**Archie: Okay, that's enough! **

But then she turned her head to see the guy who was with her ask her why she was laughing at Sonic.

"Because I think he's funny." Amy told the orange-hued hedgehog.

"No, I know you like him. I always knew you'd do that crap to me."

**Yakko: And she's already loose too!**

**George: Every man's dream…**

"Todd, I just think he's funny." She lied "you just have to trust me a little more ok?"

**Archie: Right… and Santa Claus will fly out of my--**

she put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know… you've been looking at a lot of guys lately…. I'm starting to wonder."

Sally watched in disgust of the false couple… well one of them at least. He was a jerk, no doubt about it;

**Yakko: Wait… HE?! Are you kidding?! **

**Archie: Yakko, yelling at movies…**

**George: Imagine the mail that we're gonna get for THIS episode… **

Sally had been with plenty before to know that, almost too obvious, fact. She watched the guy, who was now staring at the full-grown vixen with that little girl.

**Archie: They're BOTH hoes?**

**George: Yeah! They go perfect together!**

**Yakko: George, we're pushing a T-Rating here.**

**George: Sorry.**

Angel, as if feeling the eyes watching her, turned directly in the direction of the orange hedgehog who was staring at her. He only flicked his eyebrows in that fashion that only meant trouble for her…and whoever was looking at her. She noticed that there was a female pink hedgehog with him… the pig; he was too busy staring at her to notice that his girlfriend was doing all the work. He then puckered his lips and made a smacking noise with them, disgusting Angel.

**George: "This is why I like girls instead!"**

She turned away, but still knew he was watching her.

She really hated to hurt people, but it seemed to be the only way to get her point across that she wasn't someone to fool with. She had demonstrated that with Sonic a few hours earlier. She thought that was a bit harsh, though, because she did see a good person under the solid emerald eyes he had. She knew it was still the only way to get her point across, and her sister had learned from her quickly.

**Archie: When in doubt… strangle people until spittle comes out!**

Sally averted her eyes to the smaller one, seeing that the full-grown vixen was in no way interested in the hedge-pig. However, this smaller one was turning her head slightly, and using her brilliant green eyes to look directly at the golden two-tailed fox that was standing right by Sally.

**Yakko: The budget doesn't call for chairs.**

She looked down at Miles, who was carefully measuring the milk to make sure it was perfect. She giggled a bit, thinking that he looked cute doing that tongue thing that little kids do when they try to concentrate.

"What?" he asked after she giggled at him.

"Nothing…." She said, still giggling. But then she thought, he had to have a personal life, and decided that that was the best way to start a conversation.

"So… Miles…" she said, pausing to make sure he was listening.

**George: Oh, lord… is she hitting on him?**

**Archie: Shut up, George!**

"Yeah?" he asked, now mixing all the ingredients together.

"Tell me a little about yourself." She said, preparing the cupcake papers in the holed pan. "Do you have any friends?" she asked, friendlily.

Miles sighed "Well no, besides Sonic, Knuckles, and you."

"None at school?" she asked, starting to feel that he'd never had a friend before this summer.

"No…everyone just makes fun of me, both for my tails and for my passion of mechanics."

"You're a mechanic?" she asked, stunned at the small boys intelligence. He nodded, as if it were really nothing. "What kind?"

"Well, I mostly make remote control planes, but I can do lots of other stuff… I've invented a couple things… like I'm working on a camera that can focus on a single object from miles away… though I'm not sure what the use of that would be."

"What's your IQ?" she asked, still stunned

**Archie: "What's an IQ?"**

He shook his head, showing that he didn't know.

"Well… off that subject. Do you… have a girlfriend?"she asked.

**George: Oh my god, she IS hitting on him!**

**Archie: SHUT UP, GEORGE!**

"No, I told you everyone makes fun of me." He said, sighing a bit.

"Even the girls?"

**Yakko: "ESPECIALLY the girls!"**

He nodded, wondering where she was getting at.

"Well that's not very lady-like." She said, putting her hands on her waist, shaking her head in shame.

**Archie: Why Sally, how stereotypical of you!**

"Do you like anybody?"

Miles didn't answer this verbally, but he moved his eyes to look across the room at Sidney, who was putting her…

**George: Frozen heads!**

…cupcakes in the oven.

Sally caught the quick move his pretty eyes did and shot hers in the direction he was facing, which was the little maroon vixen that was partnered with the full grown one. She smiled a little "Well, you could've fooled me twice about that."

"Why?" he asked.

"She's been looking over here a lot, so I'd say that she liked you."

**Yakko: Gee, I never noticed!**

Chapter 7

The after-day thoughts

Sonic started towards the boy's cabin

**Archie: I would hope so.**

, Cabin 1, at about nine o'clock. He was pretty tired by then, with everything that had happened on his first day here….

His first day was pretty bad. Two major things happened and they were both possible candidates for the worst thing that happened during the summer, and one that severely damaged his ego. He got beat up by Knuckles,

**Yakko: He did?! **

**George: Why didn't you tell us?!**

**Archie: Well, I don't remember THAT happening…**

nearly annihilated by his EX (he thought he kind of deserved that though), and almost got killed AND got denied by that Angel chick.

But, good things happened as well. He made new friends, tried to help the kid with his woman problems, and helped the kid out of trouble. It felt good to do good to Sonic. Plus, he saw Amy looking at him during cooking class… and that guy she was with who was obviously her boyfriend.

**George: Er… they BOTH looked at him? **

It didn't seem fair to him that SHE isn't aloud to laugh at someone, but HE is aloud to look at another girl's backside without her watching… Sonic had never done that before, even Sally had to admit that.

Miles looked down onto his bed in the boy's cabin. Small, dirty sheets, and barely enough fluff in his pillow to keep his head comfortable… in fact, he might as well have slept with a rock as his pillow.

**Yakko: Sheesh, this guy must be taking Charlie Brown's anti-depressants…**

He sighed, knowing he shouldn't complain, and plopped down on his bed.

He just couldn't get her off his mind… no matter how hard he tried. That beautiful and shiny coat of maroon fur, those dazzling green eyes, the cute mask on her face, and her large soft tail (which was an obvious trait her and Angel shared) that he'd noticed while in the baking class… she was just so gorgeous to him.

Her voice was even playing around in his head, torturing him, but at the same time soothing him….

**Archie: Such a cacophony of emotions! **

**George: And to think that this movie is just about a bunch of talking animals…**

It was a confusing feeling, the feeling he'd had at lunch, the butterflies that he had supposedly eaten alive and had ended up in his stomach without wet wings flying around when her voice met his ears. But it felt good to him, not at all threatening or dangerous. It felt like he'd melt into a warm puddle, but at the same time, it also felt like he would live forever….

**Yakko: For the love of—CAN WE FAST FORWARD THIS?!**

**Dr. Scratchansniff: No! You must vatch ALL of eet!**

**George: Pretty please?**

**Archie: I'll give you a cookie!**

**Wakko: A COOKIE?!**

**Dr. Scratchansniff: Vakko, NO!!! **

And it frustrated him not knowing what it was.

Suddenly his mind turned to the picture he'd seen in Mr. Eggmans office. That black hedgehog… who was he? Why were he and the girl the only ones truly smiling? Why did Mr. Eggman even have that picture if he wasn't smiling in it?

**Archie: "Where did I put that bagel? What is the meaning of life? WHY AM I ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS?"**

There were too many questions flying through his head, and his eyes started to droop a bit, drowsy and exhausted from his full day. Soon darkness enclosed around him, his mind clouded, and his brain finally shut down, allowing him to sleep.

**George: "I am finally happy…"**

Angel looked down at her maroon sister, knowing what was on her mind. She decided not to mention it though; it would only anger Sidney, because she would deny the all-too-obvious fact that she liked Miles. Angel liked him too, in a friendly way. Angel had lied to the boy though, Sidney never talked about him very much, but it was pretty obvious that her sister had found her first crush in the form of the two tailed vulpine.

She thought a bit as they entered Cabin 2.

**Yakko: There's too much thinking in this thing!**

Would Sidney mind if she asked her about him. Her instinct, and her past experiences, told her she would get angered. But she knew her sister very well, and she really wasn't uncomfortable talking about any subject. She decided to begin a conversation with her about the boy.

"Hey, Sid?" she asked, as they were crawling into their bunk-bed, still wondering if it was a good idea. But her sister looked down from the top bunk, her perked ears and bright eyes showing that she was listening. "What do you think of that Miles boy?"

Sidney's cheeks immediately reddened, she was stunned by her sister's sudden mind reading ability "OH… well, uhhh… he's nice."

Angel gave her sister a sly look as she put her glasses on the stool next to her "Nice as in…" she studied.

"Well… he's polite… well mannered… civilized… sweet…"

"Basically the opposite of that… blue pig he hangs around with right?"

**George: I thought he was a hedgehog? I'm confused… what's going on?**

Angel said, mentally slapping herself for saying that so hoarsely. She knew the hedgehog was just too egotistical… he really wasn't a pig.

"Hey…Sonic's not that bad. He helped Miles out of trouble, and he saved me from getting whaled by that bully." She said, stating a good point as she always did in arguments.

**Yakko: She always was their parents' favorite!**

"Well, that's true…. But we're getting off subject. What do you think of Miles?"

"I told you… he's nice." She said getting a bit irritated… she didn't know why though.

"Oh… there has to be more than that." Her sister said slyly.

Sidney's cheeks were now reaching the hue of a flamingo "Well… I uhhh… just…"

"Like him?" said Angel, rather cleverly finishing her sentence.

**Archie: Indeed. Such subtle wit.**

**George: I'm roaring with laughter.**

"NO!" Sidney nearly shouted, her cheeks nearly reaching the hue of her fur "He's just nice… that's all!"

"Sis, I've been in this little stage before, I know when a girl likes a boy… you really can't find a way around this one. Besides, if he were really just nice, why would your face resemble the color of a cherry right now?"

**All: OH SHNAP!!!**

she smiled widely, knowing that she'd won. If there was one thing, besides their large tails, that she and her sister were similar in, it was their way of standing a good argument.

"Well…" her eyes darted like green shooting stars this way and that, trying to think of something to say, however all that came out of her mouth was "OK, OK… he's cute! Alright, are you happy?"

**Yakko: "He could be a Beanie Baby!"**

"Well I knew that… but what I didn't know is how cute you think he is."

Sidney's cheeks were now getting an even darker red, if it were even possible "He's…" she winced a little "adorable. Ok, alright, goodnight Angel." She said, glad to get it off her chest.

Angel smiled, knowing that that wasn't all of it.

**George: It isn't?! How long IS this piece of-**

_**The movie sign beeps**_

**Yakko: Thank goodness!**

**Yakko and the bots hop out of their seats, walking out of the theater.**


End file.
